"In-field is where you learn. Everything else is just to make your in-field time more productive." - D.K., Tulsa, OK
In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell saw that pretty much anyone who is elite in his field has put in approximately 10,000 hours of practice time. Now, he's talking elite like Bill Gates at programming or The Beatles in music. Top Love Systems instructors are probably around the 10,000 hours mark. You don't need to be anywhere near that level to have a life full of beautiful women, but you do need to practice. Think of your skills with women as if they are muscles. If you go to the gym, your muscles grow. If you don't, they shrink. Your social muscles do the same thing when you use Love Systems. How much practice do you need? More is better. In general, a minimum should be at least a few hours every week. Can you commit to this?
"I usually wing with a couple of guys from my bootcamp because I know they're good and they know their stuff. No offense to the guys I was going out with before but other than the bootcamp itself, that made the biggest difference to my game."
If you're new, a good wingman motivates / forces you to go out and meet women. He also keeps you approaching and pushes you through approach anxiety. And you do the same for him. But it goes way past this... a good wingman gives a ton of support to a lot of pickups. A good wingman adds a ton to social proof, helping you get alone time with the woman you want, influencing end-of-night logistics (so you go home with the girl), allowing for easy push-pull, disqualification and other attraction techniques, etc. Some situations are nearly impossible without a good wingman.
My book Magic Bullets has a whole chapter just on how good wingmen should work together, and my own favorite interview - The Don and Savoy on Advanced Winging - has a bunch of practical things you can do that will often mean the difference between success and failure. There are some great techniques in that interview, like reverse winging (why you might want your wingman to do the initial approach) or the killer line for the end of the night - that only your wingman can deliver - that will have her going home with you. I strongly recommend this interview.
If your friends aren't trainable, then get some pre-trained wingmen. The best place for this is the Love Systems Lounge (formerly Mystery's Lounge) where pretty much everyone will be familiar with these advanced techniques. (It's free, but the only way to get in is to successfully pass a Love Systems bootcamp.) If you haven't been to a bootcamp yet, then you can also find wingmen on Forums.
"Raising my standards hurt my game at first. I just wanted hot women. When I screened for hot women who ALSO shared my interests, I got way more success and better quality. That's the biggest thing that helped me." - P.L., Vancouver, BC
This is the secret of "Qualification." Do it as soon as you see her starting to become attracted. People value what they have to work for. And beautiful women usually go for high-value men - men who have their choice of women. By screening her, by making her work, by finding out more about her than that she's beautiful before showing too much interest, you are telling her that you are a high-value man. Like attraction, qualification is easy in theory (screen her, and make her work for it) but there are a lot of specific tools you can use to get there. For attraction, they're things like Takeaways, Handling Tests, Humor, Role-plays, Teasing, and so on. For qualification, it's about Small and Large Hoops, Yes Ladders, Creating and Releasing Tension, etc. If you don't use any qualification now, here's a basic experiment to get started: Write down at least 5 specific things you're looking for in a woman. Every time you're talking to a woman you like, find out if she has these things. Qualification is such an important subject we covered it twice in the interview series:
And to quickly catch up on where and how qualification fits into the whole pickup, download the special (and free) report on the Love Systems Triad.
There's a really silly joke I used to do when I was a kid. When I'd catch an unsuspecting adult down in the kitchen, I'd sometimes go downstairs, turn on the bright kitchen lights, and pretend to be looking for something on the floor. They'd ask me what I was looking for and I'd tell them I'd lost my glasses in my bedroom. "Well, why aren't you looking for them in your bedroom," they'd ask. "Because the light is better down here." And because I was a little kid, the adults had to at least pretend to laugh. But, adults do the same sort of thing.
A recent individualized training client told me he was looking for a woman with a career, a healthy lifestyle, and an interest in classical music and the art scene. Good enough so far. But where does he meet women? Always at big dance clubs only. Why's that? Because there are lots of women there and it's easier for him. In other words, the light is better down here. There's nothing wrong with dance clubs. Bars and clubs are great places to practice, and most women will go there at least once in a while. But, when your game is going well and you know exactly what you want, it's time to go find her. That's when it's time to focus on the best way to intersect with her life, whether it's through Day Game or Social Circles or just a change of neighborhood. Don't just go where the lights are brightest...
