April 22, 2008


How to Date a Friend - A Guide To Your Social Circle

By Dahunter

I’m in Los Angeles right now, yet again, the time is 5:30 am and I can’t stop thinking right now.  My mind is racing with so much information.  This has been the most valuable information I’ve received since I took the Breakthrough Comfort seminar with Sinn and Future back in Chicago.

This time, however, the information was given to me by a dude that came completely under the radar after the first impression.  So I walk into the seminar room, and I see Sheriff who I already knew and I see this short Asian dude who does not look like a Love Systems instructor at all (again, this is first impression): this dude is known as Samurai.

Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends And Influence Other People has helped me make more genuine connections with people in non-pickup scenarios and make more friends overall.  This also comes from observing guys like Braddock who have an extraordinary ability to vibe with everyone from the old lady crossing the street to the neighbor’s dog.

My pickup skills are amazing, but my skills when dealing with other people were just “objective based.”   I wasn’t enjoying the process of vibing with people.  I saw these interactions as something I have to get out of the way but never as something that can be hugely beneficial to impact my life.

So I started changing the basic concepts of my everyday interactions.  The first change was to be interested in other people (and by this I mean other people that aren’t the women I’m trying to sleep with).  I really wanted to understand other individuals so I can see them as they see themselves and I can learn from them by seeing what their strongest points are and modeling them.  Also, by being genuinely interested in them you really can develop a solid friendship with them.

I did this because I want to be surrounded by cool people. Cool people tend to stay around you if you offer value to their lives and you see them as they see themselves.  You must take the time to understand them instead of imposing your own ego.

People are usually more invested in their own interests than whatever you are interested in, so if you focus on them, not only will people find it easier to relate to you, but you can also usually learn a thing or two from them.

This is what led me to being curious about Samurai's skills.  Without these principles I would have just heard him talk about their promotion company in the UK and I would have dismissed it by trying to tell them how cool the nightlife in Chicago is and how awesome my game is, but instead I became curious about this and I decided to find out more.  Turns out Samurai and Sheriff are both using some very powerful principles on both their company and the way they run their social circle game.

First, let me try to explain what they are doing.  They don’t run a simple club promotion company in the UK; what they basically do is they get paid to bring lots of women to the clubs, and the women in return get VIP treatment and free alcohol, so it involves a lot of work but it gives them huge status in these clubs as they usually roll in numbers of forty women and only a handful of guys, who have to be cool guys.

Because of this they automatically develop a reputation and they become like gods in the clubs they go to; they have women wanting them just because of who they are so they can skip attraction since they get it right off the bat.  I imagine it’s very similar to the effect I get whenever I throw a party at my apartment. Getting laid is so easy: it’s just all about picking who you’re sleeping with.

However, in order to build this company, a good social circle game was required, and after lots of conversations here with him, I’ve been able to get this information from Samurai so I know how he runs his social circle game.

First of all, there’s a very important term he uses that I’ve never heard anyone else use.  He calls certain people “connectors.”  A connector, as he describes it, is a person that always has lots of people with him, and has the ability to introduce you to many other people.  That person is not a social “dead end.”  This is the person that you invite to a party, and you know he or she is going to show up to your party and also bring a bunch of people so you can network with them as well.

Any given person will have around forty acquaintances and friends, and of those forty people, depending on the free amount of time that person has, will have around six to eight “main friends” that are his core social group.  Out of these six to eight main friends, since you are always going to have six to eight of them, if one of them comes into your “main friends” circle, you will naturally tend to replace them with an old friend in this circle.

The key to build up your social circle is to make all of your six to eight main friends connectors.  He says that he is pretty brutal about this; if anyone is not a connector, then he simply does not have time to make him or her a critical part of his life.

There are lots of people out there who aren’t positive people.  One of the big points Samurai looks for in people is that they have a positive outlook on life.  Just as important is the direction where you are going.  You will naturally tend to gravitate to people that are going in the same direction as you.  I look at this and look at my friends, and it seems that we want the same thing: to make lots of money and have hot women.  You will naturally feel in place if your friends want the same things as you do so it’s important to screen for direction so there’s a feeling of “progression” that is more powerful if you and all of your friends are doing it.

The key to adding social value is involving other people in your activities.  If you come to a friend’s party, then you make sure you have several of your other cool friends with you.  It’s very key that you are perceived as always having things to do so people are calling you all the time; a good strategy he mentions is grabbing a club promoter and becoming really good friends with him or her, and inviting people to their events.  You’re adding value to the promoter by bringing people to his events and you also add value to your friends by showing them where the party is.

