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Sheriff on Same Night Lays
I was about to write a long article about Same Night Lays and One Night Stands this weekend – until one of our instructors - Sheriff - reminded me that he’d just done an extensive Q&A on the subject and shared a ton of his secrets. Rather than reinventing the wheel, Sheriff and I took the Q&A, simplified it for the LSi, and added some more explanations.
[The original Q&A is in The Lounge - which is a private online community of Love Systems instructors and some of our top students – many of whom have gone on to become instructors themselves. It’s like a smaller and more private version of The Attraction Forums. It’s also free, but restricted to those who have taken a Love Systems bootcamp. Normally I don’t take stuff from The Lounge for the LSi because it’s too detailed or advanced, but this seemed like a fun topic to play with, so, enjoy!]
Q. I guess that the first logical question is: do you consciously hit certain frames in order to achieve a Same Night Lay? If so, could you please tell us which ones? And how do you target each of them?
A. The only real frame I try and consciously hit is: collusion. That is, both she and I know what's going to happen, but we have to keep it secret from others.
Mostly it's about trying to hit a blueprint - massive sexual escalation (verbal, touching, the physical conversation) and then big releases. Quick example: pulling her in to you aggressively, faces an inch apart, looking at her lips, licking yours, and then gently pushing her away before she has a chance to make any sort of logical objection. You build up to this, obviously, rather than doing it straight after an opening. But, you can see it as pinging; the more she lets you get away with, the further you take it next time. When it plateaus, go back to normal game, then start again.
I can normally tell in the first 30 seconds if a girl is a good candidate for a Same Night Lay - I'll put my arm around her and drag her in for a sideways hug. If she puts her arm around me too, she might be a likely candidate. If not, I proceed normally. Of course, you have to have shown some value first. To recap that, value is what creates attraction. Magic Bullets explains how to get a girl attracted to you right away by using value if you need a review, or if you want something just focused on how to create and understand social value, download Future's interview with Tenmagnet on Value. Even if you don’t plan to pay the $39.97 for the full interview, you can listen for free for ten minutes.
Q. What are some reoccurring/proven elements that you incorporate into your set of "tactics/techniques" for Same Night Lays?
A. Lots. I use a lot of “kino pinging” and other elements to drive the physical conversation forward. I go for a lot of physical dominance too, and there are some great routines in the Love Systems Routines Manual Volume 1 to express this verbally and physically. If she's not okay with you touching her, a Same Night Lay just isn’t going to happen.
I focus on limiting factors and bottle necks. So, my foot is hard on the accelerator and I identify and take care of any obstacles along the way. For example, if she is attracted but resisting being alone with you or separated from her friends – even for a few minutes – then add more to Qualification or Comfort as necessary, and then get back on track. On that subject, I make sure to “isolate” as early and as much as possible. In most of my Same Night Lays, I’ve had the woman away from her friends within about five minutes. Make the night about you and her rather than about her and her friends.
Logistics is the third prong of the Love Systems Triad Model (with Emotional Progression and Physical Progression). In Same Night Lays, it is crucial. We can get into a lot of detail about this, but for the LSi, the overriding goal is to get her to somewhere where sex could reasonable happen as soon as possible.
Q. What would you say is the main difference between the game you’re running in a Same Night Lay vs. a One Night Stand?
A. [First, I’m going to jump in for the LSi version, because we get pretty detailed and advanced on the Lounge and some of the terminology might be unfamiliar to some guys. A One Night Stand implies that you and the woman aren’t going to see each other again. A Same Night Lay does not exclude this possibility. –Savoy]
To me, this gets back to Qualification. You can do a ton with Qualification, especially with your choice of qualification subjects. Since Qualification comes after Attraction – after she is already into you – it is your opportunity to “screen” her based on what you are looking for. So, if your qualification is primarily sexual in nature, you may get more one night stands, whereas if you mix in some non-sexual qualification, you may get more Same Night Lays.
It’s crucial that you understand and are very comfortable with Qualification and all of the things you can do with it. If you don’t, all you’re really doing is “attract a woman and then hope.” That’s usually enough to get a woman, because there are a lot of men who can do that, to say nothing of the fact that attracting a woman is also harder if your qualification game isn’t very good.
The best resources for understanding Qualification if you’re stuck or not using it at an advanced level are: 1) Chapter 8 of Magic Bullets, 2) the Sinn interview on Qualification, or 3) Mr. M covering Advanced Qualification at a bootcamp or Super-Conference.
Q. If you had to learn same-night lay game from scratch, where would you start?
A. Make sure you can convert pretty much all of your dates within a few hours. Once you can do that, all you have to do is create instant dates with women you meet when you’re out.
Q. Why is being non-judgmental important for a Same Night Lay and how do you show that you're non-judgmental?
A. There are lots of reasons for this, mostly related to female psychology. One of the simplest reasons is this: if she likes you, she doesn't want you to think she's easy. It also makes her feel better about herself, which allows her to enjoy the experience.
How do you convey that you are non-judgmental?
I like to use storytelling and embedding. Embedding is the technique by which you appear to be telling a story about one thing, but it’s actually designed to communicate something else. So, you could be telling a woman something funny about your ex-girlfriend and drop in the back-story that you first met her randomly hooking up in a club, and that some people just seem to click when they meet. If you are talking about your ex-girlfriend and meeting her in a positive light, what you are really saying is “if we sleep together tonight, I won’t disrespect you or treat you differently.” Since it would be awkward to actually say that explicitly, you can use embedding.
There are a bunch of “non-judgmental” routines in the Love Systems Routines Manual. Some you can give fairly early on, like the Ring Finger routine, while others are used later in the game. Most of them use embedding. The Love Systems Routines Manual is a great resource because it has hundreds of things that top guys actually say and do when meeting women, word-for-word.
The Love Systems Routines Manual also has a bonus chapter on how to create embedded stories from the ground up, in a step-by-step approach. It’s kind of funny, one of the examples starts with Savoy talking about his mom’s cat, and then adding more elements each time until it becomes a useful routine.
Q. Do you let the woman know your intentions? Do you tell her you’re bringing her home for sex, or do you get her out of the bar “to get some food” or for some other reason and then take her home? Are you innocent or sexually aggressive?
A. Don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach. One of the things I teach at bootcamps is how to test for and read different situations so you can know which approach will work better. Most guys who are successful can use either approach, depending on the situation. To simplify, if she isn't responding well to you being sexually aggressive, calm it down and see if you can get her to come for a cigarette with you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t smoke; say something like: "I don't smoke, I just like to go where it's quiet. Come!"
Leading and dominance is king here. I don't ask so much as I tell women what we're doing. A little bit of frame control and she will follow you anywhere. One of the best ways to learn frame control – other than one of my bootcamps – is the Sinn and Savoy Frame Control interview from the Advanced Interview Series (the interview is about an hour long and you can download and keep it for $39.97, or get the first ten minutes free online).
I actually had a period when I was learning this stuff when I was super-good at frame-controlling women to coming home with me, but didn't really have much attraction, and so wasn't converting. That was a bit weird, but shows how good you can get at leading!
Sheriff is a lead instructor with Love Systems currently based in London (Love Systems methodology works regardless of culture). You can learn from him on the occasional bootcamp he teaches or email us (or phone: +1 323 836 0150) for his availability for one-on-one or telephone training.
Membership to The Lounge is only available to those who have taken a Love Systems bootcamp or individualized training (and is included with both). It includes a searchable archive of over 33,000 posts.
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