Seduction is a pretty easy element in itself. It goes wrong for a lot of guys, but this is because of mistakes in comfort that only become apparent when you try to close the deal in seduction. It's like trying to tell a joke. You may feel that you can't deliver punch lines well, because you don't get the laughs. But the mistake may not be in the delivery of the punch line. Your punch line may be just fine. But if the buildup and lead-in aren't any good, no punch line in the world will save you. Seducing a woman is the same way. If you haven't done your groundwork, there's no seduction game in the world that will help you.
If you'll permit me a small tangent here, this is a frequent pattern in Love Systems teachings. Problems in one phase often don't become apparent until a later phase. For example, many guys who think they have problems in attraction often have decent attraction skills but are bad at opening and transitioning. If you start off badly or awkwardly, it's much harder to make a woman receptive to your attraction material. So the cause of the problem is in opening, but the symptom only appears in attraction. Similarly, guys who have trouble in comfort don't realize that this is often due to rushing through or skipping qualification.
How do you know if your comfort game was smooth? Well, ideally, you should be entering seduction with the following elements already in hand:
--You've spent time together.
--You've kept the attraction/sexual tension with her going while making her comfortable with you and trusting you.
--It feels totally normal to both of you that you are touching each other (non-sexually).
All good with comfort? Great. Now let's jump into seduction. Seduction, to a successful man, is mostly about logistics. You have attraction. You have comfort. She is ready to sleep with you. She may not think she is, but that's because she is conditioned to avoid – at all costs – feeling like she is 'easy.' That's one of the worst things one woman can say to another. So be understanding of her psychology, and LEAD her to sex so she doesn't have to take responsibility or feel easy. Three key rules:
Make it feel "natural." Any time a woman thinks "If I do this (go home with him / let him take my bra off / etc), it's going to lead to sex," there is a risk that she won't do it, even if she actually wants to sleep with you. Don't argue with this logically; it is part of many women's psychological makeup and we have to work with it. This can be very subtle. Saying to a woman "would you like to come back to my house" makes her decide right then and there if she wants to escalate sexually. In contrast, going for a walk, passing by your house, leading her inside "for a second" while you get your wallet or use the bathroom, will not trigger that reflex in women if done properly. Result is the same – she's in your house – but you haven't triggered any of her reflexes to avoid thinking of herself as "easy."
Distract her when it's necessary to be "unnatural." Say you are leaving a party with an attractive woman. You each live 20 minutes away, in opposite directions. No matter how good you are, and how good your excuse is to bring her home, you will not be able to avoid the fact that she's going in the opposite direction from her home to go to a man's house. In this case, don't make it a decision for her. Hold her hand and lead her to your car. Don't ask; assume she's getting in. Keep talking the whole time, telling her interesting stories so she's not left alone with her thoughts. I've literally gone on 20-minute monologues to entertain and distract a woman through especially awkward "unnatural" moments (e.g., waiting in line to check into a hotel).
Location, location, location. Attraction and comfort can – theoretically – take place anywhere. Seduction can usually only take place in private. While it's theoretically possible to close the deal in a restaurant bathroom, it's not what most of us are going for here. So realize that you are going to have to get her to your house (or possibly her house, but yours is better). Plan for this. Don't spend all of your comfort-building time on the other side of town. Make her comfortable with your living quarters before you get into seduction. If she's learned that she's safe and can have fun at your house during comfort without your trying to sleep with her, she's much more likely to follow you there when it's time for sex.
Got it? Okay, let's dive a bit deeper.
Make it Feel Natural
Have you been a passenger in a car, when you are enjoying the ride, talking to your friend who is driving, and then looked up and thought "wow, we're here already?" This is because there were no 'state breaks.' Nothing made you suddenly change your mental state. For example, the driver never stopped to ask for directions, felt nervous about arriving at your destination, or left you feeling bored and wondering where you were going. More than likely you were talking about enough interesting things and sharing each other's company enough that you stopped thinking about the fact that you were in a car going someplace. That's how to seduce a woman. In bed afterwards, try asking her "so... how did THIS happen?" If she says "well, I was horny, you were cute, you did this, I did that, and now here we are," you still have room to improve your game (though congratulations on the result anyway). If she says "I don't know... it just happened" you are on the road to becoming a Love Systems man.
Distract her when it's Necessary to be "Unnatural"
Also known as managing state breaks. Some state breaks are inevitable. A few techniques are valuable to getting over them. One is to oversell whatever is on the other side. For example, if you are moving her from your living room couch to the bedroom, say something like "I have more pictures in here... you said you like Miro right? Oh my god, come check this out, you will DIE" while holding her hand and leading her into your bedroom. Much better than "I have a new lamp in my bedroom, want to see?"
