October 25, 2009


Approach Women the Right Way

Do you know what it takes to approach women successfully? Test your knowledge!

Question 1:

You approach two women together. You decide to use an opinion opener. As soon as you ask the question, one of the women asks "are you taking a survey or something?" What did you likely do wrong? More than one answer may apply.

  1. Nothing. The women are giving you a test to see if you are strong and will hold your ground.
  2. You conveyed too much interest in the women before they earned it.
  3. Your body language and/or your tonality was off.
  4. You didn't explain why you were asking the question.


Give yourself one point for each of C and D if you chose them. Deduct one point for B if you chose it.

In this case, the women asked if you were taking a survey. This means that they don't believe that your question relates to a real situation (C), and/or they perceive you as mechanically asking the question over and over (D).

One solution to the former problem is to include a couple of identifying details that make the situation appear more immediate and less abstract. If the opener is about "my friend," change it to "my friend Mark," or, better still "my friend Mark, over there in the red shirt" while pointing either at your friends or at a large crowd of people. If the opener is abstract like "Is it okay to breakup with someone with a text message?" preface it with a phrase like "My friends and I were just arguing over this and we need your unbiased opinion, so..." Don't go overboard or unduly lengthen your opener.

Another reason you might get this kind of response is because you delivered the opinion opener as if you actually were taking a survey. Focus on making the opener appear spontaneous and force yourself to be interested in the question you are asking. If you only get this response with specific opinion openers, it probably means that you are bored with them; develop some new ones. There's no reason to be tied to any specific opinion opener; they all generally lead to the same result anyway.

Why is the answer probably not (B)? After all, it's very easy to convey too much interest in the opener. However, the responses you'll likely get if you do so are more likely to be along the lines of "I have a boyfriend" or "we're just having a conversation here." People who appear to be taking a survey aren't usually showing a lot of interest in their interviewees.

However, if the woman says "are you asking that to every woman here?" it might mean that you are conveying too much interest.

We're sorting through all of this just by using a woman's verbal cues to understand what she means and what she is feeling. This is a very basic example. Experienced men will know how a woman's body language and tonality when she feels that a man is too interested in her too soon differs from her body language and tonality when she doesn't know why she is being asked a question. This is the sort of the thing that is much easier to teach at our bootcamps.

As for (A), the odds are against a "test" delivered in this way this early in a conversation. But it's not beyond the realm of possibility and we're being generous with the first question, so don't deduct any points if you selected (A).

Question 2:

You're on a date with Catherine. You drop by a nightclub for a couple of drinks, and she recognizes a promoter/owner/some other man whom she knows. She waves him over and they start talking. They obviously have met before, but don't seem to have each other's contact information yet. What do you do? More than one answer may apply:

  1. Leave them. Go meet other women. Wait for her to come to you.
  2. AMOG the guy. [AMOG is an acronym for Alpha Male Other Guy. Sometimes we use it as a verb to describe how to make other men look bad in front of women without appearing to do so.]
  3. Make a mental note not to take women to clubs when you're on dates with them unless you have a specific reason in mind.
  4. Stay, and act unthreatened.


Deduct one point if you chose (B). These tactics work well to get rid of a man so you can be alone with the woman you want. But they are less effective when the man has an invitation from the woman to be where he is. Going out of your way to make him uncomfortable will just make you look insecure. And the opportunity to be alone with Catherine is going to happen anyway – social rules presumably prohibit most men from spending the night as a "third wheel" on a date.

Give yourself one point if you chose (C). Stay away from clubs on dates unless you have a reason to be there, like you're a great dancer. I personally take women on dates to clubs all the time, but I know what I'm doing and why I'm taking them there. I take women to clubs where I know a lot of people and can convey to women that I am a man with Status (see chapter 7 of Magic Bullets). I'm also good at situational people-watching comments, I like to have a drink now and then, and clubs can be great places to create sexual energy, which I can use to my advantage since my house is within walking distance of many clubs.

Give yourself one point for (A) only if you have advanced-level talent and know that you can consistently approach women at least as attractive as your date, and generate obvious signs of interest from them within 2-3 minutes. Most men don't have this talent, unless you've been to a bootcamp or have otherwise built outstanding opening, transitioning, and attraction game on your own.

(D) earns you a point if you envisaged yourself taking over the conversation and then taking her away at an early opportunity and loses you one if you planned to just sit there like a lump while your date gets charmed by someone else right in front of you. The right kind of touching can be highly valuable here, but don't make it look like you are touching your date because you are feeling threatened. That's the smell of blood in the water to another man, and the scent of insecurity to a woman. So try to make it feel organic, and make it so that she is touching you as opposed to vice versa. But you should be doing that anyway. Getting touching right is important.


If you have 4 or more points, that says good things about your theoretical knowledge at least on these two subjects. Challenge yourself with advanced Love Systems theory, and of course make sure that you are putting theory into practice. 2 or 3 points is not bad – reread Magic Bullets once in a while to keep fresh. Less than 2? Study up!

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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