October 25, 2009


Older Men Younger Women

The truth about dating younger women

If you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even beyond, and you want to be with hot younger women, this is for you...

(This is also for you if you ever date women who are “different” from you... this article is focused on age differences, but many of the techniques can be translated for dating across cultures, borders, language, and so on.)

Far too many men think that you have to be rich, famous, or have the moves of a professionally-trained Love Systems lead instructor to date young, beautiful women.

This is a MYTH.

It comes from older women (or younger men) who don’t want the competition.  And it comes from some older guys themselves.  Sometimes it’s just easier to give up on your goals because they are “impossible” than it is to pursue them.

In other words, it can be tough knowing that there are guys who are no better than you having the time of their lives and dating young, beautiful women...

... and not just for looks, either.

It’s not politically correct to say this, but as someone who prefers to date younger women myself, I prefer to date women who have less baggage, less cynicism, and more love of life and adventure.  Some single older women can come off jaded...

So, I’m going to share some powerful techniques – right here.

1.Don’t force yourself into her world

About a year ago, I was leading a Love Systems bootcamp in New York.  Bootcamps usually have 8-10 guys (and 3-5 instructors), and one of the students was a recently divorced man in his late 40s I’ll call “Brian.”

Brian didn’t want to settle for the divorcee circuit, full of endless dinner dates with women his age complaining about their ex-husbands.  He even told me about one date when the woman told him it annoyed her when her ex-husband wanted sex because “sex is for teenagers.”

Brian wanted to date young, beautiful, fun women, but had mostly given up.  He told me his Love Systems bootcamp was his “last chance.”

Talk about pressure!

Anyway, we weren’t going to let him settle.  And some of his problems were obvious.  He was going to the 20-something clubs, wearing 20-something clothes, talking in slightly out-of-date TV slang. Women avoided him.

Brian was making the classic mistake that generals and leaders have made throughout history – he was fighting on the enemy’s turf.

Brian’s competition is mostly the young, trendy guys women will see in class or in entry-level jobs every day.  And Brian was assuming that he had to beat them at their game – be just as young, energetic, cool, and trendy as them.


Look at it this way.  If Bill Gates and I wanted the same woman, I’d ask him to pay me off you can be damn sure that I’d change the subject every time “computers” or “having trillions of dollars lying around” came up.  I’m not going to fight him on his turf.

The same thing goes for Brian.  The women he likes are around young, trendy guys all the time.  The road Brian was on, he would at best become a competent imitator, but always inferior to the real thing.

So, we flipped the script.

2. Flip the script

We changed Brian’s basic strategy.  Instead of talking about MySpace and Tila Tequila, Brian talked about travel, art, and adventure.

Instead of letting him wear clothes too young for him, we put him in a suit.  He radiated power and confidence.  These are powerful aphrodisiacs, especially in older men.

And instead of trying to order Jaeger shots over blaring music, we took him to lounges and wine bars where his class and sophistication could show through.

(And where, if anything, the quality of younger women was even higher...)

Now we’re fighting on HIS turf.  He’s competing based on sophistication, class, power and status.  In other words, his strengths.

It doesn’t guarantee success, of course.  There’s no point competing on a strength that women don’t care about.  And some women ONLY want a guy who fits in at raves and keg parties.  Dismiss those.

Most women want a combination of things.  So, pick a couple of your strengths and go with those. This is all part of building an identity.

(Magic Bullets reveals the secret eight things that beautiful women the world over want in a man and how to convey these to her right away.)

Back to Brian.  We go out two nights (and have three days of seminar instruction and exercises) as part of our comprehensive bootcamp every weekend.  On the second night, Brian got three phone numbers, one makeout, and had a smile on his face bigger than any he’d ever had since he was as old as the women he was now confidently approaching.

Here’s part of an email he sent me after the bootcamp:

Savoy, I wanted to thank you guys again for all you did for me last weekend.  I truly feel like a changed man.  Jessica (the brunette from Saturday) just spent the night, and even though I have nothing planned this weekend, I’m looking forward to the possibilities more than I’ve looked forward to a weekend since high school.  I wish I’d known about Love Systems ten years ago...

- “Brian” [not his real name]

Of course, flipping the script is easier said than done.  That’s why this past April’s volume of the interview series is on Dating Younger Women.  It starts off with me and Kisser breaking down the SPECIFIC, actual things you have to do to “flip the script” successfully.

