May 03, 2009


Inner Game May Help You Be More Social

Inner game is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in dating science. It's a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it's a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime's worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can't convince you how to think or look at life differently - only you can do that - but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

First up - the most important factors in inner game are your experience and your mindset. Most inner game problems that men run into with women, and actually with life in general, can be traced back to one of these two areas.


When people ask me how I developed the kind of confidence that allows me to approach and seduce beautiful women consistently, I always answer the same way: "Practice." If you've done something enough times to be comfortable with it, you become confident - it's usually the new or unfamiliar situations that cause people to doubt themselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don't talk to women! It's a negative feedback loop that's perpetuated by a fear of "what might go wrong." This is important. To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better.

Think about it this way: when you were learning to ride a bicycle, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe you were, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, and you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Think of dating science the same way. I remember when I first started out with this stuff, I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn't easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don't get mad at her or yourself, don't go home, just accept that it's a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it. I can't count the number of one-on-one training or bootcamp students I've had who were too scared to approach beautiful women at the beginning of the night and were going home with them at the end.

Mind Set

Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a dual-concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle is reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle is our consciousness. We experience the outer circle, reality, through our inner circle, our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked, that our consciousness was independent of it... but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is, reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (or beliefs, if you'd rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be one reality: your own. Who's to say I'm not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing out this entire article to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind? It's possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it's a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don't be one of them.

I recently received an email from a former student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

"Think of it this way: what if, let's say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The game is so smart that you can't tell it's not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference versus reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play. He says this:

'This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let's say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be, anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these "beliefs." Think of it as your "console hack."'

I'm sure you saw this coming, but this "game" already exists and it's called reality. You become who you believe you are."

Sound a little like the Matrix? Well that's okay. Like I said, I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I'll end this article with something that I've never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, and I remember because I had an epiphany that night that was so mind-blowing I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I've learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

"The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is... to remember that you already are."

To see Cajun in action on the TV show Keys to the VIP

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