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The "Love Systems Triad" is finally explained. This is the underlying model which governs almost every stage of an interaction with a woman!
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Introduction to the Love Systems Triad
Most women - especially beautiful women who are used to a lot of attention from men - won't sleep with someone new unless at least three specific factors are present:
Now, it's not quite as easy as flipping a switch (or three switches). There is usually a bunch of intermediate steps on the way to her being emotionally, physically, and logistically ready to sleep with you. It's like driving a car. You don't usually go straight into fifth gear; you build momentum by accelerating through the gears in the right order until you're going full speed.
I'll give you a quick idea of how this all works, using the "the right kind of emotional connection" as an example.
Insight #1: The Four Key Emotions
One thing we learned from our hundreds of thousands of approaches is that women around the world generally want to feel four specific emotions before they say yes:
1. Feeling that your social value is equal to or greater than hers (Attraction).
Insight #2: The Magic Sequence
This one amazed us at first. Not only did we discover the four key emotions, but we learned that they're most effective when a woman feels them in exactly that order.
Therefore, we call this sequence of emotions the Emotional Progression Model, and each emotion is a "phase" in the Model.
Why does the order matter? Let's use my neighbor Joe as an example. Like many men who haven't studied Love Systems, when Joe meets a woman he is interested in, he starts looking for things they might have in common. Have you ever had a conversation like this?
Joe: Hi, I'm Joe.
Jennifer: I'm Jennifer.
Joe: Where are you from?
Jennifer: New York.
Joe: Oh cool. I love New York. You're just visiting here then?
Joe: What do you do?
Jennifer: I'm a nurse. Listen, it's been nice talking to you, but I have to go find
Why did Joe fail? The simple answer is he wasn't man enough to ask for help. Men ask each other for help on their taxes, golf swings, and cars, but most guys get all stubborn when it comes to getting help on something much more important - your romantic and sex life.
Fortunately, as a reader of this book, you won't have this problem. You will be able to surpass Joe and all of the other "Joes" of the world. Congratulations - you've already gotten past the biggest hurdle to lifelong success with beautiful women.
Joe's second mistake is that he got the emotional steps in the wrong order. He started off by asking Jennifer to share details of her life, so he could look for ways of relating his life to hers. In other words, he tried to build Comfort.
Unfortunately, beautiful women tend to get approached all the time by men asking these sorts of Comfort-questions. Jennifer has probably learned that these conversations usually end with some nervous guy asking her out, and an awkward situation when she's not interested. So she shut Joe down before the conversation could get there.
The problem is that Joe hasn't yet shown her that he is worth her time. Asking a woman about herself isn't wrong; it was just a bad idea to do that before he gave her a reason to invest in the conversation (which happens in the Attraction phase). If Joe were very good looking, that might have given her a reason, or if she had been feeling lonely or insecure, or whatever. But that's not what Love Systems is about. I want you to be able to succeed with secure and confident beautiful women, regardless of your looks.
Let the sequence be a guide, not a straightjacket. Think of it like you have three glasses, and you need to fill them all with water. These glasses represent your Attraction, Qualification, and Comfort levels with a specific woman. Fill them in that order, but remember that water, like emotions, can evaporate. A woman who felt attracted to you last week (or even an hour ago, at a busy and exciting nightclub) might not feel as attracted to you right now. This can happen during the same conversation, if you let her Attraction levels dissipate once you've on to Qualification and Comfort. In these situations, you have to ‘top up' the Attraction glass while in a later phase. This is part of what we mean when we talk about ‘calibration' later in this book.
Incidentally, this is why first phone calls and first dates should usually involve you "refreshing" her Attraction, Qualification, and Comfort levels before you break new ground.
In case you are wondering, you can't prepare for this "evaporation" by giving a woman "extra" Attraction, Qualification, or Comfort early on. In other words, you can't overfill a glass to save some for later. This is a common mistake when men first learn Love Systems Attraction techniques, and figure that more is better. It's not. Trying to attract a woman who is already attracted won't make her more into you; it's more likely to frustrate her and cause her to lose interest altogether.
Insight #3: Fast Track to Mastery
Our discovery that the phases of the Emotional Progression Model should be accomplished in a specific order had a surprising benefit, beyond bringing our ability to succeed with beautiful women to the next level. It made Love Systems much easier to learn and use, because it maps directly to how most men actually think and break down problems. It was almost like nature (or Cupid) had meant for us to discover this all along...
