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Is She Up to Your Standards?

by Mr. M

The Importance Of Qualification

Many students at bootcamps get completely caught up on approaching and attracting girls (answering the question "how do I find a woman?"). While these are crucial steps, understanding qualification and the value of setting a qualifying context to the interaction is absolutely crucial not only for successfully getting a woman, but also for getting better with women generally. All very successful pickup artists and naturals I know use qualification extremely well.

Why is Qualification So Important / Powerful In Seduction?

Qualification is surprisingly easy to apply but few people actually understand why it's so powerful. On the surface, qualifying a woman allows her to feel that she is liked by you for deeper reasons (other than her looks). She thus feels validated and more strongly connected to you. However, the effect of qualifying goes far deeper than this.

Almost all seduction technology replicates techniques and mindsets that 'naturals' adopt. A 'natural' is a man who has the lifestyle, social status, ability and/or characteristics of a sexual selector - i.e. a man who can get beautiful women and is thus pre-selected by women. [For more information on Pre-Selection, see Chapter 3: Female Psychology in Magic Bullets]

If you were this type of man - a sexual selector - then you would naturally qualify women because good looks would become a simple prerequisite. It would take something more than a good body to impress you. Interestingly, if you are in this frame of mind where you are inherently judging the person, then you immediately assume higher value.

Qualifying someone properly is, therefore, a very powerful signaling mechanism that you are a high value sexual selector. It signifies to women that beauty, in your world, is common, and that you expect far more than just looks. Qualifying a woman, if done correctly, challenges her to meet your standards, thus flipping the frame and making you the selector. This is the power of qualification - if applied correctly it should validate them but also get them chasing you because you are the one being sought after. The woman has to prove herself to you.

I can't tell you how many situations I have been in when a woman has been falling all over herself to qualify to me. It's a beautiful feeling.

How To Qualify

Try to approach this from a very natural perspective. Ask yourself: what do you want in a woman besides looks? Does this woman meet your standards as a human being? In Magic Bullets, Savoy says, "Figure out what you really want in a woman, and then take this a step further by asking yourself how a woman who possessed those characteristics would present herself. Now, spend your Qualification phase looking for precisely that. For example, among other things, I value intelligence and education. I screen for this in qualification, by asking her about books she has read and movies she has seen." This is spot on. [Read more in Chapter 8: Qualification in Magic Bullets]

I personally ask the following questions in qualification:

  • 'Cool people are a dying breed. What do you do for fun?'
  • 'I get the feeling that your job doesn't completely fulfill you creatively. Do you have a passion outside of work?'
  • 'My ex used to say that there are two types of people in this world: boring and crazy. What's the most adventurous thing you've done lately?' (N.B. this is sometimes followed by - where's the craziest place you've had sex?')
  • 'So what do you want to be when you grow up?'
  • 'What would you say are your three best qualities?'

Importantly, do not show her you're interested directly after the response that they give. I always inquire deeper into the interest/topic/issue. Only when they say something unique should you actually show that you're interested (or reward and relate) - see below for more on this.

Common Mistakes

•Don't simply show active interest for anything she says while qualifying. Try and inquire a little bit deeper and get some unique information. Qualification is a form of connecting to the girl on a more emotional level. For example, if you say, "Are you adventurous?" and she says "Yes," don't just stop there! Ask her "So what's the most adventurous thing you've done lately?" When she describes it to you, only then reward and relate. The point is to make her work a little bit for your approval.

•Qualification can get boring if you're not asking questions. The crux point is this: the attraction phase is based more on wide rapport (i.e. multiple conversational topics, changing topics and transitioning incessantly). The qualification phase is based more on deep rapport (i.e. emotional connection, asking questions, reward and relating). [See the Emotional Progression Model for more on Transitions]

•Don't forget to escalate sexually during, and after, qualification. What I mean by sexual escalation is moving towards the kiss and/or establishing sexual interest and/or establishing that you are a sexual threat. It's fine to escalate during the qualification (in fact you should be doing this), but once you have actually qualified her, you definitely should escalate further. You can sexually escalate by any combination of the following: keeping strong eye contact ('bedroom' eyes), triangular gazing (shifting your gaze from her eyes to her lips), lowering your tonality, allowing conversation to gravitate towards sexual topics and keeping prolonged or more intimate touching (e.g. touch/hold her hands or touch the back of her neck if she is talking into your ear).

For more on Qualification, check out our Interview Series CD Vol. 8: Qualification with Vision and Sinn.

To see if Mr. M is teaching a program in your area, check out our schedule here.

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