November 07, 2007


Get Rid of Excuses to Get Better With Women

By Rokker

One problem I see at every live workshop, almost every 1-on-1, and whenever I meet someone in the community, is that men are very good at coming up with excuses why not to improve their game. Huh? Don't they want to improve their game? Of course they do! It's just that they come up with excuses all the time why not to approach, why not to go out that night, why everything is stacked against them, why they'll never be good at game... and thus find excuses why not to improve their game. If you can stop making excuses and focus your attention towards what you want to achieve instead of finding reasons why you won't reach that goal, you are almost guaranteed success.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone

Yes, this can be painful sometimes. That's why game is a hard (and therefore also very rewarding) skill to learn, because you simply have to do it. Now here's where the excuses arise. We instinctively try to keep ourselves within our comfort zone, probably as an ingrained survival mechanism, and will find whatever reason we can to do so. Now the irony of it all is that the comfort zone you're in is probably a zone you desperately want to escape. You might feel terrible about your life because you have no women in it, but that's now your comfort zone and you are petrified to break out of it and do something that's out of that zone.

Now if we can push ourselves (even if it might sting a bit) and integrate being really social and talking to women constantly (or whatever else we want to bring into our lives) then that will eventually become part of our comfort zone and not a big deal anymore...

There's really only one way to break out of the shackles and expand your comfort zone, and that is to "kill the excuse generator" (concept name borrowed from Captain Jack).

Kill the excuse generator

So how do you kill the excuse generator? Well, first of all you must be aware that you will constantly try to trick yourself. The excuses come in all kinds of forms, and some are harder to spot than others. The classic excuses are "I'm not good-looking enough" or "I'm not rich enough." They are what I call "direct excuses" and of course we both know that they are very rarely valid, as we've witnessed both "not classically good-looking" and "not so rich" guys pick up hot chicks. I will list a couple of other excuses at the end of this article and then squash them, so you can identify them as excuses and not valid reasons if they ever pop up in your head.

Other excuses can be a bit trickier to spot, especially when you are using indirect reasons why not to game. These include "Too bad I can't go out and game today since I have to do the laundry" or "Oh, those women aren't hot enough; I don't feel like approaching when they aren't super hot."

Now take a minute and think about what's going on here. In the first "laundry case," is this really a good enough reason why not to go out or is it just an excuse not to push yourself out of your comfort zone? Every time you get a similar thought in your head, figure out if it's a legitimate reason or just a manifestation of your anxiety.

The "they are not hot enough" excuse is probably one of the most common excuses. Is it valid? Almost never. The only time it's valid is when you are surrounded by hotties and someone tells you to "approach that group" and you approach another group because its members are even hotter... well, then you are excused. In any other case, that "ugly" group will add to your experience and help build your social status if nothing else. Realize that this is just approach anxiety in a different form. [To read more about approach anxiety, see Chapter 5: Opening of Magic Bullets]

The best way to get rid of your excuse generator is to have set goals concerning what you want to accomplish with women, and every time you are halted by an excuse from approaching ask yourself: "Will this action take me closer to or further away from my goals?." (Thanks to Sinn for this.) The answer is almost always that the action will take you closer to your goals, and therefore you should do it.

Common excuses

Here's a run-down of some common excuses:

I'm not attractive enough.

Since we are guys, we tend to judge people by their looks (and think people judge us based on looks alone). How attractive you appear to women (without talking to them) is 80-90% determined by body language, grooming, and how you are dressed and not by your physique. After that you will be attractive when you talk. This excuse is never valid.

I'm not rich enough.

Day game is free. You can find night game venues that have no cover charge, and you don't have to spend a cent on the entire night. [To read more about Day Game, see Chapter 13: Day Game of Magic Bullets]

They aren't hot enough.

They will still add to your experience and social status. Approach.

I need a drink / to go to the bathroom / to wander around a bit before I approach.

No you don't! What you need is to get rid of your approach anxiety, and now is the best time to do it. Approach!

I'll never be good at game because X, Y or Z.

So you think you are the only one with problem X? Instead of quitting and feeling sorry for yourself (that won't lead you anywhere), change your state of mind into something constructive. "What can I do to get around problem X? How can I change this into something positive or at least something that doesn't interfere with my progress?" We all have our problems but the ones who get good develop this sort of thinking instead of feeling sorry for themselves or quitting.


Killing the excuse generator is one of the biggest steps you can take towards mastery. It will be hard at times, but ultimately very rewarding.

Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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