Savoy is the President and creator of Love Systems. Love Systems teaches the science of dating and social dynamics through educational seminars, as well as a broad range of materials that include books, CD's, DVD's, etc. Savoy is also the author of Magic Bullets and co-authored the "Love Systems Routines Manual," a collection of the best tried-and-tested scripts used by pick-up artists in their in-field experiences with women.
Before creating Love Systems in 2006, Savoy worked with Mystery and is the joint copyright owner of the book The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed. While serving as a consultant on the VH1 show "The Pickup Artist," Savoy worked to bring dating science to mainstream America. Savoy also appears in Neil Strauss' best-selling book "The Game," and operates the world's largest free pickup and dating forum for men - The Attraction Forum.
What do you think the biggest mistake most men make with women is?
I think most men try to be too nice. There is nothing wrong with being nice. The world would be a better place if people were nicer to each other, but there is a difference between being nice and trying to trade being nice for a woman's affection. A lot of women just find that to be weak or manipulative when guys approach them or befriend them under the guise of, "Hey, let's be friends and I can do this or that for you" and then they try to turn that into something romantic or sexual later.
Now, the flip side of that, I suppose would be: why do a lot of women fall for jerks?
One of the things we've done at Love Systems is break down the things that women are attracted to and there are 8 different attraction switches. Even if you don't know anything about a woman, you can take a fairly good guess at what she's going to want. Being a jerk actually isn't one of (the attraction switches). Women aren't interested in jerks per se, but women are interested in alpha males. Women are interested in men that are confident, that are a challenge, that can command social status, that have some amount of power. A lot of these characteristics get associated with being a jerk, but those are primarily associations made by frustrated, weak men.
If you're a nice guy and you're trying to suck up to this woman and do all of these favors for her and put her on a pedestal and some other guy just treats her like a normal person, that's going to look like he's being a jerk. But, he's actually just confident in his own reality.
The universal advice women usually give to guys about dating is just "be yourself." Is that good advice, bad advice -- what do you think?
It comes from a good place, but it's bad advice because what women mean by it and what men understand by it are two different things. Look, if being yourself worked, why would you be asking for advice in the first place? Being yourself is more or less what guys have been doing, which is why they are asking for advice.
I would say "Be your best self." ...When a woman says, "be yourself," she's saying, "Don't put on this giant act. Don't pretend to be something you're not or have something you don't." But, it doesn't mean you should shuffle up to some girl and say, "Hey, I'm really shy, but I'd really like to meet you because you're so beautiful..." Not that side of yourself. We want the side of yourself that presents you in the best possible way in the most interesting, challenging, and confident and attractive way you can be.
What misconceptions do most men have about women?
I think a lot of men just don't understand women very well and find it much easier to lump women into different stereotypes. It seems very difficult for a lot of men to think of women as something other than princesses or whores. So either she is on a pedestal and is perfect in every way and doesn't even have bodily functions or she is a little tramp and a slut. A lot of men have difficulty dealing with the complexity of women...
Let's reverse that question: what misconceptions do most women have about men?
We're also unique among dating coaches in that we work with women. ...It's more interesting in some ways and more challenging in others. Look, let's be honest here: men are more superficial than women when it comes to looks -- and women are more superficial than men when it comes to social status.
...I can help women run relationships, I can help a woman get some guy who is already kind of interested in her, but if she says, "I don't get approached that much," unfortunately it's either an issue where she needs to get out there where she can get approached or it's hair, exercise, diet, and make-up -- and I'm certainly not an expert on any of those.
...But, retreating back to your original question. It's kind of the same thing in reverse. Men look at women through the angle of their own experiences, their own psychology. So men will expect women to be a little bit more logical and strategic, to be interested in the same sort of things they are and communicate in the same way.
...The specific implications of that is usually that if you are a woman and you are wondering what a guy meant by something he did or said, usually it's the simplest explanation. Women tend to over-complicate men. Women, as a general rule, tend to assume what a guy is doing is related to her, his feelings about her, or his intentions to her more than it actually is. You know...I am going out with my buddies tonight because I want to see my buddies, not so that I can rub it in my girlfriend's face that I can have a good time without her. It's that kind of thing.
What are women looking for from a guy in general?
That gets back to the eight attraction switches. I can go through those if you want.
The first three are your attributes. These are things that you are.
Health is one of them. Not all women are looking for Olympic athletes, but women are not attracted to the guy who walks up blowing his nose and complaining about his open sores...
Number two is social intuition. Women like to be with men who can handle themselves in social situations...
Number three is humor....most women are looking for a man who can make them laugh sometimes.
There are two things you can have. These are status and wealth. You may look at this and say, "I'm not a movie star and I am not rich, so how can I have status and wealth?" Well, indicators of status and wealth are important. Status doesn't mean you are on the front pages of the newspapers. Status can be relative in an environment. I mean if you walk into a nightclub and you bypass the line, shake hands with the bouncer, the owner comes out to say "hi" to you, and you're ushered into your table in the VP section, that's status in that environment. Women will pick up on that....It doesn't have to mean anything though. The night manager at Denny's has status compared to the waitresses that work there.
The three others are where it gets interesting because these are the outcomes and the process works in reverse. If somebody has these five things that we've covered, there are certain things that are also likely to be true about him. For example, other women should be interested in him, he should be a challenge...and finally, he should be confident.
Now, the way this works is that it works in reverse because women are used to guys peddling their stories or making a great first impression, but that may not exactly be who they are. That's why...women are always trying to see if stuff fits because even if they don't know this consciously, they know subconsciously that some guys are good and can confuse them. So, women tend to look for men who confident, challenging, and preselected (by other women) first.
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