Mixed Groups & Other Guys
I want to clear up one of the biggest MISSED OPPORTUNITIES for guys.
Even if you go to the bar or party or coffee shop and you approach every group of women there... You’re still missing out on the BEST opportunities:
That means women who have other guys with them. Whether these men are friends, admirers, or boyfriends, you CAN and SHOULD approach these women.
I’ll show you how, why approaching these women is “better,” and how you can pick up a woman up EVEN IF HER BOYFRIEND IS THERE THE WHOLE TIME.
But, let’s start at the beginning. Print out this email, because you’re going to want to come back to it again in the future.
HOW TO APPROACH
“How to approach a mixed group” is pretty much solved. We don’t have space to copy and paste pages from the e-books Magic Bullets or the Routines Manual here. If you haven’t read those books yet, do so now.
Here are a couple of review points:
- Use opening lines (openers) designed specifically for mixed groups.
- Start talking to the guy(s) first, at least in the first 30 seconds.
- Bring value (other women, humor, etc.) right away.
DO NOT use standard “female opinion” or “direct” openers with mixed groups!
Use the right tool for each situation, and recognize that each situation is different. You should have a minimum of 3-5 great “openers” that you can use for all-girl groups and another 3-5 you can use for mixed groups.
If you don’t have great, proven openers that you like, then grab a few from among the dozens in the Love Systems Routines Manual or (better still, in my opinion) Volume 2 of the Routines Manual.
These openers are all word-for-word scripts, with what to do in every situation and how to respond to the most common things she’ll do. Take a look at Volume 1 and Volume 2.
Start talking to the guys, and bring value immediately. Guys can and will shut you down if they don’t like you right away.
You can use humor (pick one of the Humorous Openers from the Routines Manual), or, even better, bring women with you.
Just approach a small all-female group with a light, easy opener. Don’t try to pick them up. After a couple of minutes of conversation, either take something one of them said or introduce a new opinion opener (there are dozens in the Routines Manual).
Now you have an “excuse” to bring your group to the mixed group.
Just say: “Hmm, I dunno. Let’s ask these guys.”
And then lead your group into the mixed group and introduce everyone. Congratulations, you’re in. The guys probably already like you, because you brought women for them to meet.
WHY ARE MIXED GROUPS SO GREAT?
There are sooooo many reasons. I’ll start with the three biggest:
- You can get serious points in a woman’s eyes for having the balls to do what I just told you.
- It’s way easier to get her home at the end of the night. Women often drive to the club together (and leave together). Mixed groups usually arrive and leave separately.
- Her male friends are usually less judgmental than her female friends. In other words, she won’t worry as much about being seen with you (a new guy), going home with you, etc.
See why you need to be approaching mixed groups?
DEALING WITH THE OTHER GUYS – THE BOYFRIEND
Find out right away how everyone knows each other when you’re doing introductions. If it doesn’t come out naturally, just ask:
“So, how do you guys all know each other?”
If her date or boyfriend is there and hovering, be realistic. Your goal should be getting her contact info so you can see her again, when he’s not there.
(Okay, you can get more that night. It’s hard, but doable. I’m not always proud of it, but it’s something I’ve done more than a few times. The more people in her group and the more high-energy the environment, like a concert, the easier it is for the two of you to slip away. But, that’s a little advanced for this newsletter.)
The great thing about limiting your goals is it makes them really easy to achieve, even with her date standing right there.
Don’t shove your phone into her face and ask for her number. It has to happen “naturally.” And, it doesn’t have to be a phone number specifically.
For example, take a group picture, and then get everyone’s email addresses so you can send them the picture.
Or, if a boyfriend suddenly appears and is about to take her away, you can even say “give me your email so I can send you that picture” even if there never was one.
You can also just ask for her facebook. Don’t write it down right away; remember it until you can get to your phone. It’s still reasonably okay for a woman to give out her facebook to a man in front of her boyfriend, where it wouldn’t be as okay to give her phone number.
