Empathetic Listening

by Brad P.

I'd like to elaborate on what to do besides teasing in an interaction.

Here's the deal - the seduction community teaches you to tease so you don't come off as a nice guy and a doormat. Why? Because that's how most of us start out. But not everyone. Maybe you're not a nice guy doormat. That's why this stuff doesn't work for you as well.

The real truth is that different kinds of women require different kinds of techniques. Some women I can get simply by being a cocky scumbag. With others I can go direct, others just natural convo and comfort building. It's all about recognizing what kind of a woman you're dealing with.

As someone who is just beginning your studies, you haven't developed a set of different skills you can apply to different women, so you're just trying the one that we all learn first - teasing.

Let me give you something else to try that may work in some situations: Empathetic Listening. This is something that most people are encouraged to build as part of the passive social skill set. I know it sounds very 'Dr. Phil,' but it's a deeper concept than you might think.

Sometimes women go into stories, and as a PUA, you look for something to misinterpret, or tease about. But you haven't considered the reason why they go into stories.

Men tell stories to exchange information, or for a laugh. Women tell stories for a different reason. When one tells a story to her girlfriends, she is going on an emotional journey through that same event all over again. She relives the event in order to recontextualize the feelings that happened during the event. She needs to put those feelings into a new place in her brain where they won't cause her a disturbance. Storytelling is emotional housekeeping.

Sometimes, when women listen to each other, they don't offer advice, or wait for the punch line; they just help each other along on the emotional journey. They empathize. Sometimes they just say 'uh huh.' Sometimes they repeat the same thought back in slightly different words, sometimes the exact same words. All of these are examples of empathetic listening. Phrasing stuff back makes the person speaking feel like she is understood, like someone is listening. In PUA language, it's giving that person validation. Women go on emotional journeys all day long, and sometimes a little validation will help your cause. It's not ass-kissing; you must understand the difference.

If you can be good at empathetic listening, it's a good counter-balance to being good at teasing. It shows that you have a multi-dimensional personality. That's the kind of guy a woman wants to sleep with on the first night. So, be cool and confident sometimes, and understanding at other times. It cannot be faked.

Brad P.

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