"The advice and feedback I received after my bootcamp from my field reports and questions on the Love Systems Lounge helped me so much. I don't know if I would have met my wife otherwise." - O. R., London, UK
You can't manage what you can't measure. Keep a Love Systems journal so you can learn from your experiences, see patterns, and chart your progress. A couple of tips here:
It's easy to get frustrated. A journal will let you see how far you've come. It may sound hokey, but, trust me, it works.
Our company wasn't always called Love Systems (back when we first released The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed). I co-founded it several years ago and ran it from the beginning. It had a good run for a while. At the time, it provided the best pickup and dating advice for men. But, that was years and years ago. Times have changed. Women are used to old-generation techniques. Dating science has changed.
What we are today is so much better and more advanced than what guys were doing years ago. Even technology has changed. For example, phone and text game is infinitely more important than it was five years ago. Just the other day, Braddock and I were trading notes about using text messages (SMS) in picking up. I told him about my new technique of gathering a bunch of phone numbers and building attraction early in the night and then texting everyone around 1am with "Where are you?" or "We're doing shots, come to the bar." This usually leads to same-night fun.
Then Braddock told me how he is actually texting women during the initial conversation. He'll get a woman's number and then a few minutes later, when he's still talking to her, text her something like "Hey, this cute girl keeps hitting on me; what should I do?" It starts the flirty text conversation from the original conversation, which sure as heck beats the "cold" phone call the next day. (Speaking of Braddock, his exciting Phone and Text Game book is the best product on the market for all of your phone and text game needs!)
This is all new, powerful stuff. But, widespread texting didn't even EXIST when the old-school stuff like The Game came out. You wouldn't go out in 2003 clothes and a 2003 haircut talking about whether you liked The Matrix Reloaded, would you? Don't use 2003 game either. It's 2010. Now, I don't want you to go nuts reading every blog, every post on the Forums, and so on. Remember Resolution #1 - go out and practice. But, set up a couple of ways to stay current and eliminate the rest. Unsubscribe to any self-improvement mailing lists that are not providing quality "news you can use" information every week... I promise this will make a big difference. Follow a couple of blogs, check into the Lounge or The Attraction Forums at least once a week, or, better still, subscribe to the interview series. Remember - news you can use only. Eliminate clutter.
TV and computers often fit into all four categories. If that's how you relax, fine, but give yourself a daily or weekly limit and stick to it. I'd much rather you have a 3-hour dinner with a friend than spend an unnecessary hour in front of your computer.
I confess - I'm not great at this. Like, I hate asking people for directions. It drives my girlfriends nuts. I end up wasting a lot of time or eventually have to give up and ask for directions. Usually both.
Women don't tend to understand this nonsense. Women will ask for directions, and more. They share experiences, ask for advice, and don't reinvent the wheel. This gives women a huge advantage socially over most men. Don't blame women for being smarter than us about this. Learn from them.
Now, I'm not saying you should be all touchy-feely and be "sharing your feelings" with your guy friends (I wrote a blog rant about this once). That's not really how most male friendships work. One of the largest websites for men's fitness, body building, and self-improvement was looking at exactly this issue around this time last year. And, they used Love Systems as an example:
The Science of Getting LaidThey have stupid pseudonyms like Cajun, Sheriff, Samurai, and The Don, but it's better than what they used to be called: geek, nerd, jackass, and douche bag. They dress well but aren't necessarily good looking. Some are skinny with patchy facial hair. Others are slightly overweight. A few are just plain fucking ugly. But they're nothing out of the ordinary. They look like ... guys. If you were at a bar hanging out and they walked in you probably wouldn't even notice them. That's okay with them. You're not their type. You'd probably laugh with your friends as you watch one of them approach a group of gorgeous girls. But your laughter may turn to disbelief when you see the girls offer phone numbers. Disbelief might turn to shock as you watch a master pick-up artist walk out with the hottest one on his arm. And shock may turn to awe when you see him do it over and over again with different groups of sexy women. Pick-up artists leave with Playboy centerfolds, porn actresses, models, and perfect 10s. You leave with your best friend Steve. But don't worry; they used to be just like you. Probably worse. And you can learn how to pick up chicks, too. That is, if you're man enough to ask for help... (Original article continued here)
So, that's it. Nothing in here should be overly hard or unrealistic. There's nothing in here about going to the gym every day, taking an improv class, or losing 30lbs. Those things will all help, but aren't necessary. These are your New Year's resolutions. They are achievable. Print them out (this is important) and look at them every day. Let's make 2010 the year you reach your goals.