1) Ask yourself, “Is she really is worth the effort?”
If you get her back, are you sure you’re going to want her? Or are your feelings just the result of wanting what you can’t have? The first step, which is the most important, is to make sure you’re not seeking her to just serve your competitive urges.
2) Do you think your ex is “as good as you’re going to get?”
If you think she’s the best you can do, you’re unlikely to keep her even If you get her back. The fact is your inner confidence (or inner game) is one of the keys to keeping her, so make sure you don’t seem desperate because it will show.
Thinking about improving your inner game? Check out the Love Systems seminar on inner game: http://www.lovesystems.com/inner-game
3) Minimize contact for a few months before reconnecting
Create some distance before you even think about getting back together. As an ex-boyfriend, no matter where you go, if your ex is present it will look or feel like you’re stalking her or wanting her attention. Even if it’s completely illogical, she’ll begin to smell desperation since she’s thinking mostly on the emotional level.
4) If you’re in her social circle of friends...
Don’t go out of your way to avoid her, but minimize your time together. You don’t want to seem like you’re changing your social life just to avoid her, but be careful not to be everywhere she happens to be (this goes back to step 3).
Try not to talk about her within your social circle, and never be negative since it could seem like you’re not over her.
Don’t show off when you see her, especially early on. Although pre-selection (being attractive to other women) is one of the keys that attract all women, showing off the new fling early on might be a wasted attempt to make her think you’re the one that got away.
For more information on how to master your social circle, check out the Love Systems seminar on Social Circle Mastery: http://www.social-circle-mastery.com
5) Change for the better.
Before you try to get her back, something about you should change. Whether it’s a new job, or an exciting hobby, you need to start doing something interesting before reinitiating contact. Since women are attracted first and then figure out the “reasons” later, help her out by creating a change in you to attract her immediately.
6) Get better with women in general.
Even if you think she’s the “one,” make sure you’ve improved your success with women before reinitiating. You should meet, date, and approach more women in general, since you want to make sure you’re not missing the ex because you’re just lonely. Also, getting better with women will help you regain and keep the ex-girlfriend, especially if you had issues with conversation or seduction skills in the past.
If you want to truly get better with women, you can make a ton of progress by reading Magic Bullets, the defining work on women and dating: http://www.magicbulletsbook.com
7) Reinitiate Contact.
Once you’re confidentially attracting women as attractive (or better) than the ex, you’re ready to reinitiate contact. Make sure to follow the principles in “Magic Bullets” to make sure you build upon emotional AND physical attraction, avoiding the likelihood of her asking to “just be friends” because you missed a crucial step.
8) Don’t mess it up again.
Go into your initial contact in the “dating/undefined” category, where you treat each meeting like the second or third date. This will allow you to maintain a pressure free and less formal approach to getting back together.
If you messed it up once, don’t mess it up again, especially the same way.
For no nonsense advice on managing a relationship, check out the Love Systems relationship management DVD: http://www.relationshipdvd.com
Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems (and joint copyright holder of The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed), the ‘dating school for men’ that trains average men to succeed with beautiful women.