May 11, 2014

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3 Big Mistakes that Hold Men Back

Men love that Love Systems has a step-by-step approach. It makes Love Systems easy to learn and to fix problems. (This is a side benefit. Love Systems is based on female psychology. Since women are most attracted when they feel the right emotions in the right order, a step-by-step approach makes sense).

Let's take advantage of this to break down your game in five big areas: Approaching, Attraction, Phone Game, Dates, and Relationships.

1. You're not consistently approaching women

In sports, you can't score a goal if you don't take the shot. In life, you can't attract a woman if you don't approach her

"Approach anxiety" is where you talk yourself out of approaching women, usually with excuses (e.g., "she looks busy", "I want to get another drink first", etc.). This is solvable within a couple hours at any Love Systems live training program - curing clients' approach anxiety one of the first things we test and evaluate instructors on.

Attractive men approach right away. Sometimes the window of opportunity for a successful approach is very small, and you'll miss it if you hesitate. Or, if she sees you hesitate but approach anyway, you'll have made the rest of your job ten times harder on yourself. Women can smell hesitation a mile away; it's deeply unattractive.

You can also try to solve approach anxiety on your own. It will take a lot longer, and many don't succeed or end up spinning their wheels and wasting time, but it's possible. Two things will help if you do:

First, find a good wingman who you enjoy spending time with. Give him $100 at the start of the night and have him give you back $10 every time you approach.

The second is more of an inner game secret: people take action in the present if they have confidence in the future. A lot of the time, guys aren't actually anxious about going up to a woman and saying "hi" or using a "line" (or a Love Systems opener or conversation-starter). They're more anxious about what happens next - what do you do when she responds to your opener? Getting good game overall helps solve approach anxiety because you will want to approach. Why wouldn't you, if approaches generally lead to attraction?

2. Your approaches aren't leading to phone numbers, dates, or getting physical with her

You are approaching a lot of women but not getting attraction. There are inner game and outer game solutions here. Use both.

Inner Game: When you go out, make sure you are having fun. That sounds simple, but most guys do the reverse - they focus on whether she appears to be having fun. It's a bit counter-intuitive, but women will be a lot more attracted to a man who is self-amused than one who appears to be looking to her for validation.

Another inner game trick - assume attraction. Assume she is interested in you. Tell yourself this as you approach. You will be absolutely amazed at the effect here.

Both of these things sound simple and easy (and didn't take much space to explain) but they are harder to do than they sound and take significant effort. That said, they are solidly worth it. If you're not good at introducing or modifying your own beliefs, then set some small and achievable goals at first, check out some Love Systems inner game resources, and start small.

Of course, the best inner game in the world won't mean a darn thing if you don't have the outer game skills to actually DO anything. Rather than going through all of the main building blocks of attraction, I'll give some links:

Each of those has a free 10 minutes from top instructors that you can listen to right away.

3. Phone Numbers Don’t Lead to Dates

You’re going out, you’re approaching women, you’re getting attraction and women are giving you their phone numbers – but these pickups aren’t leading to dates. If this situation describes you, don’t stress! This is a very common development phase that almost every man goes through.

The problem here is that either you are getting “cheap” phone numbers and/or your phone and text game is holding you back.

Cheap phone numbers means that, sure, you got her phone number, but it’s unlikely to lead anywhere. Women will sometimes give out their number out of social obligation, even if they have no intention of going on a date with you. Or they might feel attracted at that moment – but if you’ve been studying Love Systems, you known darn well that you have to solidify and lock in attraction (through qualification and comfort ), or her feelings will have evaporated by the time you call or text her.

You can turn a cheap phone number into a useful one. A lot of the examples and text message dialogues and scripts that Braddock gives in his book The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game are about converting these “long-fuse” phone numbers. But it’s better (and easier) to just improve your game in the first place so you get higher-quality (or, “shorter fuse”) phone numbers.

If your phone game itself needs work, don’t worry – phone game is the easiest place to improve. Fortunately, I already recorded a 21 minute video tutorial on how to do that, so I don’t need to repeat the 5 or 6 techniques I went through there. Just watch the video below:

Finally, the book Date! has a great system for getting from the phone number to the date. It’s written by Nick Hoss and Vercetti, who collectively have won the #1 instructor in the year award three of the past four years, and it’s awesome. Click the link below to check it out:

4&5. Dates, Relationships, and more

Tune in next week for part II of this sticking point series, where I’ll answer questions about this article and use the same format for date sticking points and relationship issues.

Got a question or a comment about these sticking point solutions? Reply to the original email and let me know. I’ll make your comments anonymous and will answer as many as I can for next week’s Love Systems’ insider.


Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy

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