January 25, 2010


Instant Dates

By Jeremy Soul

Most people will tell you that when you’re approaching women during the day (Day Game), you should work for an instant date. An instant date is where you go for a coffee or some kind of mini-date with a woman immediately after having met her.

This is because instant dates supposedly let you move quicker, build comfort, and reduce flakiness. In fact, if you haven’t read my original Day Walking article then that’s a great start.

I used to think this as well. But, it’s wrong. Even if you first meet her during the day, you should make the “date” at night.

Chances are that an instant date during the day won’t get physical. Part of this is logistics: she is probably in the middle of errands, on her break from work, or in between meetings. You may well be busy too. For most people, the evening is when they have the majority of their downtime, and it’s more likely she’ll be able to spend a couple of hours on a date or getting intimate with you then.

Then there’s the psychology of sex. Most people associate nightfall with intimacy. Therefore, if you want to spend time with a woman with the possibility of sleeping with her, you should arrange for that time to be in the evening. Check out the Female Psychology interview recorded by me and Savoy for some in-depth detail.

The final factor is that women like the element of mystery, the feeling of not knowing exactly what is going to happen. If you spend a couple of hours with a woman in the afternoon taking a long walk through the park or chatting over coffee, a lot of that mystery is gone.

Suddenly, she knows a lot about you and you’ve become that “really interesting guy she spent an afternoon chatting with” instead of the guy she met up with in the evening and went home with.

Of course, there are always going to be exceptions. It certainly is possible to meet a woman in the middle of the afternoon and take her home before nightfall. It’s also possible to go on instant dates that last until nightfall and then take her home. But, these are exceptions rather than the rule. Logistics are another factor that can get in the way, but have a listen to this interview with Johnny Wolf and me for some great tips on how to get past challenges and take her home.

In most cases, your best bet for securing a solid date and for not wasting your time is to spend five minutes building a connection based on Attraction and Qualification (see the Love Systems Triad if you don’t know what these are), then set up a date for that evening or an evening sometime soon.

While I’m not suggesting instant dates should never be tried, there shouldn’t be too much expectation that this method is always going to work. They’re certainly good for showing you what’s possible - that you can go on a random date with a woman you’ve just met in the middle of the day. But, instant dates should be a feather in your cap rather than the arrows in your quiver.

These ideas have come from my continued experimentation, which is really important in developing any skill. So, I invite you to experiment; if you have never tried instant dates, try going on a few, and if you usually do a lot of them, try avoiding them completely. See what happens.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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