Unlike women, men are not natural multi-taskers. The male brain is best at accomplishing a series of logically connected steps, one a time, toward a goal. The Emotional Progression Model not only allows for this, it insists on it.
For example, once you're in a conversation with a woman, your main goal is to make her feel attracted to you. Once that's done, all you have to think about - emotionally - is making her feel that she's earned your attention for non-superficial reasons (i.e., Qualification). And so on.
(Yes, I know that "build Attraction/Qualification/Comfort with a beautiful woman" is easier than said than done, but we have the rest of the book to show you some of our techniques. Right now we're just introducing you to the overall system so you know what fits where.)
The step-by-step system also makes it easy to learn from your mistakes. You attracted her, but you lost her interest a little while later? Probably a problem with Qualification. Passed through Attraction, Qualification, and Comfort just fine but she said: "let's just be friends?" Probably a Seduction issue.
Now, it's not always as easy as "one thing at a time." You have to be thinking of all three dimensions: Emotional, Physical, and Logistical. This is one of the things that make the Love Systems Triad so effective (and original), but it does take a bit of practice. Fortunately, all three dimensions of the Triad work in similar ways. And since there is an incredible depth of Love Systems resources for each phase of each dimension, it's easy to get expert help on any phase you want to improve.
In a moment, we're going to get into all of the details of all three models. But don't just plow into this if you're new. The Love Systems Triad is an amazingly sophisticated tool, but it's important to walk before you try to run.
If you're new to the Love Systems Triad…
Start with the Emotional Progression Model only. Don't worry about anything else until you are able to consistently get to at least the Comfort phase. Don't distract yourself with other information that is not part of this goal. Trust me on this one - we've trained over ten thousand men and know what works. Let Confucius inspire you: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".
Use the Emotional Progression Model as your base, but keep in mind that you need to escalate physically and logistically as well. Without worrying about the specifics of the Physical or Logistical Progression Model, look for (and create) opportunities to do the following:
Unlock the full power of the Love Systems Triad, using all three models and being conscious of and looking for inter-relationships between them. Read on.
Let's explore the Emotional Progression Model in a bit more detail. Note that the point of this section is to get you up to speed so you can make the most of the routines in this book. The detailed guide to the Love Systems Triad and how to use it to its full potential is the focus of a large part of our cornerstone book, Magic Bullets.
The Four Key Emotions
|1. Feeling that a man's social value is equal to or greater than hers [Attraction]|
Every woman will perceive a man's social value differently. However, our research has shown that most women around the world respond to some of the same things. We call these "Attraction Switches." These are: health, social intuition, humor, wealth, status, confidence, pre-selection, and being a challenge.
A woman's social value is based on how desirable she feels that she is at that moment to men in general. To grossly oversimplify, many beautiful women like to sleep with men who are "better" than them. This causes a woman to feel attracted to you. We call the time when you're doing this the Attraction phase (or just "Attraction").
2. Feeling that she's earned his attention for non-superficial reasons [Qualification]
Most women like to feel that they have earned a man's attention and that he is interested in them for more than their looks. This is for two reasons. First, they know that high-value men can easily attract beautiful women. If being beautiful is enough by itself to get you interested, then she'll question whether you're really a high-value man (or she'll think you're a "player"). Second, people value what they have to work for.
3. Feeling comfort and connection with him [Comfort]
|Comfort is usually the longest phase in the Emotional Progression Model. It begins toward the end of the Qualification phase, when it's clear that both of you are interested in each other. It ends when you have established enough comfort and connection with her that she is comfortable being in a sexual situation with you. A sexual situation is one in which a woman is emotionally ready to engage in sexual behavior (touching that goes beyond kissing) in a place where sex could realistically happen.|
4. Feeling aroused by him without awkwardness or embarrassment [Seduction]
Seduction is based primarily on intensifying her willingness to have sex with you and mitigating her reasons not to. We separate the emotional process of seduction from the physical progress - the latter is called "Sexual Touch" and is part of the Physical Progression Model. We do this because the processes themselves are different.
Physically, you are trying to arouse her. Emotionally, you are trying to make her comfortable with being aroused by you.
These four emotions apply in virtually every situation - from a woman you bump into on the street to a blind date with your sister's best friend.
