Women are pre-programmed to want alpha males. They are the guys who will provide for a woman, protect her, and take care of what needs to be done. Becoming a true alpha male can be a difficult journey; your outward actions won't get you there. Walking over other guys won't either. Genuine alpha qualities come from a positive feeling of self worth - everything else just follows.
People often picture the 'alpha male' as the dominant man in any group, the charismatic, loud, verbose guy who beats down other men around him. Others might define him with a different term: asshole.
While alpha characteristics are appealing to women, constantly fighting to dominate every social situation is neither practical, desirable nor necessary. For example, if you worked in an accounting firm and tried to dominate a meeting with your boss you'd soon be out of a job. The alpha male does not try to 'out-alpha' everyone but he is considered among the 'leadership of men' in every group.
He does not need to beat other men in any case. Why? Because, he is totally self-validated. He is happy with himself and his actions, and that's all that counts. Winning at the cost of someone else does not make him feel like more of man. He knows he already is one.
To get to this level you have to learn to kill your addiction to approval from others. It's okay to like praise, but it's not okay to need it to be happy. This is easier said than done but achieving it will set you free to be your own man without fear of what others think or say. If you are happy with your actions, that will be all that counts.
One exercise you can do to get better at this is to deliberately hold back from telling people a piece of news about something good that you did. Challenge yourself to keep it under wraps for a couple of days. Beat your need for others to congratulate you on it.
Learning to love yourself is not an exercise in conceit, and it can't be learned in a phrase or sentence. It is a project, a journey and a skill that requires dedication. Choose the man you want to be and the things you want to do. Look for help wherever you can to achieve them. Books, mentors and role models will guide you... but the leg-work is still your responsibility.
Be selective in who you aim to become. If you love King Leonidas from the film 300 then think about emulating his fearlessness, his sense of purpose, and his honor. Don't copy everything (you don't need to become a man who takes on fist-fights when hopelessly outnumbered). Self-help books can also encourage extremes that may not be for you. Often you have to steer a middle path.
Once you can let go of what other people think, your emotions will become more stable. You will become the rock that women are looking for to counter-balance their own emotional ups and downs. Couple this with a strong identity and high standards, and practice being non-reactive to complete your alpha male transformation.
If you can achieve these things while avoiding going to extremes, the alpha-you will begin to emerge. Others will feel it. You will feel it. Don't act alpha, become alpha.
For more in-depth information listen to our Interview Series edition on How To Be An Alpha Male with Braddock, Samurai and Sheriff.
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