The way Samurai sees it, there is a big difference in types of clubs; there are “value clubs” and there are “meat markets.”  High value clubs are usually where the hottest women hang out, and as I see it are the places pickup artists hate.  The difference is that in the community there needs to be a switch of focus of “meat market” gratification to social value-building structures so we can all get with the hottest women much easier.  A place where a master pickup artist needs to be is at the top social circles in his city.

There’s a general attitude that you have to have which is that you can meet a connector at any time, and you can be friends with anyone. Samurai just seduced a Playboy model!  Probably the most painful lesson I have ever learned as I was going to approach her and I pushed him to do it instead, and it turns out to be a super-intelligent and cool Playboy model with the hookup for the Playboy mansion.  I’m usually not the one to be jealous.

I am glad he did it though as his “value display” game is really tight so when we were at her hotel room I picked up a few key details about how to deal with women really showing off their attractive qualities like how they hang out with Jay Z., etc.  My point is though, a simple-minded community guy would think about just having sex with her, but the real art is turning her into a connector, so the attitude he has is like “I don’t just want to sleep with her, I want to introduce you to her so whenever you’re here in LA you can get into the Playboy mansion and hang out with her friends.”  That pretty much sums up a very big shift in game, where instead of going for the quick fix, you go for the huge long term benefit of having high value people as your friends.

Be a connector yourself.

I’m giving this to Samurai to read in case he wants to add something to my article:

Hi guys,

Dahunter wanted me to talk briefly about my social circle game.

In my view, the highest levels of game are improvements to one’s life – or living a seductive lifestyle.  The process is roughly: (1) You improve your ability with women, (2) you improve your life as a whole which enhances your ability with women.  (1) and (2) should happen simultaneously.  A big part of achieving (2) is having a solid social circle.  Don’t get me wrong, I love cold approach (as Dahunter said, I picked up a big name Playboy Playmate yesterday through a cold street approach), but the real money – the way I’ve consistently had the highest quality women as part of my life, and more importantly, made overall improvements to my life, is through improving my social circle.

I run a form of social circle game on steroids.

There are two main types of people: leechers and connectors.  A leecher is someone who adds no value to your life and generally brings you down – usually through things like negativity, inability to progress, disinterest in evolving as a person, etc.  A ‘connector’ is someone who brings value into your life.  The connector brings attractive elements into your life.  One of my connectors is an actor who is well-connected in certain acting social circles – I go to see his shows regularly with other friends (and other connectors).  Another is an incredible (and soon to be famous) magician who is integrated in London’s ‘Magic Circle.’  They both add value to my life.  They both show off my higher value – and I don’t have to do any work or show congruence.

The second (and equivalently crucial) point about connectors is that these guys are fun, interesting, and positive people that bring value and forward momentum to your life.  They have their own interests, but are motivated together in the common goal to improve their lives or achieve a specific goal which aligns them well with you.  Hanging around these people motivates me to excel – in pick up - but more importantly as a person.

You have room in your life for probably eight core friends.  The objective should be to make them all connectors.

You invest time into developing relationships with connectors.  You get along with these people (‘vibe’ as Dahunter says).  They bring value to your life and you also offer some sort of value to theirs.  The objective should be for you to put your connectors together and be the center of a wider network of social circles.  Being in the center opens opportunities and connections that were previously not available to you.  In particular, I put the magician in touch with the actor (they are now doing a joint DVD), and the promoter in touch with the TV guy (their contacts have mutual benefits to one another).

The central point is this: bring value to people’s lives and they will bring value to yours.  If your group of eight core friends don’t, then maybe you should seriously assess if whatever is keeping your time resources in the relationship is worth the opportunity cost – i.e. should you get new friends if your old friends are bringing you down?  This is a tough decision and a controversial one, but often necessary if you want to develop as a person.

There is a lot more to this.  I cover it all in the bootcamp and Dahunter has summarized it in his post above.  But the central points are to (a) have people who bring value your life (b) bring value to their lives (c) be a connector yourself and (d) help each other in accomplishing goals through the journey of life.

Okay, that’s enough from me for now.  I hope this has been useful to readers.

Game is good. Life is better.


Related Posts

Bill Quaintance
Bill Quaintance


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.