Like we say on the interview, flipping the script doesn’t mean that you should deliberately go out of your way not to have insight into her world.  Don’t be a “tired old man” whose interests don’t extend beyond sports, the music you listened to as a kid, and your job.

3. Flip the script, again

This is something I don’t think we’ve ever revealed before the Dating Younger Women interview:

Once you’ve flipped the script once, flip it again.

Instead of being the older guy chasing younger women, have THEM chase YOU.

This is something all guys should be able to do since it’s such a great technique.  It’s especially important for dating younger women.

You’re definitely not going to be the kind of older man whom younger women go nuts for by being “nice” and “sweet” – at least at first.

Instead, be the man who has lots of options and who is currently single by CHOICE (but she might “tame” you – a familiar feeling for many women).

In other words, make HER show that you that she’s classy and sophisticated enough to roll with you.  That she can come UP to your level, not that you can go DOWN to hers.

It’s all part of an integrated system – your personal game plan to being irresistible to the type of women you want.

 Let’s hear from the Sheriff...

Funny enough, the Love Systems instructor who goes by the name of Sheriff had recently posted some of his thoughts about older men and younger women in the Love Systems lounge.

(The Lounge is a free private online community of former bootcamp clients and Love Systems instructors.  We provide lifetime post-bootcamp support, and it’s also the place where our newest breakthroughs – like Social Circle Mastery, and even Relationship Management - were first developed.)

Most of you are already on the Lounge, but for those who aren’t, here’s what Sheriff had to say:

I've been talking to a lot of younger girls (18-19) at the moment, and actually making a real effort to hang out with people younger than me - most of my good friends are 30-34, to my youthful 26.  I was having a bunch of issues connecting with younger girls, but being the instructor-par-excellence I am, I decided to become an expert on this.  ;-)  Here's what I've learned since I decided to handle this a couple of months ago (but bear in mind that of the pool of perhaps 12 girls I've cultivated here who are between 18 and 19, all are RICH and used to living a life of luxury where maids, drivers, and beach houses are par for the course).

The first thing I've noticed: you need to ground your interest ASAP.  Younger girls lack much of the social intuition older girls have.  They're often socially slightly scared of older guys and girls - they're only recently out of high school where relative age is a BIG DEAL - where dating a guy a few years older than you carries a status that in the real world is totally missing.  Get onto normal conversation and commonalities QUICKLY, and qualify a non-sexual interest in that, even if it's something dumb like where she’s from, OR she'll be confused by (and creeped out by) your interest.

The second thing I've noticed: younger girls are crap at picking up IOIs, and often fail to see when you're into them unless you make it pretty obvious.  So, be explicit with your IOIs and “Why I Like You”s.  I was assuming that girls weren't in to me (doh) and not escalating properly in my social circle... but hadn't realized that in a number of cases, the girls seriously thought I was out of their league.  While I'll tease younger girls, I'll also now make a big effort to be NICE to them - no hard-core qualification.  Many of them don't yet have the cynical edge of older girls, and if you're used to building attraction through effortlessly pushing aside shit-tests, you're going to be in trouble if there are none forth-coming.  ;-)

The third thing I've noticed: high quality younger girls tend to be heavily idealistic, even if those views seem naive to you.  If a young, rich girl tells you how she's thinking of going to live in an artist's commune, rather than cracking up uncontrollably, reward her for that.  If she tells you how she thinks it's stupid, but still thinks she might be a famous actress one day despite no acting experience to date, don't laugh in her face, and don't give her shit for it.  Qualify and encourage these.  You might be surprised by how much of your qualification work you're doing just by being an older, successful guy who's actually taking her seriously.

The fourth thing I've noticed: younger (and older) girls respond well to age-specific qualification.  Favorable comparison to the other end of the age bracket is effective and consistent.  Younger girls will always hear about how I enjoy hanging out with younger girls, because they're less cynical, more willing to express themselves and live in the moment, and because they're more idealistic and not embittered.  Obviously, older women will hear about how much I like women with more life experience, etc.  ;-)

The fifth thing I've noticed: different things DHV differently to different age groups.  Older girls get the spiel (carefully done, of course) about how incredibly hooked up I am, and how successful I am in my various careers, and how mature I am.  ;-)  This was falling flat with younger girls.  So, I tried switching to talking about how FUN a lot of the stuff going on was and switched to physical and state-based attraction.

I had to cut parts of the post, both for space and because we’re usually a lot freer with private details in the Love Systems Lounge than we are in these articles.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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