Qualification is the inverse of attraction. By the time we get to qualification, we've already opened, transitioned, and made our target woman attracted to us. Now, and not before, we can express interest in her.
Expressing interest in a woman isn't as easy as it sounds. Some cardinal rules:
Qualification helps get her to like you because it shows her that you like her for reasons deeper than attraction.
- Stay away from expressing interest in her based upon her looks. An attractive woman has heard it before. A less attractive woman won't believe you. Besides, "complimenting her looks" is the same boring tactic that every other guy has used. Find another reason why she has "won you over."
- Use the qualification process as an opportunity to convey even more value and establish a genuine connection. Put yourself in a woman's shoes and ask how you would choose between a guy who (A) told you he liked you because you have a nice body or (B) told you he liked you because you have a great energy, and you both love opera and mountain biking? It works for guys too. Which woman would you choose, one who says "you're rich - I love that" or "you're fascinating - I love that?"
- Make her work for it. Seduction is a game, and women want to play too. Don't take away her fun of seducing you. In addition, if she is able to win you over too quickly, she will think that you don't have a lot of options, or that you are not very choosy, or that she is of a higher quality than most women you meet. If she believes any of those things, you are no longer "the prize." You can get some women without being "the prize" but not the most desirable ones.
This all adds up to the fact that we have to make the woman attract you. Just as you spend time "attracting" her, now you have to let her win you over.
That sounds easy, and the problem here probably isn't what you are expecting. The problem is that most women are terrible at attracting men using anything other than their looks. The more beautiful the woman (and therefore the more necessary it is to find something other than her looks to be interested in), the less she will be used to using anything else. This was one of our more frustrating discoveries over the past 13 years while developing this model.
The solution we've found is to 'help' a woman attract you. We have a ton of tactics for this that we go over in our bootcamps, but one that's easy-to-use to get you started is called "Bait-Hook-Reel-Release."
BAIT: Here we use universal, general questions or hoops to "bait" her into saying something that you interpret as being an attractive quality. It's like giving her a test that she'll win every time. For example, asking someone "what would you want to be, if you could do anything you wanted?" is a good "bait" question, since everyone will have an answer to this, and you can arbitrarily interpret any answer as being very positive.
HOOK: Let's say that she'd want to be an actress. That's the hook. You will treat her answer here as a reason why you are attracted to her.
REEL: Now we reel her in with something like "No way! You want to be an actress? That's awesome! I really respect people who have the balls to get on stage and perform for others. You know, your first impression kind of sucked; but now that I've gotten to know you, I think you're incredible."
RELEASE: After we reel her in by complimenting her, she will feel uncomfortable if you do not "release." This is the final part of the qualification. You do this by slightly disqualifying her. Continuing with our example, you might say something like "You are trouble for me, now that I know that about you. You're amazing. I can't even talk to you." And then start to turn or move away. Done correctly and naturally (it will come off as fake the first few times you try it, don't worry, keep practicing), she will chase after you like you've never seen. On our workshops, guys who have never gotten hit on by women in their lives get this glow in their eyes when, all of sudden, attractive women are pursuing them.
You may need to go through this process a couple of times over different qualities to fully accomplish qualification. Make her qualify herself based on more than one good quality that she has. Try not to make it blatantly obvious; weave the bait-hook-reel-release module into natural, normal conversation here. And don't forget the "release" step - that's where a lot of guys make mistakes.
Once you've gone through the process, you're done with the whole ATTRACTION module. Next, you'll be ready to move into comfort.
I have to admit, writing a short "advanced section" for qualification is hard. This is the hardest phase of the whole game. I'll give a few nuggets of "advanced" advice here, but realize that there's a lot more to it than this.
- So far, we focused mostly on the verbal portion of qualification. There is also a crucial non-verbal component. Your body language must match your explicit language. When you bait, you are neutral, even slightly dismissive. When you hook and reel, you give her your full attention and SHOW how interested you are. When you release, do it solidly, so she FEELS the change in the attention and validation she is getting.
- The "bait" doesn't have to be a question. It's more natural and fluid (though harder to pull off) to bait her with a statement that she responds to. For example, instead of "what would you like to be, if you could do anything?" try "I really love home-cooked meals, especially Italian." If she's into you from the attraction phase, she can "hook" by talking about the great lasagna she makes.
- Don't confuse the qualification phase with real qualification. You still haven't known her for long enough (remember, we're about 15 minutes into an interaction here) to actually make decisions about her yet. This is all a game so far. In comfort is when you decide whether you like each other. Right now you're just flirting.
- Magic Bullets
- Savoy's Relationship Management DVD Course
- Interview Series Volume 6 - Identity
- Interview Series Volume 8 - Qualification
- Interview Series Volume 24 - Jealously Plotlines
- Interview Series Volume 34 - Female Psychology
- Interview Series Volume 37 - Issues in Qualification
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