Whether you're trying to plan the best first date or trying to date more women and improve your dating life, in this issue we asked dating coaches to cover many of these topics!
Don't be like any other guy who takes her on a boring movie date. Don't do that. Tell a woman she can "tag along" to stuff that you're already doing, or can arrange to have been already planning to do, with your cool friends. Remember, you need time to build comfort while keeping her attracted and challenged. We're going to teach you the exact opposite of "dating," because the Love Systems method has proven to be more efficient.
As a side note, one of the ways in which Love Systems is different is that we try to understand WHY something works, not just that it does. This is what leads us to far deeper insights than anyone else out there, and why the scientific community tends to endorse our ideas and virtually no one else's – even those who pretend to copy us. Check out some of the articles in our media section where skeptical journalists interview academics and researchers about us.
So, why DOES dating work this way? This requires some more insights into female psychology. It appears that many women, whether they know it or not, divide potential mates into five groups.
- Boyfriend/Husband track. She dates these men to find out if they are potential long-term boyfriends or husbands.
- Hookups. She is sexually involved with these men. She may or may not date them, but there is no commitment.
- Orbiters. She likes the attention from these men, but she is not considering making any of them her boyfriend or having regular sex with them. These men might get a makeout now and then, but are primarily useful for making her feel good about herself and raising her self-esteem.
- Just Friends. These guys are securely in the "Let's Just Be Friends" zone. Often because they didn't have the guts to go for it earlier in their interaction with her, removing their sex appeal. Magic Bullets has more detail about avoiding this trap.
- Losers. Enough said.
As usual, this is a generalization, as are all models of human behavior. It will not be accurate in every case. However, this model is also a powerful tool.
For example, most men who use Love Systems effectively are highly skilled at navigating themselves directly into the #2 (Hookup) zone. It's fun to be there. Most Love Systems instructors have stories to tell about women they're sleeping with texting or calling us while they are on dates with other guys, asking us to come over after their dates have dropped them off.
And, whether we like to admit it or not, most of us, before we discovered Love Systems, were probably in the opposite position, spending hours and hours trying to impress women who we never knew were on the phone making plans with other guys in the bathroom.
By the way – this does NOT mean she is evil or immoral. Yes, this behavior can be frustrating to men, but a lot of male behavior is frustrating to women also. It's actually quite a logical and effective strategy for many women to meet their needs.
Look at it from a woman's perspective. Say, an attractive, single, 27-year-old. Assume that she's looking for a long-term boyfriend or husband. She's not desperate or willing to lower her standards, but a few of her friends are getting married and her family is starting to give her questioning looks over the holidays. She's bored with going out with a group of friends to a bar and maybe meeting a hot guy and her fantasies revolve more around a great guy who makes her feel good about herself making her feel like she's "made it."
At the same time, she still needs fun, excitement, and, yes, physical intimacy. She's learned from experience that if she sleeps with a man early in an interaction with him, he is likely to treat her as a conquest and lose interest. So she doesn't sleep with the guys she's dating seriously, because she doesn't want them to lose interest. Hence the need for dating category number two.
Generally, the older and more socially experienced the woman, the fewer the number of "hookup men" she has. For a woman, sleeping with a new man is risky to her safety, health, and reputation and often less pleasurably sexually than sleeping with someone with whom she has some comfort. For all of these reasons, many women prefer to have one regular "sex friend" than a bunch of random strangers.
But what if you want her to be your girlfriend or wife? Does that mean you should go down the boyfriend/husband track and try to win her over that way?
A thousand times no.
- It's very difficult to tell if you're in the "boyfriend/husband track" or "orbiter track." You may be wasting a lot of time and money for nothing.
- #1/#3 game is harder to win than #2 game. There's always a guy who is richer, better looking, or has more in common with her. If you use Love Systems, there's no one with better "game."
- It's pretty easy to move from #2 to #1. And you can bypass the long courtship period because you're already sleeping with her.
- It's pretty tough to move in the other direction. If you're on the boyfriend/husband track and DO sleep with her, she's unlikely to accept your relationship going backwards to friends-with-benefits, at least not without a lot of drama.
So, what was the point of all that? Well, there are two lessons.
First, this explains why your primary objective is to begin a sexual relationship with a woman. THEN you can decide if you want to date her. Don't do it the other way around.
Second, it gives some background on dates. You absolutely want to set up dates that are consistent with the "Hookup" track than with "Boyfriend" or "Orbiter" tracks.
So, what makes a good date?
- Different. Something she hasn't done a million times with guys trying to be her boyfriend. They take her to dinner, shows, and coffee shops. You should take her shopping, Frisbee in the park, comedy clubs, and salsa lessons.
- Exciting. Something that takes her through a range of sensations or emotions. Notice with the examples above that she could be laughing/scandalized/amused at a comedy club. She could be out of breath/excited by playing Frisbee. She could be entranced/offended/excited/visually stimulated at a gallery opening. Etc. She's not likely to have this range of emotions sitting at a coffee shop talking with you. Or the last 10 guys who have taken her there. Or the 10 who will come after you.
- Your turf. Invite her to come along to something you are already doing and knowledgeable about. You will naturally assume the powerful, dominant position. Contrast A) her coming with you to your friend's exhibition where you know the gallery owner to B) your going out with her and her friends for drinks. In which scenario do you have the higher status? In which scenario do you have a better opportunity to make her chase you? In which scenario can you realistically build better jealousy plotlines? More social proof?
- Logistics. Plan the logistics so that it's reasonable for her to come to your house. For example, pick activities near where you live. Or if you're playing Frisbee, go home "to change." Or have her meet you at your place – that way her car will be there and you know that at some point you both will need to return back there.
- You. See her at a time when you'll be at your best. If you're tired and stressed on Tuesday afternoons because of your weekly meeting with your boss, don't go for happy hour with her on Tuesday. Pick a time when you'll be feeling good about yourself, not tired, and conversational and playful.
As many guys who are getting good at the game know, once you're on the date, you're usually in good shape. The trick is getting her from the date to your bedroom.
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