However, if you're meeting women through "cold approach" - i.e., you don't have any reason to know each other, but you approached her at a bar or coffee shop or wherever - then there are two phases that have to take place before she'd even be ready to be attracted to you. These are:
|1. Approaching: Starting a single-subject conversation|
|The Approaching phase starts when you first see a woman you're interested in meeting. It ends when you start a conversation with her - usually about a specific subject. We sometimes call the different ways of starting a conversation "openers" or "opening lines."|
2. Transitioning: Turning a single-subject approach into a normal, free-flowing conversation
To attract a woman, you should be in a conversation with her that can include a variety of topics and where you can express emotion. We call this "normal conversation." Since it's not always easy to go straight from the opener into normal conversation, we often use a Transition. The Transition introduces at least one new topic (by changing the subject) and refocuses the dynamic of your interaction. We often use "cold reads" for this, and there are great examples of cold reads in Chapter 4 of this book.
Key Tips to Remember:
Earlier versions of Love Systems featured only the breakthrough concepts of the Emotional Progression Model. The idea of a step-by-step model and a correct identification of the key emotional phases was revolutionary at the time, and one of the reasons why Love Systems is recognized today as the leading dating coaching group.
Still, like any simplification, it has its limits. And one of those is that - as I often explain at our live workshops - "you can't talk a woman into bed."
To be consistently successful with beautiful women, you should master the art of the "physical conversation." This ranges from subtle signals - like when one of you reaches out to touch the other to respond to a humorous comment or to emphasize a point - to the more obvious physical advances like putting your arm around her, putting her in your lap, kissing her, or more. We call it a "conversation" because her reactions to your moves, and your reactions to hers, are equally important and build on each other in sequence.
Another reason the physical conversation is so important is that a woman's body language will rarely lie, whereas what she says may be ambiguous or flirtatious without her being seriously interested. That's why we've evolved so many physical "tests" to gauge a woman's interest level, so you always know exactly where you stand and can plan your next move.
I remember a date I was on few years ago, before I discovered Love Systems. My friend set me up. She was a graduate student, intelligent, playful, and very attractive. We had a ton in common, from taste in books and music to a shared interest in history, astronomy and classic cult movies.
I thought our date went well, with lots of laughs and great conversation. But when I tried to kiss her at the end of the night, she pulled away. Now, women will rarely tell you why they reject you, because they don't want to feel mean or have awkward conversations, but in this case I happened to run into her a couple of years later, when I was deep into developing Love Systems. I asked her if she remembered our date - she did - and she told me that she'd been really interested in me at first, but toward the end of the night the "energy" was gone and she thought of me more as a friend. OK….but what did that actually mean?
In Love Systems terms, the lack of physical contact and physical progression over the course of the night slowly but surely dissipated her romantic/sexual feelings for me. She didn't even realize this was happening - women often don't know why they become attracted or un-attracted and their explanations are often just guesses or rationalizations of their behavior. But in this case her meaning was easy to interpret:
Emotional Progression without Physical Progression = Let's Just Be Friends
In more technical language, I'd tried to jump to the end of Romantic Touch when I hadn't even established Social Touch (we'll cover each of the phases of the Physical Progression Model in a moment). I hadn't built any momentum, and my sequencing error was the physical equivalent of Joe approaching a beautiful woman with Comfort before Attraction.
Before we dive into this, it's important to realize that "Physical progression" isn't groping or forcing yourself on women. Rather, you are copying the intuitive touching that many charismatic men do naturally.
For example, U.S. President Bill Clinton had an amazing ability to connect with people. The other day I was watching an old newscast, and saw him shaking hands with someone. I must have replayed it four times - there was so much going on. He shook hands with his right hand, and his left went to the other guy's elbow. Then he said a couple of words, laughed, and tapped him on the shoulder, all within a couple of seconds, and all completely natural looking, completely appropriate, and completely effective. People who have met him always talk about his "charm" and "magnetism" - and of course he has a reputation for being attractive to women, even before he was the President.
Many men who aren't naturally "touchy" come to Love Systems thinking that they couldn't "get away with" with normal physical progression. This is why I encourage guys to be the "creepy touchy guy" for a week or so. Sometimes you have to try to deliberately overshoot the mark to find out where the limits really are. You probably have much more freedom than you think.
With that in mind, let's take a look at each of the four phases of the Physical Progression Model.
|1. SOCIAL TOUCH|
Social Touch is the kind of touch that would be socially appropriate if the person you are touching is a complete stranger.
