The Easiest Way to Build Attraction... Push/Pull
- By Braddock, Love Systems Lead Instructor
1) Let’s get back to basics...
When most people see the name “Braddock” in this newsletter, they probably think of the breakthrough concepts that fellow Love Systems instructor Mr. M and I have developed - Inner Game and Social Circle Mastery.
That’s NOT what we’re going to be talking about today.
Today I want to circle back to the foundations – what I do week in, week out when I teach bootcamps. We’re going to work on some attraction techniques that you can use right away – try them tonight.
2) Getting Attraction - the building blocks to "get the girl"
At my bootcamps I teach that there are several different types of attraction:
- “State-based” attraction – powerful and immediate, but often “easy come, easy go”
- “Intrigue-based” attraction – deeper and equally powerful, usually more permanent
- “Warm and fuzzy” attraction – showing your softer side
The third is a bit trickier. Mr. M and I teach how to use this on our PUA Bootcamps, but it really requires some expert help to avoid turning “warm and fuzzy” into “lame and needy.” It’s a delicate balance and it’s not one-size fits all. We need to work with your individual identity to do this.
Today I want to give you some tools to get state-based attraction. This is probably the easiest kind of attraction to get.
3) State-Based Attraction
Let’s start with three core Love Systems principles:
- “Change her mood, not her mind.” (Source: Love Systems Relationship Management)
- “You can’t logic a woman into bed.” (Source: Magic Bullets)
- “Attraction is not a choice.” (Source: David Deangelo)
Does this mean women don’t use logic? Of course not.
What it means is that women will usually make EMOTIONAL decisions and LATER, use LOGIC to justify those decisions.
If you want to get a woman into you, then you must get her to choose you based on the emotions she is feeling, not based on random logical facts about you.
Many guys make the mistake of putting the cart before the horse by trying to bore the woman to death with random LOGICAL facts about who they are and how cool their lives are, before they have her emotionally invested.
These facts are great and will be helpful AFTER you have attraction, but never before.
One great way to build state-based attraction is what we call “push/pull.” Push/pull to me is the bedrock of flirting. If you get good at push/pull you can drive women wild.
The basic premise behind push/pull is going hot and cold over and over. The key here is to keep it playful. You can easily take push/pull too far by making her feel that you are just mean.
What I love about push/pull is that it helps you keep things balanced. Most guys are either too nice or too mean. They are either kissing ass or trying to act distant. Either one of these strategies will end in the same poor result.
One of the best explanations of push/pull was given to me by Mr. M. He said, “How did you get your dog to chase you when you were a little kid? You chased him and then you ran away.”
This is basically push/pull on the most surface level. You are going to flirt with the girl and just when she thinks she has you, you pull the rug out from under her by teasing her. Or, you tease her hard and get your friends laughing at her expense and then just before you take it too far, you drop a compliment on her or touch her so she knows that you are just flirting with her.
The message she should be getting over the course of the conversation should be something like: “I’m starting to like you... no I’m not, you suck. Wait, I like you again... now I’m not sure. Wow, you are pretty sexy... nope you’re annoying me again.” Etc...
(Don’t say that out loud to her. That’s the underlying message. I’m about to give you some example of what you ACTUALLY say.)
The easiest formula for push/pull is:
- Say something nice and then dovetail into a tease.
- Say something playfully mean and then dovetail into a light compliment.
- Call her out on something or tease her and then follow that with warm body language so she knows you are just flirting (I.E. a smile, a wink, squeezing her hand, etc.).
- Go really nice and build tons of rapport and then release the tension with a playfully asshole comment that undermines the compliment.
- Basically, Push/Pull = Nice mean, mean nice, wash, rinse, repeat.
A little while ago, I started recording some of my pickups. It makes me a better instructor on bootcamps (as well as giving me funny stories for my blog). It also gives me great material for real-life examples like these push/pull dialogues.
Most of these dialogues took place within minutes of first meeting.
Braddock Push/Pull #1 - Jessica
Jessica: “God, I’m sorry I’m late. My cab driver was an idiot.”
Braddock: “It’s cool. Was he a foreign guy or an American guy?”
Jessica: “I’m pretty sure he was foreign. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
Braddock: “It’s too bad you are a racist, because you are pretty cute.”
Jessica: “Haha!!! I’m not a racist!!!”
Braddock: “I’m pretty sure that you just called that cab driver a foreign idiot.”
Jessica: “HA! I did not!”
Braddock: “Jessica, you know what we call cab drivers where I come from?”
Jessica: “Oh my God, stop it!” (said while laughing)
Braddock: “You should really be more tolerant like me. The 1950s called; they want their beliefs back.”
(Two hours later after we have moved on from the joke...)
Braddock’s friends walk up.
Braddock: “Hey guys, you have to meet this girl. This is Jessica.”
Jessica: “Hi guys.”
Braddock: “Okay, Brian, aren’t you like 1/18 Polish or something foreign?”
Brian: “LoL... Yeah.”
Braddock: “Okay, well you will probably want to take a step back because Jessica is a hateful bigot.”
At this point, she wanted to jump in and defend herself, so I just smiled and hugged her. More push/pull in action.
Remember that you don’t have to push every time and you don’t have to pull every time. You use them as you need them.
Braddock Push/Pull #2 - Jamie
Jamie: “Do you like my new shoes?”
Braddock: (Said in tone as if thinking out loud) “Hmm... what answer is most likely to get me laid?” (Said in obviously overly excited voice) “Oh my God! Those are the coolest shoes I’ve ever seen!”
Jamie: “Oh my God! You are an ass.”
Braddock: “You know I think you’re hot; quit asking me about random pieces of your fashion.”
Braddock Push/Pull #3 - Sara
Braddock: “You drink Bud Light? Awesome, let’s get married.”
Sara: (Laughing) ”Okay.”
Braddock: “Sweet. But just so you know, I’m probably going to cheat on you with your friends, but they mean nothing to me. It’s just sex.”
Sara: “No way, I will divorce you!”
Braddock: “Okay, fine, because I want to make this work for the kids. But you have to cook me breakfast in bed from now on.”
Sara: “Fine, but you have to buy me expensive gifts every week.”
Braddock: “Deal, but only because you are amazing in bed.”
Braddock: “Wait do you smoke?”
Sara: “Yeah, only when I drink.”
Braddock: “Hmm... I may need to call a divorce attorney.”
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