December 01, 2007


The Inner Game Of Fashion


The four qualities that lead to mating success in the animal kingdom (including humans) are:

  • Dominant
  • Attractive
  • Elite
  • Access to resources

Now would be a good time for you to figure out what's been stopping you from showing these qualities in the past. You can easily convey them with your clothing, if only you could stop the blockage inside you that says "I'm scared to wear that."

I've done quite a few makeovers in my live training, and it seems like most men have the same issues holding them back. It's not a lack of information; the information is out there and it's yours for the taking. Most guys just filter it out, thinking "Nah, that stuff's not for me." They limit themselves before even trying anything new. Let's take a look at some of the sources of that limited way of thinking.

When I look back on what I was wearing a few years ago, I can see that I was sabotaging all of my interactions with women. I wanted to date and sleep with lots of attractive women, but the way I was dressing was turning them off immediately and I just didn't realize it. There was an easy way to fix this - the answer was right in front of my face - but I just couldn't see it.

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I've spent the last thirteen years studying psychology and philosophy, so how was it that I could be so blind to something that now seems so obvious?

What I discovered was that like most men, I had layers and layers of self-delusion which prevented me from seeing what was really going on. After I finally figured it out and developed a great look, I started giving makeovers to other guys who were working on succeeding with women. I discovered that almost everyone has their own version of these same delusions.

This is "negative social programming." It's almost impossible to avoid picking up some of this from the world around you. It's imperative that you identify your negative social programming if you ever want to move past it.

Playing It Safe in the Schoolyard

The first obstacle that a man faces is the "play it safe" mentality that we all develop when growing up.

It's normal for children to make fun of each other and to compete for social dominance in school. That's how they establish a social hierarchy and learn lessons that will be valuable later in life. At times this competition can be very intense, and all of us have been on the losing end of it at one time or another.

The easiest way for a child to gain a social advantage over others is to make fun of something obvious, something different.

If you make fun of someone different, you can gain the respect and allegiance of the entire school, not just the kid you made fun of. There are massive social benefits if you can successfully taunt other children. As a result, the kids who are different always get teased the most. It could be that the target is of a different ethnicity, from a different social class, has a different way of talking, or that he just looks different.

All it takes to look different is a slightly unusual haircut, a slightly different way of dressing, etc. It doesn't take much. Think back to your grade school days. Was there a boy with long hair or a girl with short hair that got teased? Was there someone from another country or a kid who was a bit poorer than average?

In the adult world, these differences are accepted and even embraced. In the world of children, these differences are grounds for harassment. This harassment is the fuel that feeds social competition and establishes the social structure that will be enforced day in and day out for the entire school year.

Chances are that at some point in your life you were that kid who was different. The harassment we endure as children causes us to build up a tendency to play it safe, to blend in, to do anything we can to avoid looking different.

Even kids who are normal in every way observe the persecution of those who are different, and this causes them to build up this same "play it safe" tendency.

There's nothing wrong with this when you're a child or adolescent. It's a useful adaptation that allows you to go through life without being damaged and distracted by harassment. The problem is that many people carry this "play it safe" mentality into their adult life and it no longer serves a purpose. The rules have changed, and being different can be an advantage.

This "play it safe" mentality can cause limited belief in yourself and make you seem timid and immature.

The end result is that you have few choices in how you dress. You are unable to employ the best strategies, you are unable to utilize your creativity to the fullest, and you communicate a child-like fearfulness to the people around you.

IVS Vol. 15 On Taking Chances (Brad P. and Savoy)

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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