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Christmas and New Year's parties are incredible occasions to meet women. Just about everything you could want is going in your favor. People are festive and happy. They do not usually have work the next day. The season is about making connections and feeling close to people. No one likes being alone over the holidays. Barriers are down. Friends introduce friends to each other, and everyone tries to have a good time.
But be careful!
A lot of guys who aren't experienced with Love Systems techniques try to duplicate their successes in bars, coffee shops, and clubs in the same way at private parties. Don't do this! The underlying psychological principles of attraction work the same way, but the rhythm and context are extremely different.
Let's start with an example. Say you're at a party where everyone knows at least one person in common, even if it's just the host. In this situation, scripted openers may lower your status. Standing out with your extreme clothing is also often out of place. Also watch out for re-using material.
Let's compare a club to a friendly party. The aim here is not to provide an exhaustive list of tactics on how to meet women at holiday parties. That could be the subject of a book in itself. What I want to do here is give you an idea of how holiday parties are different from public venues where people are more likely strangers to each other. So, read this for the general flavor as much as for the specific examples.
The first difference is how you start conversations. In clubs, the indirect opener is designed to "get you in the door" without triggering many women's automatic responses to some male stranger initiating a conversation. Approaching a woman you don't know and asking her opinion bypasses these "automatic responses" we just mentioned. Thus, by starting a conversation with a canned opener you bypass that switch and are in a conversation before she/they even realize it.
In contrast, "Hi, I'm Nick" makes her think about whether she wants to talk to me. She has to decide if she is attracted to me already, but she hasn't learned very much about my personality yet. This is what I call the "Am I attracted?" question (AIA) and avoiding this is a major part of opening. So, the opener might work and she might decide that she is attracted enough to continue the conversation if she's friendly, thinks I'm cute, is lonely or bored, or is attracted to a guy with enough courage to approach her. However, in the back of her mind, she is already 'screening.' That's why we discourage this sort of opening for beginners.
At a party where people always have people in common, everyone is expected to meet strangers. That's the point of a private party. So if I start with, "Hi, I'm Nick," I'll get "Hi, I'm Melissa" and after a few seconds to give the conversation some momentum (establishing who we know in common, commenting on the great view, introducing your friend, or whatever), you can start with attraction material without activating her screening reflex.
This bears repeating: At a party there is usually no need to cut through barriers to opening. You are supposed to talk to strangers!
Starting in mid-conversation with "Do you think it's okay to break up by text messages?" may initiate a conversation, but in the back of her mind she'll be wondering why I didn't introduce myself and follow social conventions. Do I not know anyone at the party and am afraid to be found out? Am I just rude? Do I lack social skills? Of course, you don't want her thinking about any of these things. This is what we call Social Intuition, which is one of the inherently attractive characteristics for a man.
Another difference is in the dynamics between clubs and private parties. If you do not succeed with the first couple of women you talk to at a club, it's not a big deal. Find another part of the club, and, with luck, no one will have seen your first couple of approaches. Even if you bomb an entire club, there are more clubs. You'll never see these people again. So, you can take risks.
However, at parties there is a different dynamic. If you fail with a girl or a group, KNOW that everyone else saw it. In fact, anything you do while in a conversation will be reported. For example, let's say that you start the night by talking for 10 minutes to Tanya and Peter. Let's say I'm not very good at storytelling, so I don't get through the attraction phase and I make a bad impression. Later on, I get warmed up, and I meet Sarah. Things go much better with her. But then I call her the next day and she doesn't answer. What happened?
Probably, Sarah, Peter, and Tanya have friends in common. Now Sarah hears about my earlier rejection and that other people think of me as low value. Sarah reconsiders. Does she really want to go out with someone else's reject? Does she really want to date a low-value guy? Does she want to be the girl who dates the guy who other people were laughing at? Remember, not only Tanya and Peter know this story, but their friends might too - and a lot of mutual friends were probably at the party in the first place! Remember - a woman's social value derives to some extent from the quality of the man she is with. It's unfair, sure, but that's life.
Don't stand out too much with your clothing at parties. Some pickup artists look great in their unique outfits, but they probably wouldn't dress like that to go to a friend's house.
So, be a lot more careful at parties. Get along with people. Have fun. Make friends. If you spot an opportunity, go for it, but don't act like you would in a club.
Establishing social proof is vitally important in a club. A woman knows nothing about you at a club. At most clubs, even losers can get in if they bribe the bouncer or come really early or wait forever. So, to her, you could still be anything from a loser to a celebrity.
In contrast, at a private party you have social proof. If Sarah (the girl from the previous example) is friends with Kelly, who is throwing the party, and you're friends with Kelly, then you already have lots of value. Being too obvious in demonstrating more value will feel out of place to her, or socially awkward, or make you come across as insecure or fake.
Moreover, there's an opportunity here! Let's say you're single, Sarah is single, and Kelly respects you as a friend. You can then ask Kelly about Sarah. That, by the way, is the way to do it. Keep the screening frame, even with mutual friends. Don't say "I like Sarah." Say "I was talking to your friend Sarah for a while; where do you know her from?" People will understand what you mean. Ask her what she's like. If Kelly thinks you'd be a good match - remember, especially over the holidays, people love setting up their friends - then she may do all of the work for you. Next thing you know, Kelly and her boyfriend might invite both you and Sarah to a concert together. You'll get the girl. This is how most people find their significant other.
The fundamental social skills we teach at Love Systems apply to all sorts of different situations. It's important that you can recognize the different social situations so you can apply the right tactics and techniques for getting the woman you're interested in.
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