Have you reached all of your goals with women and dating? Are you dating and sleeping with the type of women YOU want, or are you settling? Is your sex life as good as you fantasized it would be when you were a teenager?
If you've got it handled - or even if you haven't but you're on the right track and you know you'll get there someday - great. Skip the rest of this Love Systems' insider and check you inbox in two days for the next LSi this Thursday.
Or is there some REASON why you will never have everything you want?
If you think there is, we have to talk.
In about 30 seconds, I will go through the most common reasons why guys think they are limited, and tell you how to overcome each one:
"I'm too short"
"I'm too old"
"I'm not good-looking enough"
"I don't have enough money"
But before I go into each of those, let's talk about what's REALLY going on - at least for 99% of the guys who have these "reasons:"
You're protecting your ego.
Saying you're too short or too old or whatever comes from the same place as when a guy says, "I didn't want her anyway," or "she's just a bitch" when he gets rejected by an attractive woman.
Your ego does not like it if there is something you want, something you should be able to do, and you aren't able to do it.
Last weekend I was playing basketball with some friends. I had a bad game and missed a bunch of easy shots. It pissed me off. I wanted to make those shots and I should be able to. Then we went for a beer afterwards and played some pool. I absolutely suck at pool, so it didn't bother me or affect my ego.
So the guy who convinces himself that "I didn't want her anyway," after she rejected him, is redefining the situation. Whether or not he could have had her, he didn't want her. No big deal, no damage to the ego.
That's shortsighted, of course, because this guy is denying himself the opportunity to improve - to actually be able to get what he wants instead of making excuses about it. If you admit that you wanted her but didn't have the right technique, then you can fix the technique. And next time it will be your buddies who are trying to convince themselves that they wouldn't have wanted that "Perfect 10" anyway, before you take her home.
Saying you CAN'T get her, instead of just that you DIDN'T WANT HER, is even more self-destructive.
Now you've given yourself permission to compromise yourself and permission to fail. Like I said, I'm really bad at pool. So I don't mind a bad game and I can take some pleasure in the occasional good shot. That's fine for a bar game I play maybe one a year. It's not fine for life.
You've only got one chance at this "life" thing, so for anything important - and dating, sex and relationships definitely counts as important - you're not here to give up. Giving up is the easier choice for sure - Love Systems is not an easy skill to develop. Being able to pick up gorgeous women wherever you go takes time and work.
But it's worth it.
"Alright Savoy," I'm sure some people are saying, "that sounds very inspiring and all, but the fact is that I actually AM short/old/ugly/poor/whatever and even in the Magic Bullets Handbook you say that height/age/looks/wealth matter. So if it matters but I don't have it, what then?"
OF COURSE these things matter. I don't know where anyone got the idea that they don't (probably some desperate wannabe instructor pretending he has a magic pill that will solve any problem), but they do.
But lots of things matter. A nice deep voice matters. If you've seen me on video, I obviously don't have that (and that's my improved voice, you should have heard it ten years ago).
Like I wrote in the introduction to the comprehensive Bible of dating and seduction, the Magic Bullets Handbook, dating beautiful women is not about that one magic thing you can do that changes everything. That's why the book is called "Magic Bullets" to make fun of the idea - pushed by desperate imitators of Love Systems - that there's just one thing you need to do and like magic, abra cadabra hocus pocus, beautiful women appear.
It's not like that.
There are thousands of things you can do to improve your success with women. You don't have to do them all. No man in history has ever done them all. You just have to do enough of them.
You'll see why this is important in a moment. For now, onto the SOUPy excuses!
"I'M TOO SHORT"
Think of anything that is holding you back in three ways:
1. How you can minimize the damage
2. How you can turn it into an advantage
3.How you're going to deal with it
Let's try that out with height. So you're short. You're not going to grow taller, but you can look taller. Get yourself a couple of extra inches of height, easily, by wearing the right shoes. There are lots of fashionable brands that have really thick soles. Check the Fashion & Style section of the Attraction Forums for advice and pictures. Subtle vertical stripes in your clothing helps a lot too. So does sitting down.
(I don't mean to be glib. There are dozens more tips like these in the audio guide to Overcoming Physical Obstacles by two guys who are exceptional ladies men who are much shorter than most of the women they meet: Mr M and Keychain)
How can short be an advantage? Lots of ways, here's just one - you can "get away" with being a bit more obnoxious, tease her a bit more, get under the radar screen with her guy friends, etc., than a taller man. Cajun is a small guy and I'm a big guy. If I did the stuff he does to pick up women, I'd look like a clown. When he does it, he goes home with the hottest girl in the club.
Minimize the damage, take what advantages you can, and then deal with it. About half of the Love Systems instructors are under 5'10 (175cm). They started right where you are and now they live a life full of beautiful women.
Watch 5'6 (167cm) Cajun pick up women who are taller than him on live hidden camera video here:
"I'M TOO OLD"
Let's follow the same pattern. Minimize the downside, maximize the benefits and then deal with it.
