Q&A: Play To Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

As LSI members know, we’ve been holding a bunch of free conference calls and Q&A sessions this year. With the last one, I committed to answering every question personally, and with only hundreds of the darn things left to go and an LSI to write anyway, I’m going to kill two birds with one stone and answer three of them here.

 
Hey Savoy,
 
I am probably older than most of the guys you talk to, but us older guys are in the game too. I just wish Magic Bullets had come out when I was a lot younger; I’m 47, in shape for my age, never been married and never plan to be either, and I like to date women in their 20s. I’ve had some success dating online, but when I go to clubs, I worry that people think I’m the creepy old guy. By the way, I don’t know if you know this, but you can use a lot of the routines from the PUA Routines Manual while chatting with girls online… 
 
-          H. S., Tupelo, MS
 
 
Dear H.S.,    
 
Thanks for the props.  I also wish Magic Bullets was around when I first started trying to improve my success with women. That’s part of the reason why I wrote it. Dating science is a massive field, and there is a lot to learn, but just because there is a lot of depth to the material doesn’t mean that the explanation has to be complex or filled with acronyms and invented terminology. Advanced concepts can still be explained in an understandable way.
 
About being older - older guys date younger women all the time. Here are some things to remember:
 
  • Play to your strengths, not your weaknesses. A younger woman is going to be interested in you because of some combination of your experience, maturity, sophistication, class, status, wealth and so on. The things an older man traditionally brings to the table. Expose her to that side of you. Be the best 47 year old that you can be. Don’t be a wannabe 25 year old and try to be a pop culture critic, Facebook maven, or trendy hipster. If she’s beautiful, she has plenty of younger men interested in her already who will do this more authentically than you can. This doesn’t mean you should deliberately create a generation gap with her. Don’t be negative or totally ignorant about things that are an important part of her life; you should still be able to understand and be relevant to her world. Just don’t try to be 25. 
 
  • Reframe. The issue in your head shouldn’t be whether you are young and hip enough for her; it should be whether she is mature and classy enough to roll with you. Be a challenge. As you know from Chapters 3 and 7 of Magic Bullets, being Challenging is one of the eight key attraction triggers that will get any woman’s attention. 
 
  • Pick your venues. Sure, you can get away with going to a big top-40 nightclub to meet women, but your inner game will have to be good, or you will be constantly reminding yourself that you are 20 years older than everyone else there. But you won’t be at all out of place in upscale lounges, hotel bars, trendy restaurants, and other places where young beautiful women also go (and expect to meet older men). Still, if you like clubs, by all means keep going... the same tips in the first bullet point apply here. Don’t be the out-of-place old guy. Dress and look like the club owner.    
 
Hope this helps. Drop me a line if I’m missing anything!
 
Savoy
 
 
 
Savoy,
 
How do you keep track of what you’ve told women? Ever since I got the PUA Routines Manual, I’ve been a demon. I know there’s no magic pill, but this is the closest thing. It takes all the thinking out of the game; all I have to do is remember how different routines go, say them, and watch the effect. But there are hundreds of routines in the book and sometimes I don’t remember what I’ve already said so I might see a girl again and start using the same routine. You guys must have so many women around, how do you avoid this?
 
-          Brian S., Maple Ridge, B.C.
 
 
Dear Brian,
 
This really shouldn’t happen, for a lot of reasons.
 
You realize that the routines in the PUA Routines Manual are organized by section, right? They start with “openers” – routines that will start a conversation with a woman you don’t know, and go through Transitioning, Attraction, Qualification, Comfort, all the way to Seduction. These phases come in order. So there’s no real need to be running lots and lots of Attraction routines when you’re already in Comfort. The PUA Routines Manual is really meant to be used with Magic Bullets. Magic Bullets gives the structure and overall framework, and the PUA Routines Manual fills it in. 
 
Also, no matter how much fun and success you are having just using the routines in the PUA Routines Manual word-for-word, I promise you that you will have even more fun and more success when you start using these routines as examples and guides for creating your own. That’s why every section of the book explains how each routine works and the most important part of the book is a step-by-step guide to making your own. Once you’re able to create your own routines, and, subsequently, to improvise them, you won’t have this problem.
 
But in any case, how big of a problem is it really? If I run into some friends and I tell them the same story I told them a few days ago, they’ll either let me know or they’ll listen to it politely, but it won’t be a big deal. 
 
Finally, if you’re determined to avoid all of this advice and take the absolute easiest way out, one trick is to make the time period for your routines vague. Normally, it’s good to tell a story about something that happened “today.” It’s immediate and it justifies itself as a reason for the story to be told. But if you’re worried about repeating yourself, you can still tell “today” stories the first time you meet someone, but after that switch to things that happened “the other day.”
 
Good luck,
 
Savoy
 
 
 
Dear Savoy,
 
Right before New Years, a friend loaned me his copy of Magic Bullets. For such a thorough book I was really happy that there was a chapter at the front on “If You’ve Only Got 20 Minutes to Learn this for Tonight” (or something like that) because I’m not a big reader and I probably wouldn’t have gotten started otherwise. So, get this, I took home a lingerie model my first night using the Emotional Progression Model.  I didn’t quite get to sex, but got close enough that I am hooked. I found your interview downloads and have already listened to the one on Seduction and just downloaded Storytelling and Humor which I hope to get to before this weekend..
 
When I called the lingerie model a few days later, she seemed really surprised to hear from me, but we basically spent almost all of Friday night together. Why is this? I haven’t dated a lot of models before (but I sure will now, haha); do they expect it to be one night only? We talked for a few minutes and everything is okay but it still made me wonder.
 
-      R. W., Huntingdon Beach, CA
 
 
Dear R.W.,
 
Glad you’re having success. I hope you enjoy the interviews – both I and the other instructors have been talking up the interview series for a while – it’s a little advanced for a lot of guys, but if you’re getting decent results, a subscription to the interview series is the best way to inspire and turbo-charge your game. At $24.99 a month, it’s a great value (you can subscribe here). Or if you’ve got a sticking point and want instant expert help, you can browse the catalogue of old interviews and download what you need to get to the next level instantly (get all of that at www.lovesystems.com/audio/).
 
Now for the specifics of your question. No, there is no Union of Beautiful Models that enforces criteria on how surprised their members should be when their hookups call them. It has far more to do with her individual personality and by the expectations that you set.
 
I do a lot of Relationship Management coaching – I should have the Relationship Management DVD course out in a few weeks – and one of the cardinal rules is that relationship management begins before you sleep with her. In your case, if you pushed things physically more quickly than you were driving your relationship forward emotionally, it might have given her the impression that it was a one night thing for you. You also weren’t clear on how many days it was before you called her, but if it was more than one or two, you weren’t giving off signals that you were interested in taking it further.
 
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about this yet. If this turns out to be a consistent problem and you’re wanting more than one-night stands and not getting it, then re-read Chapter 11 (Relationships) of Magic Bullets, especially the section on signaling. It’s an easily-correctable issue. But for right now, I would focus on being able to consistently repeat your success. Even if you want a long-term girlfriend, do this from a position of strength – of knowing you can consistently attract beautiful women, not of thinking that you lucked out once and quit when you were ahead.
 
Take care,
 
Savoy
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