Location, location, location
Let's assume you got her to your house. You're on home turf now. Everything is perfectly set up for seduction, right? It had better be. This is something TOTALLY under your control and there is NO excuse for not giving yourself every chance to succeed. It's like training for months for the big race and then wearing running shoes with broken laces. There is so much that is difficult or not under your control in this game that you can't afford to make mistakes on the stuff that is.
It should be clean. It doesn't have to be spotless, but it should be clean enough for a woman to be comfortable. The bathroom, especially, should be hygienic.
The living room (or wherever you plan to bring her) should be laid out so there is no obvious way for you both to sit down but side by side together on a couch. If you have chairs, pile stuff on them or get rid of them before she comes over so she can't sit there.
Have fun things to do if you still need to build comfort. Interactive fun is better than cool DVDs. Fun truth-or-dare games, an easy 3D jigsaw puzzle, whatever.
Some romance and implied sexuality never hurt. Have champagne, have strawberries, and have whipped cream around. Don't be cheesy with them, but realize you have them and can break them out when needed.
Alcohol can build comfort and also let a woman feel less responsible ("I can justify this to myself because I'm drunk even if I just had two drinks"). Have drinks that women like. Many women – not all, of course - prefer wine to beer, shooters to shots, vodka to rum, and sweet mixers to bitter ones. Learn how to make drinks women order when they are having fun. Cosmopolitans and margaritas are good places to start.
Condoms are the ultimate state break. Keep them near the bed, where you can get to them easily and unobtrusively. You will inevitably lose out at least once with a woman who was quite happy to sleep with you until you introduced a state break and reached for the condoms. Live with this. Literally. Unsafe sex is never an option. Lose the girl, not your health.
Seduction is kind of a touchy subject for a lot of people. Especially when we talk about minimizing state breaks and not giving women a lot of time to sit and think about whether they really want to begin a sexual encounter. So I want to be very clear that we are talking about seduction, not manipulation. There's no need to manipulate a woman into sex. All we're trying to do is lessen her feelings of guilt and responsibility for the first time. Yes, we tell it like it is, not how society wants it to be. And yes, some women are very comfortable with their sexuality and choices and don't require men to lessen their feelings of guilt and responsibility. They are often great catches, but are not the majority.
One final thing to remember – to you, No will always mean No. Even when it doesn't mean No to the woman who said it (it can mean no, but it can also mean not yet, not like that, not here, not until you've convinced me, or yes but don't make me feel easy), it will mean No to you. You can try again later or you can try something else, but you cannot ignore a "no." You have no way of knowing for sure what no means, and it's simply wrong to assume that you do. Successful men never have to ignore a "no" and successful men also know that there are many willing women ready to replace the one who might not be.
LMR is the second part of the seduction phase (the first is arousal, the last is the sexual act itself). LMR occurs whenever a woman resists physical escalation in the seduction phase.
It would be impossible to give a full treatment of LMR here, so I'll just give you a couple of quick tips.
--When she says "we shouldn't be doing this" agree with her. Respond with "Yes, we shouldn't be doing this... and we definitely shouldn't be doing THIS... you are so bad." This changes the frame from 1) her resisting you to 2) you two sharing a conspiracy over doing something you shouldn't be doing to 3) her seducing you by being bad. Again, remember though that no means no.
--You don't have to let a woman choose the level of physical intimacy you two will have. You can't insist on sex if she isn't willing, but you don't have to accept her choosing a substitute. She may want to lie in bed with you and make out all night. You may want sex. Neither of you is obligated to give the other what they want. Explain to her, without ANY resentment, that lying in bed with her all night kissing will make you aroused, and that's painful for a man. Instead, turn on the lights, get out of bed, and do something boring with her like play checkers. Don't make it too fun, but appear COMPLETELY unphased by what happened and not at all put out. Make it entirely non-sexual. When she reinitiates touching and kissing, escalate it. If she says no, say "I understand" and turn all the lights back on, put the candles out, turn the music off, and play checkers again. Do this all without any trace of frustration.
--Every guy knows this, but when you remove a woman's skirt or pants, take her underwear off at the same time in the same motion (i.e., grab both). If you leave her underwear on, taking it off later is a major state break.
--Play the resister sometimes. Be the first one to say "we shouldn't be doing this" even while you escalate.
--Take your time. Act like you've been here before. Don't rush to put it in her. Don't get nervous you're going to lose the girl. You're a Love Systems man now. Even if you lose this girl, there will be plenty more. Have fun. Don't be too serious.
Like I said, LMR is hard to cover in such a short time. We could talk for hours about it. But this should get you started.
- Magic Bullets
- Savoy's Relationship Management DVD Course
- Interview Series Volume 11 - Physical Escalation & Kissing
- Interview Series Volume 12 - On Seduction
- Interview Series Volume 33 - Logistics: Taking Her Home
- Interview Series Volume 34 - Female Psychology
- Interview Series Volume 40 - Turning Things Sexual
- Interview Series Volume 46 - Last Minute Resistance
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