October 25, 2009


Dating At Work, School, and Friends

Some people say "don't do it." And that's a fair argument. You definitely are taking risks. A pickup attempt or a relationship that doesn't work out can create a bad situation within your social circle. This can mean as little as a bit of awkwardness or as much as complete alienation from the group. There is usually a loss of social status, and, at work, there may be professional issues.

Still, a lot of you are going to do it anyway and truth be told, it can be done well. Here are some basic principles: 

  1. Don't start with this until you are good. Your immediate social or professional circle is not the place to practice.
  2. Pickup within your circle is often much more gradual than a "cold approach" (when you meet a woman you don't know in a public place).
  3. The principles of Love Systems stay the same, but the tactics become different.

Here's why the tactics are different.

Love Systems techniques are designed for "cold approaches" where you don't know the woman beforehand and you may be subjected to a limited amount of time. Most social situations such as parties, restaurants, parks, clubs, or airplanes fall into this category. The strength of the system lies in the ability to take the "normal" pattern of how a relationship develops (which is usually over several weeks) and compress it into a few hours.

This is an important point. Dating within your social circle does not mean expanding or adapting Love Systems to a slower-moving social situation. It means putting the underlying principles of the technique back into their natural habitat.

It's both harder and easier than you might think.

It's harder because you generally need to be "on" for a lot more time. You already know, for example, that from meeting a stranger to beginning a sexual relationship with her takes some time. However, spending an 8 hour workday in the cubicle next to that attractive woman in marketing does not count the same way. But you still need to be "on" for those 8 hours. She will still notice any "mistakes" or low-value behavior you exhibit over that time (and tomorrow, and the next day).

On the positive side, you have a lot more time to exhibit genuine positive characteristics about yourself to her. In an airport lounge, you may have only a few minutes, and therefore have to cram some demonstrations of high value into your conversation very quickly so you catch her interest. Someone you see every day can learn about these attractive characteristics of yours "naturally," over the course of time. She'll know you date beautiful women because she sees them, not because you subtly implied it. She'll know you're confident and have leadership capabilities because she sees it, not because you artificially constructed a situation that allowed you to demonstrate it.

However, the quotation marks around "naturally" are for a reason. Recognizing the slower pace of the interaction does not mean doing nothing. You still need to position yourself and go through the various phases of the Emotional Progression Model. You just don't have to rush it.

In addition, there are a number of tactical differences that apply to social circle game.

  • Openers are unnecessary, and opening is easy. The same goes for "hard qualification:" it's needless.
  • Avoid dates. She's in your circle, so invite her and everyone else out for something fun: drinks after work, a trip to a club, dinner, and so on. On the surface, it's just social (and a demonstration that YOU are the leader, since you're the one who organizes who goes out and where you go). If she's attracted, she'll make sure she's there.
  • Within your circle, peer endorsement is absolutely crucial. It's important enough in cold approaches, as her friends should like you a lot to encourage her to leave with you or to see you again. It's extra important when dealing with mutual friends, since they know you. Time spent managing your social circle is rarely time wasted.
  • Do NOT put her on the spot. Don't kiss her where anyone can see. Don't get into a lot of touching that would draw attention to you and her.

In a lot of office/social circle/class romances, opening and attraction generally happen in the day-to-day interactions of your group. This is where living the life of a confident, successful man (as opposed to putting on this persona just when you go out) is important. Qualification, and some of comfort, may also happen here, but more often occurs at a designated group social event.

Dating within your social circle is how most people meet their significant other, and you can do it too. There are some differences in getting a girl within your circle. It will generally happen over a longer period of time. There are also tactical differences between cold approach and social circle game, and generally it's a lot easier within your circle to get a girlfriend.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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