May 19, 2010


How to Break Up

Hey Savoy!

I'd like to hear your take on end game in clubs. Is it better to push for the makeout in the club and try to get the girl home that night or is it better to push for a day 2/date?

What would you say is the best option for solid game? On one hand, the risk of getting buyer’s remorse and triggering an anti-slut defense is very much higher if you go for the makeout in the club.

On the other hand, you have to deal with the possibility of a flake when you go for the day 2. This is kind of confusing, and your opinion on this would be very much appreciated!


Hi Fredde,

Kiss her if you can and if her friends won’t see. But make it short. Just enough to get the point that this is the beginning of a romantic relationship and that you and her aren’t going to be “just friends.” Convey some sexuality if you can – touch her face or pull her hair slightly. Only pull her hair if you know what you are doing; there’s an art to this. Get a platonic female friend to show you. Or practice on yourself if you have to. The trick is to run your hand up the back of her neck until you have a handful of her hair, near the roots. Gently but firmly pull down slowly. Not hard enough to actually move her head.

Be the one who stops the kissing. Leave her wanting more. Tell her “we should stop.” Many men who spend all night kissing in a club are desperate for physical contact. Men who don’t have any trouble leading women to sex don’t spend their nights in slobbery makeouts.

Now, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t kiss her. I often don’t, especially if I am conveying sexuality in other ways, especially through what I say and through my touch.

These rules apply whether you are going to bring her home or try to meet her again.

As long as you have energy, bring her home. Or go with her somewhere else after the club. This will solidify her connection to you and separate you from the other 5 guys she hung out with that night. Leaving with her doesn’t mean that you will sleep with her, or even that you should try to sleep with her in every situation. But all things being equal, your odds of getting a date are much greater if you hang out for an hour at your house after meeting her in a club than if you say your hurried goodbyes when the lights come on.

Oh, and let’s all stop calling them day 2s. They’re dates. Calling them something different doesn’t actually make them different.



I've benefited from tons of success based on taking a bootcamp and a 1 on 1 this past year. I get into a lot of relationships now and I was hoping to get some advice on how to end relationships properly. Is there any way that one can retain value amongst her friends and end a relationship?



I have a question for you, Savoy: how to dump or break up with a girl? This has been bothering me for the past few months and is an area where I have a lot of problems and I make a lot of mistakes.

The thing is that pickup material is so powerful that when I want to break up with girls they become all crazy. They won’t let me go, and eventually when they realize that I’m not joking, they start talking about what a jerk I am, that I’m using women only for sex., etc.

So, how can I dump her or break up with her? Smoothly? With no risk of bad rumors, etc.?


Dear Peter & Steven,

Great stuff! I love it when I get letters that show much the bootcamps help people get the social lives they always wanted.

The breakup should be appropriate to the relationship. If you are seeing her a couple of times a week, you need to break up in person. If you text once in a while and hook up once a month, not returning her next text message should do the trick. If your relationship has progressed beyond the point at which it is appropriate just to not return a call, then your breakup needs to be “live.” In person or on the phone. Be a man and take responsibility for your actions. Don’t do any of this “it’s not you; it’s me” nonsense. Tell her that you’ve moved on, and that you want to be honest with her.

She may hate you anyway for a while. Most of my exes did at first, and then within a couple of weeks all but one became good friends. But it’s a woman’s prerogative to hate her ex-boyfriends, and if that makes her feel better, then that’s what she should do.

As for her friends – even if she doesn’t hate you, her friends probably will. They have to. That’s the job of her friends. If they’re your friends too, they might be more neutral, but don’t count on it. Don’t argue. Let them hate. They’ll get over it and you’ll all be friends later. Unless you led her on, or were deliberately careless with her feelings.

You can prepare the ground for breaking up with a “soft landing.” If you normally return her calls the next day, return them after two days, then three or more. Cancel plans. After a week or two of this, she should be psychologically more prepared for the breakup. If you’re just casually dating, she may just stop calling you after a couple weeks.

Now, I’d like to get into why you are breaking up with so many women. As you get good, remember that you are the chooser. Just because a woman is attractive and is interested in you doesn’t mean you have to pursue her. Date quality. Figure out what you want before you go looking for more women. You might be pleasantly surprised about what happens when you set your sights higher.

By having a more active “screening” frame, you will naturally attract higher-quality women. A woman wants to know that you have high standards – so high that she needs to be at her best to win your attention. Of course, these standards have to be congruent with how you present yourself. You can’t be the loser who only dates supermodels.

My guess is also that you are sending boyfriend signals during the Comfort phase, or immediately after you sleep with a woman. Here are some general tips on how not to end up in the “boyfriend frame”:

  • Don’t see her more than once a week unless you want to be her boyfriend.

  • Make sure she knows that you are seeing other women if you are.

  • Never show jealousy.

And a final piece of advice from someone who lost most of his CD collection in college: get all of your stuff out of her apartment before you break up with her.


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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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