September 22, 2009


Use a Wingman to Get the Girl

Learn how best to utilize a wingman.

Most men know that it's easier to meet women when you are out with friends than when you're alone. Friends who know that you are trying to meet women and who may be doing the same thing themselves are often called "wingmen" or "wings" in popular culture. Here, we'll keep it simple - men who are working with you to meet women are Friends (capitalized).

The most important thing is to work WITH your Friend, not against him. Your Friend is NOT your competition. If women see you and your Friend tripping each other up or fighting for the same woman, they will assume a few things about you:

  • You don't have many friends, since you spend time with someone you don't seem to like and respect (and who doesn't seem to like and respect you).
  • You don't have much going for you, since you spend time with people who don't have much value (if you're putting down your Friend).
  • You don't have much success with women. If you did, then you wouldn't need to fight someone from your own social circle for a woman you just met.

The common theme in this stuff is that your Friend reflects on you.

Women use little clues or "tells" to make assumptions about men. Women don't have time to get to know all of the potential mates they run into. So they make assumptions based on the little things that they DO have time to notice about everyone. These assumptions are very powerful even though they are mostly subconscious - often women don't even realize WHY they are attracted to a specific man.

Let's detour through a quick example. Women want successful men. Men realize this, and this is why some of them exaggerate their wealth and status. Most women are hit on so often that they don't listen to every man's story to evaluate whether it seems true. They use shortcuts.

For example, women key in on open body language. Why is this? Men who are successful tend to be self-confident (yes, there are lots of exceptions). Self-confident men tend to have confident, open body language, like holding their heads high or keeping their shoulders back. Body language is always on display and women notice it instantly. So a man with confident body language will attract more women, even though there is nothing inherently attractive about holding your head high or keeping your shoulders back. It's just that women have learned over time that men who do this (or any one of thousands of other indicators of confidence) are more likely to have the deeper characteristics that they are looking for.

What also helps women here is that fewer men know how and why to act with confident body language than know how to exaggerate their incomes. That's why we spend so much time at the bootcamps teaching each student how to express confidence with body language. We teach you to "fake it ‘til you make it" because once you've gotten a bit of success with "faking" confident body language you will develop natural confidence in your abilities with women and you will come across as confident without thinking about it. When you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will eventually follow.

Back to our original situation. Women make assumptions about you based on your social circle and friendships. Successful men interact mostly with other successful people. If you're at a restaurant with Brad Pitt, many women will want to meet you. Even if they have no chance at Brad, they'll be curious about someone who is so cool that Brad Pitt counts you among his friends. Contrast this to you going out with a generic-looking accountant (khakis, tucked in shirt, nothing stylish or adventurous). Women will be far less interested in you - even though YOU haven't changed - because they will infer things about you, your friends, and your lifestyle.

All of this goes to explain why you want your Friend to have value when you're out together. Never cut him down. Act around him as if he were a movie star who is also a good friend - as if he were a movie star, and it's totally normal for you to be hanging out with movie stars.

Got it? Good. Now let's look at some specific ways you and your Friend can make each other look great.

  • The pre-introduction. This is one of the most crucial parts of being out with a Friend. When you approach a group of people, the subject of "who are you here with" should come up. This is a fantastic opportunity. Build him up to have value. If I'm out with Braddock, I'll say that he's a successful stand-up comic and radio host, former star athlete, etc. Building up your friend when he is NOT around has much more of an effect than when he IS around. When your Friend does join your group, he will have instant attraction.

  • Interact with each other. Say you and your Friend are talking to two women. During some of that time, you two should be talking to each other, as opposed to both of you focused only on the women, 100% of the time. This shows that your friends have value to you, that you're not completely taken by the women you are talking to, etc. You can even talk ABOUT the women you've met with your Friend - it's a great opportunity to tease them or to introduce a venue change (e.g., Braddock: "Hey, Nick, I'm hungry. Let's go get sushi." Nick: "Cool. [to the women] Hey you guys should tag along, we're going to my friend's restaurant; they have killer sake you've got to try [takes women by the hand and leads them].").

  • Give your Friend a boost. Not all interactions go well. If I'm out with Braddock, and we're talking to two women, and it's going VERY well for him and his woman, but not as well for me, then Braddock could say something to the woman he's talking to, like "I'd love to stay and talk... I'm really curious about you... but your friend is kind of being weird to my friend and I don't want him to get bored." His woman will likely instantly elbow my woman in the ribs and tell her to be nicer to me. Continue gaming from there.

  • Enter the group properly. Don't enter the group together. One of you should go in, and then the other comes in later. You may need a simple code to let your Friend know whether he should stay in the group or not. Generally, you will always want your Friend in, for the reasons we've already talked about. However, what if the group you entered is one man, two women, and you were just about to pull one of the women somewhere else to isolate her. Adding an extra man at this point is awkward, and unnecessary, assuming that the other woman and the other man are getting along. One system that I like is if I put my left hand into a fist when my Friend comes into the group, he knows I don't want him to stay. Anything else, and he can stay.

  • Escalate physically in sync. Women don't like their friends to think that they are "easy." But easy is not an objective standard - it's almost completely relative. Whoever sleeps with her guy first is the easy one, whether it's 3 hours or 3 days or 3 months. So, if you and a Friend meet two women and take them home, separate them so they can't see each other. Then escalate. Moan loudly - make a lot of noise so it's obvious to the other couple that you guys are getting physical. Then your Friend's woman won't feel cheap if she lets him escalate, and when he or his woman also makes noise, it will reassure your woman that it's okay.

  • Respect "the rules." Whoever is the first one to approach a group gets to choose which woman he will attract. No exceptions. Sometimes you need to talk to the less interesting woman for an hour to give your Friend the time to succeed with his woman. He'll do the same for you. No matter how much you like the woman your Friend is talking to, you cannot steal her away. Trust me, once you get good at this, you'll realize that there more than enough beautiful women to go around.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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