Some guys are worried they’re going to lose her. Others ignored my advice not to get into a relationship right after Love Systems training, and now they’re in a relationship they’re not sure about. Either way, these problems are fixable. Even better, these problems are preventable – if you’re NOT in a relationship right now, use this info to avoid problems down the road.I’ve done a lot of one-on-one phone consultations this week (you get 3 of them for free with 11 Essentials) and I’m hearing a lot of the same questions over and over:
“Nick, I used your material to get a great girlfriend... but now I don’t know what to do!”
Some guys are worried they’re going to lose her. Others ignored my advice not to get into a relationship right after Love Systems training, and now they’re in a relationship they’re not sure about. Either way, these problems are fixable.
Even better, these problems are preventable – if you’re NOT in a relationship right now, use this info to avoid problems down the road.
- 1. Not being the same guy she fell for.
If you’re using Love Systems, you probably made a great impression on her at first. Even if you didn’t FEEL confident, challenging, and in command, you were able to use Love Systems to create that impression on her. You knew how to make her feel just the right emotions at just the right time.
Then you probably went on a few dates. You used Love Systems dating techniques and showed her an exciting part of your world and made her want to know more and experience more.
Now you’re together. How do you relate to her? Do you take her on emotional journeys and explore your connection? Or is Friday night order-pizza-and-watch-TV night?
There’s nothing wrong with getting comfortable in a relationship, but don’t take her for granted either. She fell for the guy who was courting her.
So take her on a date once in a while, like when you first met her. Make out with her. Remember how much you were dying to kiss her early on? How long you’d make out with her for? Spend 30-60 seconds per day making out with her. She’s worth one free minute, isn’t she?
Just like you wouldn’t like it if she let go of her appearance once she became your girlfriend, she wants you to continue to be the same guy she fell for originally.
- 2. Your living room is not a nightclub.
This is the opposite problem - the guy who acts exactly the same as he did when he first met her.
It’s not about turning Love Systems off. If you’re using Love Systems properly, you know that most of the time you’re with a woman (before a relationship) is spent in the Comfort phase anyways: getting to know each other, hanging out, sharing commonalities and differences, enjoying each other’s company, and so on. That’s all the same stuff you do in a relationship.
No, what I’m talking about is the guy who a couple of months into a relationship is still teasing her about everything, playing push-pull games, flirting with other women to show pre-selection, and insists on controlling the frame all the time.
This comes from insecurity. It comes from a feeling that you only got the girl because you used Love Systems “tricks” on her. And as soon as you stop using these attraction techniques, she won’t be attracted any more.
I’m sorry to shatter your self-image, but this is simply not true.
Believe it or not, she’s in a relationship with you because she likes who you are. Love Systems attraction techniques might have gotten her attention and broken you through the initial barrier, but if you’ve got a great girl, know that you got her. Hundreds of thousands of men know Love Systems, but she chose you.
So... a bit of teasing and being playful is normal and fun. Don’t drop that completely. But don’t use them as a shield to stop her from getting to know you better.
(By the way, letting her get to know you does NOT mean immediately introducing her to your worst qualities. Always be your best self – but be open about your values, interests, and feelings.)
- 3. Having no passion or purpose.
This happens to guys who have been in the dating wilderness for too long. Some guys get so focused on improving their dating life that once they actually DO get a great girlfriend, they don’t know what to do next.
Show her that you have a passion and a purpose (this specific vocabulary comes from Future’s Breakthrough Comfort / How to Get a Girlfriend course.) It doesn’t have to be sexy, but it does have to be you.
Women love energy and ambition. It doesn’t really matter (within reason) where this energy or ambition is directed. Your genuine passion for something “nerdy” like model trains, even if she has no interest in them herself, will make her feel much closer to you than pretending to be interested in the “right” things.
(Future’s Breakthrough Comfort / How to Get a Girlfriend course is much broader than this, of course. It’s really about “How to Get Her to Fall in Love”. It’s not ready for re-release yet, but Future’s blog has tons of great articles on this and other subjects)
- 4. Not making her look good.
In general, women are more affected by others’ opinions than men. And a woman’s identity is (in general) more tied to her relationship status than a man’s. So, go the extra mile to make her look good when her friends or family are involved.
Take Valentine’s Day as an example. Valentine’s can often be a “who has the better boyfriend” competition between women. Don’t discretely drop by with flowers; send a big bouquet to her work (if appropriate) or home (if she has roommates).
Or, let’s say you randomly run into her friends or family (without her). That’s a huge opportunity – and a potential pitfall.
- Opportunity = Give some unsolicited compliments about your girlfriend. It will make her feel so good (and her friends so jealous) to hear that even when she’s not around, you are thinking of her. It will get back to her, I promise.
- Pitfall = Be above suspicion. Some people love creating drama – don’t let them. Even if you’re not doing anything “wrong” don’t give her friends or family an opening to cause trouble. If you’re in an open relationship and you’re meeting women somewhere her friends show up at, you might want to head somewhere else. Even if you’re technically in the right, it’s not worth the drama. Or say you’re having lunch with a female friend when your girlfriend’s sister happens to be there. Be sure to introduce her as “[Name], my girlfriend’s sister” and not just with her name. Little things like that make a BIG difference.
Dealing with your girlfriend’s friends and family can be a big part of being a great boyfriend. Women constantly judge each other on their sexual and romantic choices. One of the biggest gifts you can give your girl is to spare her the drama. She’ll thank you for it – so it’s a win-win-win!
For an in-depth examination of the topic by two of the best dating coaches in the world (Future and Cajun) check out their interview on long-term relationships.
Or, to get good at relationship management (including how to get into and manage friends with benefits, dating multiple women, long-term relationships, setting expectations, knowing how to predict when she’ll cheat, how to solve conflict, and so on) check out my relationship management DVD course. It’s based on my Relationship Management seminars and comes with a full guarantee – you can’t lose.
Either way, I wish you every success for your love life and dating life – whether the perfect girlfriend is by your side or in your future.
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