October 25, 2009


Date a Friend - Social Circle Mastery

By Samurai

Part 1: The Structure of Your Social Life

'Social Circle Mastery' is the foundation of “next generation” pick up and dating techniques.  It takes us beyond relying only on “cold approach” to meet women and enhance your social life.  (Cold approach is meeting someone you don’t know and don’t really have any connection to.)  It has several purposes – to make it easier to meet and seduce “10s” (shorthand for top models, beautiful actresses, Playmates, and other women who are the elite of the elite, at least in terms of looks) – and also to better manage your social life in general and to understand the social dynamics that affect any group situation, such as school or work.


Before I begin, Braddock and I have one confession – we were never intending to develop an all-encompassing system for managing your social life.  We were just looking for new and more consistent ways to seduce 10s.  Don’t get me wrong – the Love Systems approach that I teach at bootcamps around the world, my best and most secret routines I contributed to the Routines Manual Volume 1, the chapter I wrote on Inner Game for the next edition of Savoy's Magic Bullets, and my newest insights I contribute to the advanced interview series – it all works, and it’s amazing.  It’s a cliche to say that Love Systems changed my life, but it’s true.  And every weekend when we teach a program, we change another dozen lives.  As a cold approach system, it’s revolutionary and amazing and I am never going to stop doing cold approach.

But, cold approach has inherent limitations.  If I want a 10 tonight and there’s no 10 where I go out, there’s not much I can do.  Even Savoy can’t seduce a woman who isn’t there.  There’s luck involved, and we wanted to control the impact of chance.  Chance isn’t always bad – sometimes random opportunities come your way, and if you have the skills to take advantage of them, it can be amazing.  The seduction of the famous Playboy Playmate that I wrote about in a previous LSi is a perfect example – if you missed it, you can read a little bit about it on my bio.

Anyway, back to 10s.  On an immediate level, we use our social circles in two different but related ways:

  • As a source of beautiful women.  Of course, this only happened when we learned how to find, join, and lead social circles that have these beautiful women in them.  This is what led us to the MRB5 model, which I will get into below.  
  • As “glue.”  With any woman, there’s always a chance that her logistics (other commitments, friends, etc.) will prevent you from seducing her on the same night you meet her.  We’ve all succeeded against heroic odds and those make the best stories, but the mundane reality is that, for example, the runway model you just met after a fashion show probably isn’t going to be able to go anywhere with you that night, no matter how good you are.  By building and managing social circles in the right way, you can absorb her into your life and grow her interest in you without you actually doing anything.  We call this “slow burn game.”

It sounds easy in theory, right?  The devil is in the details.  It does take some work, but with the lifestyle that Braddock and I and other guys who are using Social Circle Mastery are using, it’s so worth it.

Before I get into some of the specifics, I want to reassure you that before Love Systems I was not naturally great at social situations.  I was never the popular guy in school and my social life since then wasn’t a whirlwind of activity.  Braddock’s story is slightly different (and hopefully we can get him to tell it in an upcoming LSi) but the point is that you don’t have to be one of the naturally socially powerful people to succeed with Social Circle Mastery.

Having social circle mastery means that you have the lifestyle, the friends, the connections, the access to people/places/parties/events and the hot women in your social circle.  Beautiful women should be plentiful, abundant, and dying to be a part of your social circle and your life.  It is a social magnetism towards your life.  It also means having the ability to seduce women like a rock star through this social circle.

The Basics: Social Dead Ends and Two Types of Connectors

Let’s begin with basics, the building blocks that will help with the more advanced Social Circle Mastery concepts.  First, let’s define two terms or different types of people: ‘social dead ends’ and ‘connectors.’  A social dead end is someone who adds no value to your life and generally brings you down – usually through things like negativity, inability to progress, or disinterest in evolving as a person.  Many people who go through our exercises at the beginning of our Social Circle Mastery seminar recognize some of these behaviors in themselves.  Human beings are imperfect.   

Our use of the term ‘connector’ is inspired by Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point , though obviously we’ve changed it to apply to dating science instead of to societal trends.  There are actually a couple of different kinds of connectors.  A social connector is someone who has a particular and rare set of social skills. They belong in multiple social circles and introduce people to other people all the time.  

A ‘value connector’ is a bit different.  Such a person may be social - and is likely to be - but it doesn’t matter if s/he is a recluse.  A value connector has access to scarce resources, where a social connector “only” has access to different social networks.  A value connector may be a doorman or promoter who can get you into a hot venue. S/he might have access to parties, events, premieres, famous people, and so on.  This gives you value as well, one step removed.  Remember in Chapter 7 of Magic Bullets when Savoy goes through the eight qualities that are universally attractive to women, and how the book shows how you can demonstrate Status (one of the qualities) through your social circle as well as through yourself?  That’s what we’re building off of here.  Some people are both social connectors and value connectors.  

