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*** READER QUESTION***
How do you get through to the “ice princess” who is always on her game, always says and does the right thing, always looks perfect, and intimidates every man she meets?
Some background on me: I’m 31, single. On New Year’s Day this year, I decided to change my life. No more baby steps, no more doing a little bit and getting nowhere except closer to 40.
I’ve been concentrating on Social Circle Mastery because I work nights and don’t really go to nightclubs. I’m not perfect at it yet, but you would be proud, I’ve gone on dates with some gorgeous, intelligent, interesting women I would NEVER have even met before (and definitely never would have dated).
I’ve just broken into a new social circle, a bunch of grad students at the college here. One in particular is the classic “ice princess” and is obviously at the top of the group. I know from Social Circle Mastery that waterfall theory says I shouldn’t get with anyone else in the group until I get with her, but I am having a terrible time getting her interested. Other girls in the group (some are HOT) have shown interest in me. Should I keep fishing or cut bait?
- Sam R., Durham, NC
*** RESPONSE ***
Fantastic question. This answer might be a lil long, but I want to hit it from a couple of different directions.
First, this reminds me of something my girlfriend said to me once. She’s a classic 10 – tall, blonde, former model, etc. - and comes off as unapproachable a lot. Here’s what she said once about being the hottest girl in the room:
- “When I go out with my friends, like we’re sitting at a table, you can completely see men looking over, nudging each other, looking over again. It’s weird and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, there aren’t that many men actually talking to us, they’re just looking. Finally, someone gets drunk enough that his friends push and push and he’ll walk over, but because he’s so drunk, he’s not very interesting to talk to, so he gets blown off. Everyone else sees that, so they think we’re the unapproachable bitches. This happens a lot.”
(Sort of like the Swedish girls in Adam’s Brown’s book about today’s pick up artists - Myths and Masters of the Game – great book, by the way.)
So my first question to you is whether she is REALLY unapproachable or whether you are just intimidated.
Here’s another secret about beautiful women. Most of them just want to be treated like a normal person. What most men do is put her on some crazy pedestal and suck up to her like crazy. They don’t even bother to get to know her. And when she turns him down, she knows half the time he is going to get mad from a lifetime of rejection from beautiful women and call her a bitch.
(To try to get that feeling yourself, imagine a beggar following you down the street giving you compliments. You know you don’t deserve them. You know he just wants something from you. You know he’s going to be unpredictable when he realizes he’s not going to get it. Now imagine that this happens to you 10 times a day, every day.)
That’s why things like humor and teasing are so important in attraction. They make her feel good, sure, but they also show her that you can treat her like a normal person.
By doing this, you also show her:
- That beautiful women don’t intimate you (confidence)
- That you’ve probably had beautiful women in your life before (pre-selection)
- That you can handle yourself in social situations (social intelligence)
Shit – that’s three of the eight attraction switches right there.
If this stuff is new to you, I’d really recommend you check my interview on Female Psychology. Just click that link; the first 10 minutes will start playing immediately.
As a final thought, here’s something I wrote a couple years ago:
- Some extremely beautiful women have an amazing psychological challenge to keep their head on straight. From an early age, they learn many rules don’t apply to them. Men will give them access to high-status social events, money, and excitement that most women their age never get. This can raise a woman’s self-esteem if she takes these things seriously, or lower it if she doesn’t feel she deserves them.
Beautiful women can find themselves irrationally hated by other women, and other people often treat them as if they are one-dimensional sex objects. Unless they have strong personalities or strong family and peer networks, many extremely attractive women end up a little bit loopy. Some pretty women think they are bombshells. Some bombshells think they are average. Some actually think they are ugly and focus on their perceived flaws.
Moreover, a woman’s value can change quite rapidly based on her social context. Put an attractive female in a room full of plain women and she may feel beautiful. Put her in a room full of supermodels and she may feel average. She may feel beautiful again if she gets a job waitressing at a trendy club and routinely flirts with high-value men – until she gets off work. A new outfit or a haircut may raise a woman’s value. Seeing her ex-boyfriend with a beautiful woman may lower it. And so on.
All of this goes to show that just because you think she’s beautiful, never treat her like she’s out of your league. Show her the opposite – put yourself at her level or above – and she’s just as likely to follow your lead.
Quoted from the Magic Bullets Handbook, Chapter 7.
*** READER QUESTION ***
I have one problem with your material, you have no way to tell if a woman is underage before you use Love Systems. When will you fix this?
- “I”, Tokyo, Japan
*** RESPONSE ***
Well no. We also don’t talk much about remembering to wear a condom or about looking both ways before you cross the street, either. Some things are just common sense.
If you haven’t had a lot of success with women, you might have gotten into the habit of “date any woman who will date me” or “sleep with any woman who will sleep with me.” But now that you have Love Systems, you should be a lot more selective. YOU are the one who chooses now. Stay away from jailbait.
(OK, if you’ve really got a borderline case, find some game where you get to see her ID. Show her your awful driver’s license photo, then grab hers. Or take her somewhere where she will have to show her ID anyway, like a bar or an event you have to register for.)
NB: By the way, it’s not just jailbait to watch out for. Keep a filter for psychos and bad situations too. When I was living in Slovakia many years ago, I hooked up with a girl after a party and walked her back to her apartment. She wouldn’t let me come up, so we literally had sex with her pressed up against the wall, on the street. As the sun came up. Where anyone could see. Then I asked if I could come up and shower. She told me no, she was worried about her boyfriend finding out. And that boyfriend happened to be – well, the name I’ve long forgotten, but he was the #2 guy in the Albanian mafia there. This, by the way, was the first mention of said boyfriend. And both of our necks were covered in hickeys and we worked together.
I left the country three days later. True story.
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Hope this latest mailbag helps! Follow my blog and Facebook for more Q&A.
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