October 25, 2009


The Love Systems Secrets of Emotional Momentum - What to Do if Things "Fizzle"

Have you ever had this happen? You meet a girl. Things go well. You get her number. Maybe you even meet up once or twice. And then things just seem to...

... die?

She doesn’t say she has a boyfriend. She doesn’t give you the “let’s just be friends” speech. But, you also feel her attraction slipping every day. And there doesn’t seem to be any obvious reason.

Well, we’re going to deal with that situation today, but first some quick review if you’re new to Love Systems.


If you’ve read our books Magic Bullets and the Love Systems Routines Manuals Volume 1 and Volume 2, you know about emotional momentum. If not, for now think of attracting women like riding a bicycle. You have to move forward, or you will fail. There’s no standing still. The more you’re already moving, the easier it is to keep moving (the opposite is also true). It’s a rough analogy, but it’ll work for now.

It can be tough to move forward in the first call or text messages. She may not be in the same emotional state as when she first met you. The initial attraction you built with her has been evaporating since the moment you left. You have to recover all of that ground AND move forward.

Or... you fall off the bicycle.


If you feel a solid “pickup” slipping away, keep these three rules handy.

1. Bait, Don’t Chase

When a woman seems to be slipping away, most guys (at least most guys who don’t know Love Systems) will chase her harder. She didn’t answer the last text? Call her! Phone calls are short? Ask her out!

It’s logical, but counter-productive.

You want her to invest her time and emotional energy in you. But once you’ve asked her a couple of times, continuing to push the same offer on her will make her want it (and you) LESS.

It’s the same with any kind of investment. Let’s say your friend Joe wants you to invest in his new business. You keep dodging the question but Joe keeps asking or hinting at it. The more he does this, the more SURE you are that you don’t want to invest. And after a while, you stop answering Joe’s calls because you smell his agenda a mile away.


What if Joe recognized that you didn’t want to invest. Instead of pressuring you, he backed off, talked about other things, and only casually once in a while referred to his business but without asking you for anything. It sounds like it’s doing well, and one day he invites you to drop by and visit.

Well, you can do that can’t you? And if you liked what you saw, what’s going to happen next? You’ll probably ask HIM if he’s interested in more investors. Just like a beautiful woman will often start hinting at date opportunities and places to meet up when you’ve got some emotional momentum going.

The first key is to LOWER THE INVESTMENT LEVEL YOU ARE ASKING OF HER. There are many ways to do this, depending on the situation, but here are some of the big ones: 

  • Texts instead of phone calls
  • Light, fun conversation instead of serious topics
  • Conversation for the sake of it alone instead of making plans
  • Shorter rather than longer phone calls (and text messages)

In summary – take a step back, make sure she’s with you, and then start going forward and building momentum again... together.

2. Be in The Moment

Tell me if this story sounds familiar. You met a woman you’re interested in. She is all over you, insists you take her number, promises to make you dinner this weekend and implies that she might be the desert...

... but it’s not that same girl when (if?) you get her on the phone. She’s actually busy this weekend and doesn’t suggest another date.

Well, that’s not fair, is it?

Darn right it isn’t. Before I learned Love Systems and changed my life around, this used to get me so frustrated. Sometimes I’d even call the girl and ask what the heck happened. (There’s no point doing that either.)

To explain what’s going on and what to do, I’m going to take you on a little detour.

I love playing board games. It’s a very nerdy hobby – I’m not talking about games people know, like Trivial Pursuit or Monopoly. I’m talking about games no one has heard of – detailed games re-fighting ancient wars, and so on.

(Obviously, this isn’t something most women can relate to. But, it’s my hobby and I’m passionate about it. Since women are attracted by emotion, not logic (you should know this), the average swimsuit model will genuinely prefer to hear me passionately talk about board games and why I love them more than Mr. Generic boring her droning on about his cars and money. Like Love Systems expert Samurai wrote recently on The Attraction Forums, she feels what you feel. I’ll take passionate over bored any day.)

Anyway... there’s one game I used to play a lot called Diplomacy. It’s a game of negotiation, betrayal, and intrigue, with a bit of military strategy thrown in. I used to be fairly good, but not great. At tournaments, I’d often get to the “final table” (the top seven players, since it’s a seven-player game) and just as often be one of the first players eliminated.

Almost ten years ago, at the World Boardgaming Championships (yes, it does exist), I deliberately got a previous year’s champion drunk so he’d tell me my flaw. See, one of the lessons I learned in school from a Goldman Sachs guest lecturer was “Alcohol Works.” I stick with good advice wherever I find it.

My flaw? Not strategy. Not tactics. Not negotiation.

Optimistic self-delusion.

He told me he could pull the wool over my eyes by figuring out what it was that I wanted to believe, and then use that against me while he prepared to stab me in the back. If I was playing France and I really wanted to believe that my English ally wasn’t about to attack me, then I’d believe just about any explanation the English player would give me... Before he stuck the knife in.

“Play the board as it is, not how you want it to be.”

Board games are silly, but the lesson isn’t. It’s funny how many times I’ve repeated that exact phrase without anyone asking where or what this “board” was about. But the meaning is clear, and very applicable to Love Systems.

The woman you want was all over you last night? That was last turn. Board’s changed.

A woman is in your neighborhood and wants to come over tonight after being standoffish for weeks? Board’s changed. Tomorrow she might not want to. You’ll get nowhere by saying “but last night you wanted to,” at least no further than I’d get in a Diplomacy game saying “but last turn you didn’t have an army next to Paris.”

3. Know Your Moves

The great thing about Love Systems being “bottom up” – we start by figuring out what works and only THEN put theories and structure on top of it – is that literally every part of attracting beautiful women can be made easier.

So, even with something as specific as how to get a girl who has drifted way back in the orbit, there’s a body of Love Systems knowledge. There are even a bunch of specific texts and things to say on the phone in the Phone and Text Game chapter of the Love Systems Routines Manual Vol. 2.

But I’ll give you a classic one, right now, with my compliments:

“I just met your twin.”

This works whether you haven’t talked in months or whether you just want to spark some energy. It doesn’t require major investment on her part. It implies that you are meeting other women and if some of them are similar to her and responding to you, maybe she should make her move now before you get away.

This is something impossible to say directly and difficult to convey... which makes this such a powerful text.

It’s a strange phenomenon, but women are more interested in you if they know that other women are interested in you too. We call this “Pre-selection” and it is one of the eight basic ways to attract beautiful women. This was first explained in my book, Magic Bullets, and then discussed in our Interview Series volumes Introduction to Attraction (Savoy and The Don), Identity (Tenmagnet, Sinn, and Future), and Female Psychology (Savoy and Soul).

(For a truly advanced look at female psychology and the different steps involved in dating and relationships, check out Savoy’s Relationship Management DVD Home Study Course. There are even sample videos on the page so you can get an idea of what you’ll be learning.)

Whether you already have a set of go-to moves that work all the time for you or whether you are using the phone and text game routines from Volume 2 of the Love Systems Routines Manual, make sure you track your results!

The ideas and strategies that work – those are your moves. That’s how you’ll learn.

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Bill Quaintance
Bill Quaintance


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