October 01, 2009


What to Say - Be More Social

Obviously, the general answer to this is: the Transition phase.

The specific answer to “what kind of Transition?” is often a cold read. A cold read is where you tell someone something about themselves that rings true to them, even without any particular knowledge about the person. As you know from Magic Bullets, cold reads are one of the four major types of Transitions. It’s my favorite type of Transition, and I use cold reads in about 90% of my approaches.

This is one of the reasons why I was so excited to do Vol. 23 of The Love Systems Interview Series on Cold Reads with The Don.

Obviously, I’m not going to do justice to an intense hour-long grilling on cold reads in a couple of pages in the Love Systems insider (LSi) but I wanted to pull out a couple of major themes.

Cold vs. Warm Reads 

Cold reads are one of the easiest techniques to develop, because women will give you instant feedback. When you tell a woman about herself, she will react and give cues to how well your description “fits.” Over time, you will get better and better at finding good universal cold reads. You will also get better at calibrating your cold reads to take educated guesses about a woman’s personality based on her looks, clothes, mannerisms, and voice. The more you use these kinds of cues, the more you are getting into the even more powerful technique of “warm reads.”

Classic Cold Reads

A classic cold read – which was designed for all of humanity as opposed to one focused on younger and beautiful women – was compiled by Bertram Forer. There’s a long discussion about Forer in the Routines Manual Volume 1, so I’ll shrink one of his cold reads down to a paragraph here. Read it over and imagine that someone is saying this to you:

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker, and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

Even though you’ve been warned that this is a cold read and even though it’s coming from a dating coach sitting in a coffee shop in Los Angeles (or, originally, from a social scientist about fifty years ago who is now dead), you probably found yourself agreeing with much of the above.

So, imagine the effect when a confident, well-presented man is able to deliver a much better cold read – targeted at a young, beautiful woman’s reality and seeming to come from a chance observation.

Sample Cold Reads

Here’s another example of a good cold read Transition when you meet a woman. This is copied directly from the Routines Manual Volume 1 (and there are also many more in the Routines Manual Volume 2). I picked this one at random; the book includes tons of these so you have different styles to choose from.

Eye Angle Transition

This routine works on the theory that eyes that are slanted downwards come across as caring and empathetic, whereas eyes slanted upwards convey a more sincere but fierce impression.

You can use this routine at any point during your opener; even interrupt her at any time to start this one.

“That’s really interesting.”

(She responds.)

“Did you know that if your eyes slant downwards your first impression tends to be empathetic and approachable whereas if your eyes slant upwards people tend to think you’re fierce and unapproachable?”

There are two options from here:

  1. If her eyes slant down – “Do you find that people are generally friendly towards you but you really only let a select group of people become really close to you?”


  1. If her eyes slant up – “Do you find that people don’t always open up to you straight away and you only let a select group of people become really close to you anyway?”

    (She responds.)

    “Yeah, you seem like the sort of person that enjoys having friends but only lets a few people into the inner circle. I’m the same way.”

Source: Samurai, Love Systems Instructor

Excerpted from the Routines Manual

There’s nothing magical about this routine, but it’s a good way of interrupting a conversation that stemmed from your opening line and turning to topics that are of particular interest to beautiful women – herself, how she comes across to others, what she is really like, etc. It also implies that you understand her world – how she can actually be a nice person but because she is beautiful she has had to be less open at first to people because they often have an agenda or preconception about her. You’re already on your way to demonstrating value, which you know from Magic Bullets is the key currency of attraction.

Cold Reads outside of Transitioning

Cold reads make very useful Attraction and Comfort routines, and can sometimes be helpful in qualification too. There are several examples of this on the interview and in the Routines Manual. This is a little more advanced than I usually get in the LSi – the later in the interaction, the more skilled you have to be to use cold reads effectively. It’s a great tool once you get the hang of it.

Advanced Cold Reads – Framing

Using cold reads to tell her what you want her to be is a powerful technique. Did you notice in Samurai’s example that he is framing her to be someone who “enjoys having friends” but “only lets a few people” in? Then he reveals that he is “the same way” which can imply commonalities, conspiracy, trust, shared realities, and so on, and will no doubt be a useful conversation to come back to once Samurai reaches qualification or Comfort.

This particular transition routine is one you could use a few seconds after meeting someone. A few minutes later, you might make your framing more aggressive – telling her that she is sexual, independent, not hung up on what her friends think all the time, spontaneous, adventurous, and so on. If done in a compelling manner, she will want to be this person for you.

The “ring finger routine” is one of several such sexual-framing routines included in the Routines Manual.

The Cold Reads Interview

There’s only so much we can cover in the LSi off of a one-hour interview – and to be honest, I don’t want to get so advanced or detailed that I start confusing newer readers. But you can get the full Cold Reads interview for instant download (listen to the first 10 minutes free). The interview includes:

  • “The Cube” – how and why it works.

  • More examples of my favorite cold reads, and The Don’s as well.

  • Using cold reads for physical escalation (touching).

  • Three common mistakes guys make when cold reading – including one you’d never expect to be a mistake (most guys do this).

  • Advanced sexual framing.

  • Cold reads vs. warm reads.

If you’re a subscriber to the interview series you should already have received this, or will in a couple of days. If you’re not, I strongly recommend that you subscribe to the Interview Series. (You should become a subscriber... there’s a reason why every Love Systems instructor has specifically credited the Interview Series as being crucial to his development... and a reason why most instructors still subscribe, even though they have among the best skills out there.)

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Bill Quaintance
Bill Quaintance


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