Generally, this kind of touch is on the elbow, shoulder, or hands. Common examples of social touch include:
If you're confused about whether something qualifies as social touch, ask yourself: would you touch a man this way? If not, it's not social touch.
With Social Touch, you should touch everyone in a group who is close to you and treat everyone equally. No special attention for women, let alone for the woman you are specifically interested in.
Some Social Touch opportunities will almost always be there. For example, touching someone's arm or shoulder will always be a possibility. Other opportunities need to be created. For example, the handshake routine (in the Love Systems Routines Manual, Volume I) and the "Golden Ratio" in this book are explicitly designed in part to give you an opportunity to create and intensify Social Touch. That's the point of physical progression routines - to give you built-in opportunities to escalate your touching.
You can and should initiate social touch as early as possible in an interaction, usually within 30 seconds. This is important for establishing momentum to move forward into the next phase of the Physical Progression Model: Friendly Touch.
This is really important. Compare two approaches. Say I approach a group of strangers, and as part of my initial conversation, I'm using Social Touch. A few minutes later, I playfully put my arm around the woman I'm interested in for a second (Friendly Touch). It's not really awkward or worth anyone noticing or commenting on. It feels natural, as escalating physical touch always should.
Now, say I hadn't done any touching at first. When I try the same arm-around-her move a few minutes into the conversation, people will notice. It will seem "different" and people will feel the shift. It's not "natural" at all.
(On a more advanced note, this "natural" feeling is one reason why we teach men at our live training workshops to always be talking at the times when they are escalating physically (or logistically) so that they're drawing attention away from the escalation.)
2. FRIENDLY TOUCH
Friendly Touch implies that you and the person you are touching are more than strangers. However, it doesn't necessarily imply romantic or sexual interest. For example:
Often, things that qualify as Friendly Touch could also be Romantic Touch, depending on the context and duration. For example, if I put my arm around a female friend for a few seconds when I run into her, that's Friendly Touch. If I'm sitting on the couch with a woman with my arm around her for a half hour, that's Romantic Touch.
Friendly touch is a crucial bridge between Social Touch (available to anyone) and Romantic Touch (available only to potential romantic connections). It's great for testing her interest in you - does she reciprocate? Pull away? Intensify the connection?
3. ROMANTIC TOUCH
Romantic touch is something that implies a connection beyond the "just friends" level. But don't assume anything. Until you've kissed her, she still has plausible deniability. She can be enjoying the feeling of Romantic Touch, enjoying the flirting, enjoying the sexual tension, and have absolutely no intention of proceeding further. (That's OK - people who learn Love Systems get pretty good at getting beautiful women to change their mind)
Examples of Romantic Touch include:
Kissing comes at the very end of Romantic Touch - and that's where plausible deniability ends. The makeout is an important signpost in the Physical Progression Model. Once she makes out with you, she's not flirting or being friendly, she's put herself out there. (But see the chapter on Kissing in Magic Bullets for some big pitfalls about kissing too soon or how it can dissipate sexual tension and kill your chances of advancing into Sexual Touch. It's not true that you should always go for the makeout as soon as you can.)
4. SEXUAL TOUCH
Sexual touch is the end zone of the physical model. It includes anything past kissing.
We're not going to teach you how to have sex in this book, but we are going to remind you of the potential obstacles and dead ends even once you get to this stage. Most of the time, these issues are emotional, not physical, and are dealt with in the chapter on Seduction in Magic Bullets.
A couple of years ago, I made the bold claim that "Advanced game is primarily about logistics." At the time, it was controversial. Now, of course, it's the conventional wisdom. But what does this actually mean?
"Logistics" is the social and physical context that you and a woman are in, and includes two critical questions:
1. Are her friends or other people associated with her around? (Social Logistics)
This only applies to her people. Your friends should be on your side and know what to do. If they don't, they could be great friends but they're not the people you should go out meeting women with. This is why lots of guys come to Love Systems live training workshops with their friends, or end up finding quality wingmen there.
Few women normally want to hook up while their friends look on. While advanced guys are good at changing this dynamic - something we talk about in our advanced material on female psychology - it's usually a safe assumption that you want to get her alone, where you can be more open with each other and where she might be less self-conscious.
