What’s the most annoying thing in the world? For me, it used to be doing a great job on a tough pickup with a beautiful woman... and having nothing to show for it. Like this:
AFTER gathering my courage to approach a beautiful woman in the split second she is walking past me on the street (not easy)...
AFTER having a great, fun, fluid and flirtatious conversation (also not easy)...
AFTER getting her (real) phone number (also not easy)...
After doing all of that, it’s almost unfair not to get her on the phone or out on a date. I was fed up with putting in all the work only to fail at the very end. I had to fix this – not only for my own dating life but also because I had no chance of becoming a Love Systems instructor with issues like this.
In this case, the solution was all in how you ask a woman for her phone number. I don’t want you guys to suffer like I did or to re-invent the wheel, so I’m going to give you a quick guide and some shortcuts.
First, here’s the wrong way to ask for her number:
"Can I have your number?”
This is pretty hazy. She knows you want her phone number, but why? Logically, she knows it’s because you’re interested in her, but emotionally, there’s nothing there. If she’s really attracted to you, you might get away with this. If she’s on the fence, it won’t leave her excited to hear from you again.
“I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. I’d like to continue this conversation. Can I have your number?”
That’s a little better, but only a little. If she’s emotionally excited about “more conversation” with you, she’ll look forward to your call. Or if she’s deeply attracted already. If not, we need to do something better.
Paint a picture.
To do this right, preparation is everything. It starts early in the conversation, when you’re talking about yourself, your interests, and “mastery topics.”
(If mastery topics are new to you, the best guide for them is in Jeremy Soul’s book Daytime Dating: Never Sleep Alone. It’s almost a chapter, so I can’t really cover it here.)
Using Daytime Dating and Jeremy Soul’s mastery topics, you will quickly learn a lot about what things you and her have in common. Like Soul says, don’t just stop with facts you have in common – get to how whatever you have in common makes you feel.
Then you add my special Nick Hoss secret sauce onto it - use that commonality, and how it makes you both feel, to lead naturally into a date. Use these three steps:
You find out (in Step 1) that you both love cooking. For step 2, you talk about how cooking makes you feel. She tells you that she likes taking care of people and making them feel good. You can relate that back to how you cut the grass at your grandmother’s house on the weekends because you take care of those who take care of you... In turn, your grandmother has taught you how to make an ethnic dish as a way of her living on through you.
Now paint a picture in her mind. Describe how you make the dish, giving little secrets that grandma told you. (e.g., say “a pinch and a half,” in grandma’s accent.) Talk about how it tastes and the mess you’ll make and how it’s all worth it. If you have good storytelling skills, she’ll be enjoying this.
Next is step 3 - invite her to come over and make this dish with you. Put her into the scene you just described and show her how she can help. Set some logistics (“Tuesday night”), not “some time.” Get her phone number so you can tell her what time to come over the day of the date.
Have the attitude that you are a busy guy and have a lot going on, but since she seems pretty darn cool, you’d love to meet up with her. (This is an underlying attitude, not something you say explicitly.)Bonus tip: Text back and forth leading up to the date, and always confirm that you are still “on” the day before. It’s not you being unsure or insecure; you’re just a busy guy who can’t put time aside if the date won’t turn out (and you should be).
If you’re new to this, have a couple date ideas queued up for different types of girls: active, creative, outdoors, etc.
If you’re more advanced, you can cold read her on these types and frame parts of her personality into it. Then it makes sense for her to enjoy your date idea.
Best of luck,