(The Lounge is a free, private, online community of Love Systems experts and advanced students. You can only get in when a Love Systems instructor vouches for your potential – usually by successfully graduating from a bootcamp. Love Systems doesn’t have any stupid “continuity programs.” You want to learn Love Systems, you get free lifetime support.)
One of the things a lot of guys miss about one-night stands is that logistics are crucial. Before the Love Systems Triad model of dating and seduction was released, no one was really paying attention to logistics. But who she’s with, who you’re with, what time it is, etc., is crucial.
Where Braddock’s article comes in is on the other side of the coin – what women and what situations should you look for if you want something to happen the same night? Most lounge articles are at too advanced a level for the LSi, so we took a shot at shortening and simplifying this one. If you’re a member of the lounge, the original post (and all the follow-up conversation) is here.
If you are a guy who is only looking for same night lays, here are a few things that will help you have more consistent success. There are so many things that go into having good same night game and there are so many different styles you can take. Some guys go super sexual verbally and escalate really fast, some guys are all about sexual framing, some guys are all about building massive comfort, and other guys are all about building huge amounts of sexual tension through push/pull until the girl basically pulls them into the bedroom (my personal favorite). There are a lot of great posts on the lounge about this, so I’ll skip that for now.
SNL Threshold: Almost any woman can have a one-night stand. The sooner you get it out of your head that “nice girls” or “hot girls” don’t, the better. Every woman is unique and will have a different “threshold” (that has very little to do with how “nice” or “hot” she is) for what it would take to have sex with a man the same night. For some women, it will never happen. For others, it depends on a ton of factors; tonight’s ice queen is the same woman who can’t wait to rip off your clothes tomorrow.
Here’s a good checklist of some signs her threshold is going to be pretty high. She might still go home with you even if some of these are present, but your odds are lower. If you’re into her, these are good signs that you should slow it down and go for her phone number instead.
• Flinches multiple times at the idea of “bouncing” (going somewhere with you). Most women will give token resistance to bouncing back to your place the first time, but if she does it multiple times, it suggests a high threshold tonight.
• Flinches when you escalate physically. Physical progression (along with emotional and logistical progression) is one of the three pillars of the Love Systems Triad model. It’s not a simple thing – most women won’t want to look “easy” in front of their friends or in public; but, if she won’t let you escalate at all, she’s probably not going home with you. This applies even if she lets you escalate emotionally and logistically. You can be alone with her in a dark corner of the bar sharing your most intimate secrets, but resistance to any touching (like hand holding) means a high threshold.
• Bad Logistics. When you think about it, it’s obvious that the odds are against you if she lives an hour away, has to get up early, and is supposed to drive her friends home too. Where most guys go wrong is theyend up surprised when these obstacles appear at the end of the night. 2am is not the time to find out that she’s the designated driver. Ask the logistics questions early.
• Flinches when you make sexual jokes. I’m not talking about when you don’t have attraction and you are trying to talk sexual like a horny 7th grader. I’m talking about when you know she is interested and she just won’t bite on any kind of sexual role play, sexual frames, sexual teasing, or sexual qualification. She might be into you, she might date you, and she might go home with you another night... but for tonight, get the phone number and move on.
5.0: It’s a bit of a play on words – but it reflects something that is so important - social proofing a venue. This is really important if it’s your first time going somewhere and you don’t know anyone. It’s fine to do that, but you can’t look like you don’t know anyone. But, I’m also going to be talking about using social proof to create a buzz about yourself at your regular haunts, which is usually a better long-term strategy.
Q. Start us off. What are some tips guys can use right away?
5.0: First, you have to get in the door. As guys, the odds are stacked against us – women are the “currency” of these venues.
One of the fun things about being a Love Systems instructor is you HAVE to get good at getting into high-end clubs. Sometimes we might have 10 students on a bootcamp, 5-6 instructors, and a couple of instructors-in-training. These skills are handed down from instructor to instructor and are as precious as any routine.
Obviously, we can’t cover all of that right now, but here’s a start: don’t mess up the basics. Arrive early, sober, and well dressed and DONT linger outside the club. Walk straight to the line - bouncers have to deal with keeping the pavements/roads clear. Little things like that matter.
Talk to the bouncers, but don’t try to “game” them. Just like the hot girls inside, bouncers have been approached thousands of times by guys looking to get somewhere. But, unlike hot girls, bouncers have a job to do. Engage them first, and offer to help make their life easier, e.g. "Hey man, do you need to see my ID...?" as you take out your wallet to hand it to him.
The best thing is to go to the club and have women with you. Hit a bar close to the club beforehand and try to bounce over some girls. Failing that, at least try to talk to some in the line as you’re waiting. DON’T mention going in with them; just let the bouncers assume you’re all together.
Q. Okay, so you’re inside. Can you share a tip or routine for building social proof?
5.0: Alright, here’s a quick and easy one you can use tonight.
As soon as you walk into a bar, talk to someone, anyone. Say anything, but make sure it’s quick and doesn’t require a lot of effort on the part of the person to respond. Even something functional like “when does this place close?” or “where are the bathrooms?” works, since anyone will answer those.
Make sure you’re smiling, and shake guys’ hands as you leave and introduce yourself. Now you’ve broken the ice, and if they’re with any women you want to meet later, you have an easy introduction.
More importantly, everyone else thinks you know them. Do this a few times and you’ll look like the guy who knows everyone. That makes women curious about you.
Social status is one of the eight attraction switches (the book Magic Bullets has a great chapter on this).