A party is not a nightclub. If you’re used to dressing to stand out (“peacocking”), tone it down for holiday parties. Think “one interesting item” – something that represents you that women can ask you about.
For example – I wear a neck chain with an emblem that represents the city I’m from. It’s distinctive enough that it (and thus I) gets attention, but fashionable enough that it doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard.
There’s a reason for this. When a woman asks me about it (and she will, eventually, either as an excuse to start talking to me or at some point during the conversation), it gives me a chance to tell her about me. This invites her to do the same. We’re building attraction and comfort.
Quick Tip: Wear something unusual or distinct and have a story about it that tells her something good about you.
This doesn’t mean you can wear khakis-and-a-button-down-tucked-in-shirt to holiday parties along with your One Interesting Item. Dress fashionably.
And by “fashionably” I do NOT mean like a fashion magazine. Dress to pick up beautiful women. Check out the fashion and style section of the Attraction Forums and the chapter on Fashion (with photos) in the downloadable eBook Magic Bullets to get the inside information.
Continuing on the “parties are not nightclubs” theme...At a nightclub, bar, coffee shop, or mall, you usually have only one chance to meet someone. You have to approach her and seize her attention.
Two of the best-known ways to do this are “Indirect” and “Direct.”
Indirect can be an opinion opener, like “Hey... do you think it can ever be okay to break up with someone by text message?” It starts a conversation and should lead into a story about why you’re asking, and then a Transition, and into a conversation where you can get to know each other and build attraction.
In contrast, a Direct opener could be as simple as: “You’re got a very compelling look... I had to come over and see what you were like. I’m Savoy.”
Now here’s one of the secrets that experienced guys know:
The FIRST thing you say doesn’t really matter. It’s all about the SECOND thing.
The first thing you say is called the “Opener.” The second thing you say is called the “Transition.” The transition is key to getting past the awkward first few seconds and into a “normal conversation” where you can start building attraction.
** IMPORTANT **
If Direct and Indirect Openers and Transitions to normal conversations aren’t things you’ve mastered, you’re doing a disservice to yourself. This information is in Chapters 5 and 6 of my book, Magic Bullets, and you can view them here.
Now, here’s where a holiday party is different:
DON’T go direct. DON’T go indirect. Unless the party is so big or so few people know each other that it’s basically like a nightclub anyway.
It sounds like something you’d do when you’re a kid, but don’t be afraid to involve your friends. If I see someone I’m interested in, I might find someone who knows her to introduce us. If that’s not an option, remember that at parties people are SUPPOSED to meet people. “Hi, I’m Savoy,” works just fine.
Just remember what I said before... the first thing doesn’t really matter, but the second thing does. So, make sure you know what you’re going to say once she answers with “Hi, I’m Julie.” A big “Ummmm... so what do you do?” isn’t going to cut it.
[Update: I just want to make sure it’s clear... the “second thing” – what you say to her after “hi” – is the Transition. The free chapters from Magic Bullets explain this more and give you examples you can use tonight.]
In any situation, there are two ways to build attraction. The most important way is through your conversation with her. The other way is through your interaction with your environment.
At a party, your conversation with her is still the most important thing. But, how you interact with your environment is even more important than at a nightclub.
Assume that everyone at the party knows each other or knows people in common. The impression you make on EVERYONE is important. So, the moment you walk into the party, your interaction with EVERY woman at the party begins.
At a nightclub, you can get away with hanging out by yourself, doing some warm-up approaches, waiting for your friends to arrive or the place to get busy, and so on.
Not at a party. The flip side of “You’re Supposed to Meet People” that I was just talking about is, well, you’re supposed to meet people.
In other words, when you’re at a party, you’re not doing 5 separate approaches of the 5 most desirable women there. You’re creating an image or impression of yourself so that she is already predisposed to being intrigued by you when you start talking to her.
Let’s get specific:
Introduce people to each other – even people you just met. That implies you have social value – one of the huge building blocks for attraction.
Body language and positioning is huge. It’s not enough to be comfortable. You must APPEAR to be comfortable. Be the one leaning back against the wall, or sitting.
Always be talking to someone.
Always appear to be having a good time.
Always appear relaxed and centered. You’re not glancing around to find the hottest women; they party where you are.
Don’t be the guy who only talks to hot women. It looks weird at a party.
It’s a bit of a mind shift for a lot of guys, so I’ll repeat it again:
When you go to a party, think of it as one big approach to build value in the entire room. Let women notice you before you notice them.