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Ever wonder why some guys appear to just have natural game? The ability to know exactly what to say to women and it just flows naturally? We did, and we asked Love Systems dating coaches to explain how any guy can get "natural game" and get the girl!
Getting In State
Anyone who has been going out to meet women knows that sometimes you just seem to get “in the zone” when everything you do just seems to work for you and women seem to gravitate to you without you having to try. This often happens after a really positive and energetic day, or after you’ve felt yourself enjoying some new success. These things affect your emotional state, which is why we call this process getting (or being) “in state.”
[This is the same meaning of “state” as in Magic Bullets, Chapter 11 (Seduction) – but applied to a man’s emotional state when meeting women as opposed to a woman’s emotional state when out with a man. By the way, if you’re not using the avoid-blur-distract model of seduction from Magic Bullets you are probably not “closing the deal” nearly as often as you could be.]
Being in state is such a powerful advantage that we try to find ways of duplicating this feeling consistently instead of waiting for it to come along by chance.
The key ingredient - how to have fun!
The best way I find to get in state is by going out with a wingman and just focusing on having fun! When I'm out with my wing we are always laughing and playing around and the women are just a natural progression of the night and it's no big deal. Having this attitude which I genuinely have means I get into state in no time. How you interact with a wingman is one of the underused skills in dating science. Chapter 22 of Magic Bullets on winging gives you the basics.
Anyway, to get in state, I've noticed I'm always doing a combination of one or more of the following things: laughing, joking, engaging in witty banter and word play, singing, play wrestling with my wing, doing approaches, and more. Even getting blown out is funny and can put me into state if I've done something particularly ballsy which the person I was talking to was too reserved to appreciate.
State is a funny thing - if you feel you need it to get results it will elude you. Notice it's a tool, that's it, when you have it your results tend to go better, but just by approaching and putting yourself out there you're miles ahead of the competition plus you can have fun and interesting discussions with people without having to be on fire. When you have this attitude and I mean really have this attitude, state just flows naturally. Worrying about not being in state is the quickest way to guarantee you won't get there. Instead, realize that you don't need state, and it will come faster, but if it doesn't just chill because it's no big deal.
Also note that you should aim for state that comes from just putting yourself out there and having fun connecting with people, as opposed to state that comes from people validating you and laughing at your routines and lines. This will have a much more powerful effect on your night. This is also important to consistently achieve state, as you will not get it if it's always dependant on getting signs of interest from women, because your brain will get used to women’s reactions and will require stronger and more powerful reactions to permit yourself to get into state.
Now having said that I want to draw attention to things that can kill your getting into state:
State is a much more complex and individualized thing than we can completely solve in one article. It’s something that we have the chance to work with you on to find what you respond to and how to capture that feeling and duplicate it when you’re at a bootcamp or individualized training.
Rokker on Being "Natural" and Inner Game
Some people who follow what we do have talked about the distinction between “inner game” and “outer game.” Inner game relates to your confidence, attitudes, psychology, and so on, while “outer game” relates to your tactics and techniques. My book, Magic Bullets, is primarily focused on outer game and the Love Systems Routines Manual is even more so.
Today, we’re getting some of Rokker’s thoughts on inner game.
The problem with “inner game” as most people talk about it is that it’s full of platitudes. Be more confident! Be your best self! Be the person women are drawn to! Yeah, sure. Cool. How are we supposed to do that again? Wave a magic wand?
One of the reasons we tend to start teaching with outer game than inner game (we get to inner game in our bootcamps and our advanced one-on-ones) is that everyone knows you can’t get away with platitudes. When you come to our bootcamp and we teach you how to attract women and then we go out on the first night – either we’ve taught you how to do it or we haven’t. Obviously we’re successful, or we wouldn’t have the reviews or track record we do. I know this from experience – I teach at bootcamps now, but a couple of years ago, I was a student at one.
The interesting thing about outer game and inner game is that they reinforce each other no matter where you start. So even if someone has no confidence with women and I help improve his techniques so that beautiful women are attracted to him, his inner game will naturally improve. And if he improves his inner game, he will be even more congruent with the techniques and that will help his outer game.
So, don’t listen to anyone who tells you inner game is more important than outer game, or vice versa. They affect each other and will reinforce each other. So with that covered, let’s get into some things that have helped me with my inner game:
Act as if you’ve already achieved your goal
This is a super-important concept. If you want to develop your inner game, act like you already have it. Convince yourself that all women love you – or at least act like this was true. Carry yourself and act like you are already living in sexual abundance, and that attracting women is no big deal for you. Think about this concept. How do you think you'd act differently from how you are acting now, if you already had the amount of success with women that you are dreaming of? How would it change the way you perceive yourself?
Detach yourself from the outcome
Imagine you have two supermodels in your bed every night. How would that affect the way you act in the night club the same night? Much like I talked about acting as "if you are already there" in the last paragraph, the way you'd act knowing you had supermodels to come home to would be different than if you hadn’t been with a woman in three months. The difference is that when you have two supermodels in your bed regardless what happens in the night club then you don't care what happens in the nightclub. In other words, you have detached yourself from the outcome of every interaction that night. You don't stand or fall depending on the outcome of the night – and you definitely won't let the outcome shake or stir up your inner game. Savoy told me that when he was starting out, he would make sure he had a booty call set up for the end of the night so he didn’t feel outcome-based pressure.
Be in the moment
Getting out of your head and enjoying the moment is crucial to draw people into your reality and help you make the most of your inner game. This can be hard if your brain is overfull of theories and contingencies that you haven’t mastered . If you’re new, start with the chapter “what you need to know if you’re going out tonight” from Magic Bullets. Absorb content in bite-size chunks. It’s the guys who have read and watched and listened to everything under the sun before they’ve approached anyone that have the most trouble being in the moment.
For more advanced guys, that’s why we have the Advanced Interview Series. I think anyone who plans to get good at this stuff should subscribe to the interview series – each interview is manageable chunks of news you can use focused on one specific topic. So you get a month to digest and master each topic before moving on to the next one. And then when you’re ready for the next jump you can pick the next skill to master from our previous volumes.
Don't worry about what women think of you.
In fact, you shouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you. If you engage your inner game, you can't be afraid to put your personality on the line, and you can't get away with "putting up a little act." You've got to be truly attractive all the time, because it's something that you are supposed to be, not something you are doing or acting out.
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