2. How close are you to a place where sex could reasonably happen? (Location Logistics)
There's no sense getting her to want to have sex with you if you have nowhere to go. While many of the adventures I've had in VIP rooms, taxi cabs, and elsewhere have dramatically expanded my personal definition of "places where sex could reasonably happen," the standard assumption is that this means your house or hotel room. (Her place is okay too, but usually not as effective)
Other factors come into play logistically - for example, how much time she has, whether she has to get up in the morning, etc. - but these are the two most important.
Say you're at a nightclub, you've been talking to her for a couple of hours, she's attracted, qualified, comfortable, and your conversation has become sexualized. Physically, you're all over each other. But... you're at a club. You live 45 minutes away, and both drove separate cars to get there. She's drove down with her somewhat conservative and judgmental best friend, who is not going to wait in your living room when you hook up with her and is not going to hook up herself because her fiancé is waiting for her at home.
You, my friend, are not going home with her tonight. In fact, as we will see, it was counter-productive to advance so far Emotionally and Physically when your Logistics were so unfavorable.
Hence, the importance of being able to quickly assess and manage logistics.
Because the Logistical Progression Model has two separate variables (Social and Location), it is a little bit more flexible than the stricter step-by-step Emotional and Physical systems.
In other words, you can do the two major steps in any order. You can get her alone first, and then take her home. Or you can take her home first and then her friends leave (or get distracted for long enough). Or you can do both at once - e.g., if you meet her when she's out with friends but the two of you leave together to go home.
Those are your basic plays, but there are also a bunch of intermediate steps available to you, depending on the situation. use
"When other guys get phone numbers, we get the girl."
These location tools are especially effective when you use little moves to create momentum. She's more likely to come home with you if she's already used to following your lead as you take her to the dance floor, to the patio, to order drinks, to an even more fun place across the street, to a great dessert place near where you live, and so on.
One of the reasons the Love Systems Triad has been so successful is because it's fairly easy to learn while its implications can be very advanced and sophisticated.
Because everyone is unique, some implications may be more important to your style than others. We've learned that most people will do better if they discover the most important implications "naturally" through using the Love Systems Triad, as opposed to trying to memorize them. But here are a few important ones to get you started:
1. Always be moving to the center.
If it doesn't advance you emotionally, physically, or logistically, then don't do it. Succeeding with beautiful women is often about what you don't do as opposed to what you actually do. Taking the useless extra stuff out of your game should already improve your results.
So - whenever you feel stuck - move toward the center.
2. Get momentum on your side - don't let it work against you.
You can't stay too long in any phase of any part of the Triad forever. It will bore or frustrate most women. For example, even if you had a great three hours meeting a woman at a party and you made it all the way to the Comfort phase emotionally and to Romantic touch physically, but the next two weeks consisted of both of you unluckily leaving messages on each other's voicemail, your failure to move forward Logistically means you will lose momentum, and, eventually, her interest. Lack of momentum can work against you through no fault of your own.
Momentum can also work for you. Each phase that you can smoothly pass through builds up your momentum for the next one. When a woman talks about sleeping with you and says, "it just happened," that's momentum at work.
By the way, this is where the more advanced concepts of investment and social momentum (otherwise outside the scope of this chapter) come into play. If you can get her to invest in you - by, say, following you around the bar, or waiting while you're on the phone, or really doing anything that you ask her to do - that builds social momentum that can be applied (in order of impact) logistically, physically, or emotionally.
3. Progress in sync.
Have you ever gotten a woman all hot and bothered, taken her home, and been near the finish line when she says "stop... too fast... why do you like me?" You let the emotional lag behind the physical and logistical - probably in this case it was an issue with Qualification.
Or have you ever had a date like my "let's just be friends" disaster I talked about earlier - where everything went well emotionally and logistically, but I got rejected because I was nowhere physically?
Don't make avoidable mistakes. Don't let any dimension lag way behind.
4. There are shortcuts if you learn the relationships between specific points on the Triad.
A much more advanced and multi-dimensional implication - and one we're not going to fully cover here but that I want to put in your head so you can recognize it when it happens - is that there are specific relationships between the three dimensions. The three models are not isolated and separate.
For example, the very act of moving up the first two steps on the Physical Progression Model will help you emotionally. Study after study has shown that women are more apt to be sexually and romantically interested in men when there is (appropriate) touching as a subtext to their conversation. This actually applies to non-romantic interactions as well.
Some other examples:
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