Unlike height, you can't change your age. But older doesn't have to mean out of touch. No one expects you to know the name of every Lady Gaga song (less still, to actually like her music), but you should at least know who she is. You shouldn't be wearing the same clothes or haircut that might have been in style 10 years ago. I'm not saying dress younger - there's nothing worse than someone who is trying to dress much younger than they look - but be stylish.
Women aren't attracted to numbers. Women are attracted to things like energy, passion, sense of adventure, commonalities, and so on. Have some of these traits and you neutralize your younger competitors.
Now let's maximize the benefits. Flip the script a bit. The question is not whether you are young and energetic and cool enough for her... The question is whether she is classy and sophisticated and mature enough for YOU.
You remember the attraction switches from the Magic Bullets Handbook, right? Those magical 8 things that most hot women are attracted to?
Well, a few of those are especially associated with older men, like power and social status. Play to your strengths. Wear a power suit. Tell interesting stories. Show her how you can navigate situations a less experienced man can't. And so on.
And then just go deal with it. A Love Systems instructor by the name of "Bullet" (see his bio here) is 47 years old. When I was evaluating him as a potential instructor he was effortlessly charming, attracting, and seducing much younger women.
If this is your situation, then I also want you listen to my complete audio guide to dating and attraction for "Older Men and Younger Women." Click on the link below to start listening right away:
No, you're really not. I've trained some real trolls - guys with faces to put Medusa to shame - who picked up beautiful women. I've been told I'm no Brad Pitt myself.
But let's go through our pattern. First, reduce the downside.
Being good looking for a man has much more to do with fashion and grooming than what you look like naked. That's a huge advantage of being male - be grateful for that. For most people, you can be "decently good looking" after a trip to the mall and the hair salon.
99% of men can become "decently good looking" (to the point where your looks won't HURT you even if they don't HELP you) in just one day.
I'm serious. All you need is a trip to the mall, money for clothes and a haircut, and someone who knows what they're doing to help you. Go back to the before-and-after pictures in the fashion chapter of the Magic Bullets Handbook if you don't believe me.
Women aren't as crazy about looks as men are, but women DO look at you for clues about what kind of person you are. Most women don't care all much if you don't have perfect abs, but they'll assume scuffy shoes and a bad haircut mean you're out of touch or don't respect yourself. That's not attractive.
And if you're interested in a few hours of professional help putting your look together,
And if, like me, you're not being actively recruited by modeling agencies or look like Brad Pitt, guess what? Those are advantages. Super good looking guys trigger a woman's "player vibe" much quicker than we do. When they "go direct" they come off as sleazy, whereas average guys come off as bold, confident, and sexy. When they approach women, her friends cockblock. And so on. Obviously, any of us would happily take on these problems if that gave us model-quality looks, but that's not an option so we deal with it.
If you're having trouble "dealing with it" then you need to come to the PUA Super Conference this October. We bring all of our instructors and prospective instructors there. And one of them, who is just INCREDIBLE infield - has one frigging arm.
That's right. He has one arm.
While he's your wingman out at the Vegas clubs, picking up beautiful woman after beautiful woman, tell him why you'll never be as good as him because you don't have a perfect jawline.
"I'M TOO POOR"
Alright, you guys know the drill.
First, mitigate. Being poor isn't a great thing, so don't talk about it or whine about it. Don't complain about bills about charges for a small amount of money. Don't highlight how poor you are by asking her to "go Dutch" or ask her to pay for dates or show resentment of rich people.
For some women, money is kind of like looks. A guy with money and a guy who is good looking are both nice things to have, but what a lot of women do is use these things as cues for what kind of a person you might be. So a guy who is fashionable and well put-together is someone she might think is clued in, respects himself, takes care of details, and so on. Similarly, a guy with money might be a guy with ambition (very attractive to women) or brains or work ethic.
Now before you jump down my throat, I can tell you that I know darn well that lots of rich men are imbecilic dolts who got lucky or were born into it and lots of men who are ambitious, smart and dedicated have directed those talents into pursuits more meaningful to them than just making money.
But like I've often said, I didn't make the world; I just live in it. I'm just telling you how a lot of women think.
So let's flip the script again. If she's not after money, but what money represents, then show her you have ambition, brains, and dedication. Show her you have goals and you are on your way to achieving them. That won't help with gold-diggers, but who wants a gold-digger anyway?
(By the way, this life goals tactic works very well with Future's Breakthrough Comfort techniques on "getting her to fall in love with you." One of the pieces of that is how to talk about and align life goals. Rich men can do Breakthrough Comfort just as well, of course, I'm just showing where stuff fits together.)
Don't plan expensive dates. This is unnecessary (and in some situations counterproductive). Go to the museum, the art gallery, the improv theatre, the park, the beach, the festival, the party, the comedy club - most of these don't cost a lot and make for MUCH better dates than the 5 star restaurant.
At the end of the day, you don't have to be rich, just comfortable and able to navigate your world without money constantly being in the way.(*)
I'm sure this will cause a lot of controversy. I'm interested in what you think. Come to The Attraction Forums (I log on every day) and tell me your reactions and how you're going to make your game, and your life, better.