Last weekend, The Don and I, with three assistant instructors, taught another great and rewarding bootcamp.
In no particular order, here are some thoughts and observations that were sparked this weekend, though of course they come from all of the bootcamps at which I've taught over the past few years:
KEY INSIGHT TO REMEMBER: If she doesn't feel like she knows why you like her, then you're not building on a solid foundation. I chose my words carefully by the way – she has to "feel like she knows" as opposed to "know" – while qualification can be described as a logical process, to most women it's an emotional one. Does she feel that she showed you something about herself that made her unique in your eyes and made you interested in her?
KEY INSIGHT TO REMEMBER: Never settle for a phone number. Never settle for women who aren't as desirable to you as others you would like to meet. Figure out who you are so that you have a good, but not bragging, answer to the question "what do you do" and ensure that you act and dress and surround yourself with people who are consistent with this identity. If your identity is not itself attractive, either present it differently or develop your lifestyle with the purpose of improving your identity (we occasionally offer identity coaching through individualized 'one on one' training).
I virtually guarantee that you're making one of these four mistakes. Nearly everyone is.
Qualification is the hardest part of the game for someone new. The mechanics aren't terribly complicated, but it can be tough for men who are not used to getting so much attraction from women so quickly (some of our students are quite advanced already; these guys usually have different problems that I will cover below) to "risk" that attraction by making her work for your interest. In truth, you are risking nothing – attracting a woman without qualifying her does not usually get you very far and often leads to lots of flakes as well as difficulties in the seduction phase.
More advanced bootcamp students often suffer from either setting their sights too low or not having a coherent identity. At pretty much every bootcamp there are at least a couple of men who can consistently meet women, attract them, make plans, and get phone numbers. What we teach these men to do is A) go for the most desirable women and B) push the interaction beyond a phone number (you don't need to take her home, though that's often the goal, but moving to any different location will solidify her interest in you and the connection you build). Often when these successful men try to play on this harder level, other issues in their game surface which we can then correct. One of the most common of these is identity. A highly-desirable woman has to know who you are (usually expressed by your choice of profession or serious hobby) and you must act and appear to be consistent with this identity. For highly-desirable women, this identity should be one that she would feel proud to be associated with.
There is a direct correlation between the guys who are taking notes and asking questions during the seminar part of the bootcamp and the guys who get the greatest results at night. Even though the bootcamps are fun, you need to approach them from the perspective of soaking up knowledge. The guy who had printed out a copy of Magic Bullets, had questions prepared in advanced, and was taking notes in the margins was also one of the first to get makeouts on Saturday night. This isn't a coincidence. We make them three days for a reason; there's a lot to teach.
You really can't overestimate the value of the basics. Even the advanced guys were tripping up on these from time to time, and there's no excuse for not having this stuff nailed 100% of the time:
Smile and be having fun when you're between interactions with different groups.
Be loud enough when you open that everyone can hear you. You should never be ignored or have to repeat yourself.
Don't lean in. Always stand up straight, even if she is sitting down.
If she is sitting down, sit down as well within the first few seconds.