October 25, 2009


Get Out of The Friends Zone!


Game 2.0 is just a fancy term for the next level in attracting beautiful women – beyond going to bars and clubs and approaching women you don’t know (which we call “cold approach”).  It includes stuff like social circle game, day game, inner game, strippers and hired guns, and so on.   

Braddock in particular has a ton of things to say about Social Circle game – he should, of course, since he and Samurai developed the Social Circle Mastery seminar.  Social Circle Mastery is all about getting into social groups full of beautiful women, finding and befriending high-value people to attract more beautiful women, getting together with the “let’s just be friends” girl, and more.

So, today we wanted to get his thoughts on a common question:

When – and how – do you try to hit on a female friend you’re attracted to?

Over to Braddock...

Most guys “make a move” way too early or way too late.  Both are problems.

If you wait too long, you may be “stale” to her and an easy candidate for the Let’s-Just-Be-Friends zone.

If you make a move too early, you can come across as sleazy and make her feel awkward and uncomfortable.  Like Savoy said in the breakthrough interview on female psychology, “women react to social awkwardness the way men react to hand grenades.”  They run.  So, don’t be a social hand grenade.  Leave your cold approach game at home, and don’t treat your social circle like a nightclub. 

I’ve gone to both extremes in my life, in part because this really wasn’t easy to figure out.  (Aren’t you glad I did all the hard work to learn all of this and all you have to do is read it?)  For example, in cold approach “fortune favors the bold” but in social circle game this mentality often does more harm than good...

... except, somehow, the guys I met who were consistently attracting the most beautiful from within their social circle were among the boldest men I’ve met.

So, be bold... but don’t be bold... but do!?!?!?!??... anyone else confused?  All I wanted to do was know when to pull the trigger when I’m around a woman who is already in my social circle. Fortunately... the basic answer is simple, and I’m going to share it with you here.  Write this down:

Social Circle attraction doesn’t begin until investment begins.

  • Investment Increases = Frequency and Intensity of my attraction game increases.
  • Investment Decreases = Frequency and Intensity of my attraction game decreases.

In this context, investment – and specifically, investment momentum - is when a woman is following your lead and responding to your suggestion.  Investment can be something little (e.g., going out to the patio for a quieter conversation with you when you first meet her) or big (coming over to your house when you call at 2am).  Responding to a text message requires less investment than answering the phone. [That’s why – as you’ll see in my upcoming Phone and Text Game product – if you’re not sure how into you (invested in you) she is, you might want to start with a text message.]

Understanding investment is CRUCIAL to social circle game.

The Three Secrets so she invests in you

People are more willing to invest – and build investment momentum – when these three factors are in play.  Each of them helps individually, and they all work together, so it’s best to establish as many of these as possible.

(The concept of social value is explained in Tenmagnet and Future's interview On Value and in Chapter 3 of Magic Bullets.  It’s the fundamental “currency” of attraction.)

(By the way, this is another great example of how Game 2.0 stuff like Social Circle Mastery builds directly from the principles of cold approach in Magic Bullets.  For example, there’s a direct analogy to how people use time to solidify social impressions from Savoy and Soul's interview on female psychology in which they explain why, if a woman decides whether she wants to sleep with you in the first few minutes, it can take hours or even a couple of dates before she is willing.)

  1. High Value:  People will invest in higher-value members of a group.  Everyone does it to some extent, and women have a great radar for who is “more important” socially.
  2. Time: The longer you know someone and the more experience you have with that person, the stronger you feel about any impression you have of him/her.  So, even if she sees you as high value when you first meet, she might not feel strongly enough about that impression to invest in you.  If she’s bumped into you a few times and each time confirms and builds on her impression of you, she will be much more likely to invest.  Building up trust also plays a role here – if she learns that she’s not going to go wrong by following your lead, she will be much more open to doing so in the future.
  3. Shared experiences: The more experiences you’ve had with someone, the more connected you feel to that person.  This is true even if some of these experiences are negative.  You will be more open to following that person’s lead, unless you’ve learned from experience or observation that this is a bad idea.

(The value of shared experiences is also important in showing how an average guy can easily keep a “10” as a girlfriend – without her wanting to be unfaithful - because of the power of shared experiences. This is one of the cool things in the Love Systems Relationship Management video series.)

So... how do these three things help me know when to pull the trigger?

Think back to when you first met one of your closest guy friends.  You were probably both a little formal and holding your cards pretty close to your chest. You didn’t know each other well or where the boundaries were.  Over time, as you got to know each other, you learned where each other’s boundaries were and you opened up to each other.  If you enjoy the time you spent together and he makes you feel good emotions, then you will see him as high value to you.  And you will be willing to invest in each other.  He can tease you and you can tease him.  You are more likely to comply with each other’s requests.

What about a guy friend you met 2 days ago?  Likely, that dynamic won’t have been established yet.  All things being equal, you would be less likely to invest in each other.

Now, re-read the last two paragraphs and replace “guy” with “girl.”  As you spend time with her in your social circle, you should open up to each other, learn each other’s boundaries, and become more willing to invest in each other.  THIS is the time to escalate.  Again:

Time + Shared Experience + Value = Investment


Have you ever been the new guy at a house party and you were flirting with a woman and it was going pretty well, and then a guy from her social circle yells from across the room for her to come over and join them... and she does, regardless of how good things were going with you and her?

How did he pull her away from you?  Is it because he's "so alpha?"  No.  Is it because he's a master of Love Systems?  No. Could that same guy go to any club in America and yell at a random hot stranger and she would break her conversation and walk to him?  Probably not.

He can pull off this magical feat only in his social circle because he has more time, shared experiences, and value with that woman than you do and as a result... he has more investment from her than you do.  He can get her to do more with less effort.

Or, have you ever noticed that you can make rougher and more risque jokes with women in your social circle?  Could you have said those things to those women when you first met?  Of course not, but now they laugh.  Chalk this up to time + shared experience + value = increase in investment.

So, when do you really turn up the attraction game???  Well, it should be obvious by now, but the answer is... as investment increases, your attraction game can increase.  Before then, you are essentially running cold approach game, hoping it hits.

This does not mean stay in friend mode until investment is high and this does not mean you should not run attraction game until investment is high.  It just means increase the frequency and intensity of your attraction game as investment increases.

What if investment decreases for some reason?  Let's say she starts dating someone or for whatever reason you can sense that you have lost some investment since the last time you hung out...  Well, then the frequency and intensity of your attraction game should decrease.  This could go back and forth tons of times before it finally hits.

Good luck.  And post your results on The Attraction Forums for feedback!

Braddock is a Love Systems lead instructor.

Read his bio here.

Check out his all-new blog here

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Bill Quaintance
Bill Quaintance


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