In general, be creative and listen for opportunities. It’s the same process as if you meet a woman when you’re on a date. If you know what you’re looking for, the opportunities are easy to see. For example:
[Two minutes into a conversation]
Me: So, what do you do?
Her: I’m a musician, blah blah blah...
Me: That’s great. You’ll have to add me to your mailing list for when you have shows. My buddies and I love checking out new local bands.
Her: Well, we just started out; we don’t really have a fan list yet.
Me: Cool. I’ll text you my email and when you do get set up, just add me to the list. What’s your number?
Her: [Gives number]
A few hours later she was texting me telling me how sexy I was. I was still with my original date that night but she would have been totally willing to come over that night. All because I had the Social Intelligence to make it happen.
(Social Intelligence is one of the 8 attraction switches from Magic Bullets.)
OTHER GUYS – ORBITERS AND FRIENDS
A little different is when the other guy WANTS to be with her but isn’t. As long as this isn’t a “random guy” who met her five minutes before you did, treat him the same way you’d treat the boyfriend. Be cool, be friendly, but don’t suck up.
The difference is you can openly have her “come keep you company while you get a drink” or other excuse to get her away from the group so you can get to know her better. You don’t have to hide getting her phone number.
But, don’t rub it in his face. Even if she doesn’t want him, he can probably make the whole thing awkward enough that she sees you as more trouble than you’re worth.
Guys who AREN’T into her are your allies. Make them love you. Some guys will literally go out of their way to help you get with their friends. Still, don’t suck up to them, but show them value. Bring other women into the conversation (even after you’ve all met), spring for a round of drinks at some point, etc.
Other guys – no matter who they are – WILL probably mock your game if you do anything really awkward or obvious. Don’t use any routine from The Game or TV shows and be careful to make your stories sound true. (They should be true too, but that’s another issue. Even if they ARE true, they must also SOUND true.)
When other guys are around, definitely stick to the field-tested and proven routines from the Love Systems Routines Manual (get free chapters).
WHEN IT’S YOUR GIRL – PLAYING DEFENSE
How do you defend yourself against another guy using these techniques?
I hang out with beautiful women all the time. Most guys are too shy to approach when I’m there (some do), but as soon I turn my back for a second... wow.
Whether she’s your girlfriend or someone you’re dating, this is something I talk about a lot in my Relationship Management DVDs. I’d rather use this space for new stuff than repeating old stuff, so I’ll limit the repetition to the golden rule:
Don’t fight for what you already have.
You wouldn’t make a bet when the prize was $50 that’s already in your wallet, would you? Best case, you come out right where you started.
Same thing if you’re on a date. You start with the logistics in your favor – she is socially committed to hanging out with you for a while, and it’s just the two of you. Those are winning logistics. You don’t have to worry about all of that complicated stuff like getting her home when her friends are around, etc.
(For that “complicated stuff” there is no better guide than Love Systems’ very own Jeremy Soul on “Logistics: Taking Her Home.” Listen to the first ten minutes free!)
So, when you’re on a date and some other guy approaches, end that conversation. End it before he does what you’d try to do if you were approaching – get enough contact information to see her later. Definitely end it before he gets “in” enough to attach himself to your night.
What do I mean by that?
Let’s say he turns out to be from her hometown. Or works in the same field. Or goes to the same school. Or has the same hobby...
Now she wants to talk to him – whether or not she’s attracted yet – and you can’t as easily stop the conversation. Maybe then he brings his friends over. Now he’s part of your group.
Shut down the conversation before it gets to this point. The earlier the better. There’s a whole module on this in the Relationship Management DVDs on how to shut down other guys without losing value or appearing jealous. Watch some of the videos right now.
|Observations from a Los Angeles Bootcamp < Prev||Next > Use a Wingman to Get the Girl|
Dating Advice Video