December 15, 2013


Can you date more than one woman at once?

It's OK to want to date more than one woman. (It's also OK not to). You might be checking out your options, or not ready for a relationship right now. Or maybe even in the longer-term, you're comfortable having more than one woman in your life.

It is possible. Without lying or sneaking around. And it's not even that hard, if you really know what to do.

FOCUS #1: Set expectations early

To date multiple women, you have to understand female psychology. If you treat something like a big deal, she's likely to think it's a big deal. If you act like something is normal, she's likely to think it's normal.

This isn't just about dating multiple women - it applies to anything you do. For example, you'll have a lot more success when approaching women if you do so like talking to a stranger is the most natural thing in the world than if you approach her sputtering "Excuse me. I know it's really weird for me to come talk to you out of the blue, and I won't take up too much of your time, but I wanted to ask you something…"

So, how do you tell a woman that you want to date multiple women, in a way that communicates that this is totally normal?

There are a few possibilities, and I cover them all in my Relationship Management 3-DVD course (which is about everything from traditional relationships to friends with benefits, though of course a lot of it is on dating multiple women). But since we have one article to work with her instead of 3 DVDs, let's pick just one: put this information in a story you tell about something that happened in the past.

For example, let's say you were talking about awkward moments or first date stories:

A couple years ago, I went on a first date with this woman, and I guess I didn't really know a lot about her. I had a girlfriend at the time but we were in an open relationship and my girlfriend didn't really share my love for comedy shows. So I ended up taking this other girl, but I didn't remember the name of the show until we got there, and as soon as we sit down, she realizes that her ex-boyfriend that she'd just broken up with is headlining the show. And of course he sees us, and tells lots of jokes about his dating life. She was super cool about it, but I felt sooo bad. I think we went for the nicest dinner ever afterwards.

Don't repeat this word-for-word - adapt it to your life. But look at how it's put together - this is a powerful tool at your disposal if you understand how to use it:

  1. The story contains the crucial piece of information - in this case: "we were in an open relationship." I say this as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
  2. The story is one that stands on its own without that crucial piece of information. If you take out the whole second sentence of the story, it still works.

You can use those two principles together to convey anything, e.g., that you hate it when someone takes hours to get ready, that you love having sex three times a day, that you hate surprise parties. It's best used for subjects that might be awkward to bring up or where you want her to have space to think about them before reacting. You'll find yourself using this over and over again in Love Systems.

(And by the way, this doesn't have to be about open relationships. You could just as easily replace that sentence with one about seeing other people but not being committed.)

Once you plant the seed, that's all you have to do - until SHE brings it up again. Or, what we call "having the talk".

FOCUS #2: Be the man she's good with being non-exclusive with

This isn't about getting away with something, or getting one over on women. You can only date multiple women if you're meeting each woman's needs.

Some women won't want to date you if you're not willing to be exclusive. That's fine. You're not going to be perfect for every woman out there. And some women prefer not to be exclusive themselves - you don't have to convince them.

And then there are a lot of women that will enjoy dating you, without exclusivity, if you're giving them what they need. That's who this section is about. But you actually need to raise your game if you're in a multiple relationship scenario than a traditional one.

In an exclusive relationship, people cut each other more slack because they expect the good times to be mixed with some down times as part of the rhythm of a long-term relationship. For example, a Friday night in sweatpants ordering takeout isn't a big deal when you're going to spend the next 1000 Fridays together.

In a non-committed relationship, you need to make her feel special every time you see her. If you're not amazing on dates, learn how. Don't mention other women when you're with her - let her be in your own special bubble that the two of you share.

She's also going to be much more open to this sort of relationship if you are someone who is happy, outgoing, and social. These qualities are good ones to have anyway, and in this situation, it "fits" a lot better that a guy who is always meeting new people, going to different social events etc., might date multiple women than a guy who comes home every day from work and watches TV.

Also - if you see her more than once a week in this situation, you risk her thinking that the relationship has "evolved". It's not a hard-and-fast rule, but once-per-week is a great guideline that has worked well for me for years.


If you can date one woman, you can date two. If you can date two women, you can date them at the same time. Not every woman will be into it, or into it for the long term, but if it's something you want, you can have it. You just need to know what to do. Some of the tips in this article should get you started, though I very much recommend watching the Relationship Management 3-DVD course so you really know what you're doing. Screwing up an approach is no big deal - you lose 15 seconds. Screwing up a relationship or potential relationship could lose your weeks or months of investment, plus potentially years of happiness.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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