April 15, 2012


Rules for "Friends with Benefits"

Do you want to have regular sex with attractive women - without commitment? It's really about being good at three things:

  1. Meeting and attracting beautiful women
  2. Setting expectations
  3. Being good in bed

There's no way we can cover any of those in depth in one article, so use this as a troubleshooting guide to see where you can improve. I'll include lots of links. Let's get started!


Obviously, you need to meet and attract women.

It doesn't matter if you meet her at a bar, coffee shop, or through friends, you need to create attraction.

But it's not just any kind of attraction. If she sees you as a potential boyfriend, she might hold off with you to keep you interested - even if she's having sex with someone else. (Put it this way. Most young attractive women are having sex with someone. If it's not you, who?)

The kind of attraction you want will come from:

  • Teasing: Raises her energy and buying temperature
  • Role-Plays: Great for sexualizing the conversation without being sleazy
  • Rock-solid Presence: Different women look for different things in a boyfriend. But for a friend with benefits, they want the alpha male.

...and most of all: 

  • Strong Body Language and Physical Escalation: Most women want to be seduced, not propositioned. Your body language, the rhythm of your voice, and how you touch her (appropriately, in public) are crucial for her to be sexually attracted to you. (If this is an area you can improve, take a minute to check this out - it's guaranteed to TURBOCHARGE your PHYSICAL ESCALATION/KINO, your BODY LANGUAGE, and your NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION: Beyond Words - The Art of Body Language and Physical Escalation)


Set her expectations. Like I said in my relationship management DVD course, "relationship management begins before you sleep with her."

The course covers getting a long-term girlfriend, multiple simultaneous girlfriends, friends with benefits, and one-night stands, but setting expectations is especially important if you want a friend with benefits.

There is a right way and a wrong way to do this.

The wrong way is to be blatant. If you tell a woman, "Hey, I just want to be clear, this is just sex; I don't want you to get the wrong idea," you may lose her even if she originally wanted the exact same thing as you. She may feel devalued, like you're just using her or you don't think she’d be good enough to date.

One of the top dating coaches in the world by the name of Braddock solved this problem by introducing a false barrier when things get hot and heavy. He'll say something like, "Wait... are you going to be the 'what are we?' girl after this? [quick pause] Oh my God, you are, aren't you?" She'll rush to object that she's cool and not a drama queen, etc. Without making her feel awkward, you've set expectations.

But some women still will be crazy - check out What Crazy Looks Like Via Text Messaging.


Be Good in Bed. It's sort of an obvious one, and this isn’t a sex tips newsletter. But if you are looking for proven help in that area, check out Ascension - created by people who make women go wild with pleasure for a living (adult film performers).

There's a special deal for the Love Systems community, and we've also added some exclusive Love Systems content:


A few simple things that can also help. These aren't as big factors as the three we just covered, but every advantage helps:

  1. Don't see her more than once a week; if you do, she's likely to develop expectations no matter what she says.
  2. A "What are you doing?" text message after about 11pm is the internationally recognized signal for a booty call. If she answers, follow up with "let's hang out."
  3. Don't confuse her expectations by doing "boyfriend things" like taking her to dinner and the movies or calling her randomly to talk about your day. Going out for drinks with her (as long as it ends in something) is totally okay.
  4. This is all covered on the Beyond Words DVDs, but while you're waiting for them to arrive, know that you will be 10x as sexually attractive just by doing the basics: talk slowly, hold eye contact, make slow, deliberate movements, keep shoulders back and chin up, use your chest voice, etc. (For the physical escalation/kino stuff you really need to see the video demonstrations; I can't do justice to them here.)
  5. Keep your darn mouth shut. The world is often a lot smaller than it seems. I've had a "10" runway model turn me down because she heard that I had a threesome with her friend. Braddock solved this problem with "waterfall theory" but you’re still better off preventing it from coming up in the first place.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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