Of course, we’re not talking about using people or a mercenary approach to friendship.  Most connectors are interesting, positive, and passionate people who inspire others around them.  Surrounding yourself with high-value people will motivate you to make the best of your life as opposed to surrounding yourself with people whose own failings, insecurities, and need to protect their ego justifies settling for the familiar and the routine.  To paraphrase Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, when you hang around people who are excellent, you become excellent yourself.

Anyway, remember social dead ends and the two types of connectors.  These will be very important in the next Social Circle Mastery articles.

The Structure of Your Social Life: the Power of Fifteen 

Most people’s social lives can be mapped to a series of concentric circles.  There is an innermost “core” of one or two close friends.  Then comes an inner core of another 3-5 people and an outer core of another 5-15 people.  These aren’t arbitrary numbers – this is how the human mind subconsciously qualifies social relationships.  Doing both the academic and the real-world research to come up with that was a pain, but it’s an important concept.  The people in these cores comprise the people who most influence your life.  It has been said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people that you hang around the most.’  This is partially true, but it is more accurate to say that most people are influenced by up to 15 people at a time, as different relationships ebb and flow in intensity.

Managing your core is crucial.  Your objective should be to fill your core as much as possible with connectors.  They should bring value to you and you need to bring value to them.  

This will have an immediate impact on your dating life, whether or not you go for 10s.  One of the insights from Magic Bullets is that women will judge you based on your friends.  This is true for one night stands (if you are around fun, cool people and are the life of the party, you are immediately more attractive) and even more for longer-term relationships, since most women are interested in the social life and opportunities that you bring her to.  A lot of this “immediate effect” dimension builds off of the great interview that Savoy and The Don did on Advanced Winging (download it now - it’s one of the best interviews in the series and if you ever go out with a wingman, it will improve both of your results immediately).

Taking it one step further, your social network should not only be attractive to women, but also be a source of beautiful women into your life.  This is something we cover in detail in the Social Circle Mastery seminars and will figure prominently in future articles.

On a more advanced level, when you are introduced through friends to other friends, your pre-existing alliances often determine your social value and your relative value to the person to whom you are being introduced.  Don’t go saying “I don’t want to play that game.”  Beautiful women are hyper-conscious of social value.  

The key principle about your core is to bring value to peoples’ lives and they will bring value to yours.  Be a connector and have other connectors in your life. If all the slots in your top fifteen are filled with negative people who don’t offer value or exhibit forward momentum in their own lives, then you might need to reassess the role that they play in yours.  You can have friends you like and care about who don’t help you meet your goals in life, but these should not be the only friends you have.

Your top three cores (the approximately 15 most present people in your life) determine your social success –in terms of (a) social status (b) life orientation and (c) at least some degree of life success.  You can’t expect to fill these spaces with people who can’t help you reach your goals and then complain that these goals are out of reach.

Social Trees

The last concept I want to define in this article is that of Social Trees.  Everyone is part of a number of different social trees.  Examples of where ‘social trees’ arise include your workplace, your school, the guys that you go out with, your yoga class, etc.  Social trees are relative in value to you and to each other.  For example, having a high position on a certain low value social tree (e.g. the leader of two geeky guys who each have no friends) is not as socially valuable as having a low position on a high-value social tree (e.g., the celebrity hanger-on who occasionally gets to sleep with beautiful fans).  That being said, it is always advisable to be at the top of one tree.  One practical use of this is on dates, which we often plan so that she can see you in a social environment in which you’re up at the top of the social tree (e.g., you’re throwing a party, so you invite her to come with you).  You shouldn’t have to re-read Magic Bullets to know how powerful an effect that social status has on women.

Understanding trees means understanding social dynamics, and our techniques for “tree climbing” (becoming the alpha mate of trees), “tree jumping” (how to switch trees), and merging trees are part of the magic of Social Circle Mastery and we should touch on these in future articles.

Initial Insights

The goal of this article is to introduce the concept of connectors, dead ends, cores, and trees.  With that as a foundation, we can get into some of the more in-depth insights and strategies for Social Circle Mastery (or when you come take the seminar, you will be able to hit the ground running from the first minute).  Additionally, I wanted you to think of Social Circles as something you can manage, indeed master, as opposed to taking a purely passive approach about who ends up in your life.  

As an exercise, I’d like you to think about your social relationships in terms of cores and trees.  Map them out on paper.  Ask yourself who is a social connector, who is a value connector (some people may be both), and who is a dead end.  What is missing from your social life?  Who might you want to cultivate?  Are you bringing value to the connectors in your life?  

Just by asking yourself these sorts of questions, you will already be taking a giant leap forward over most men.

We’ve got a couple more articles ready to go, so stay tuned for those in future emails.  As well, Braddock and I will try to get to as many posts related to Social Circle Mastery over the next week or two as we can in The Lounge (if you are not a member of The Lounge because you haven’t taken a bootcamp or seminar, we’ll also be on The Attraction Forums, which is open to everyone.

Read Part 2 Here.

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