Attraction is the stage in which we get women interested in us. We create attraction. Read that last sentence again. We CREATE attraction. This is a fundamental difference between Love Systems and other techniques.
We were not, and are not, satisfied with simply improving our attractiveness to women and recognizing when an individual woman is interested in us (although this is important and we will discuss it below). Rather, one of our breakthroughs is in how we've learned to take a woman who initially is "emotionally neutral" towards us, and relying on female behavioral patterns, trigger the right emotional switches that cause her to be both interested and attracted.
So, how do you start attraction? Simple, you jump straight into attraction as soon as you spot an opportunity from the opener. You don't even need to finish your opener. For example, you might have approached a group and asked for an opinion on something (e.g., "my friend over there, she wants to dye her hair blonde, what do you think?"). There's no value to you in an extended conversation about your "friend's" hair. So, as soon as you can, you'll want to transition by saying something like "hey, that reminds me..." and jump into a piece of attraction material. Attraction material can be a story, a specific conversational thread, a routine, or any other technique to build attraction. We discuss these more below.
Guys who are new to Love Systems often question how we can jump between unrelated pieces of material. If you approach a group of people asking about your friend's hair, and then start telling them about something that happened to you earlier that day, you may feel that it's strange or awkward. Trust us here (or, better still, go out and try). Most people - especially women - don't care if there is little obvious relationship between different conversational threads, as long as they are entertained. Think about a professional comedian. His or her jokes will be grouped into certain subjects, but these subjects are rarely related. So, after a couple of jokes about, say, airlines, he or she will tell a couple about some movie star. They're not connected, but we don't notice or care. We're entertained and interested. If you feel shy doing this at first, you can slip in a meaningless connector like "that reminds me..." or "that's just like when..." However, in time, you'll realize that these too are unnecessary.
To recap: the moment you change the subject from your opener to something new, you're in attraction. Now your job is to create attraction from the woman in whom you are interested.
Two key building blocks for this are Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHVs) and Teasing.
A DHV is simply a demonstration that you are "better than the other guys." You have a higher value than they do. Most men instinctively understand this- this is why they try to work out, dress nice, have money, achieve social status, etc. Some men will also attempt to put other men down, so that they look better by comparison.
While this stuff helps, it's ultimately a limited strategy. First, there will always be someone better looking, better dressed, richer, and more successful than you. Second, the most desirable women already have tons of guys in their lives that are sufficiently good looking, well-dressed, rich, and successful working to get their interest. It will take more than the above described to win their interest in you.
So this is where we DEMONSTRATE that we have higher value. How do we do this?
- Storytelling is a crucial tool in your arsenal. You MUST learn how to entertain and keep a group's interest through the telling of a story. Good storytelling is also necessary for effective sub-communication (the next in our list of DHVs), and is prized as a valuable social skill. This is why it's essential that you plan and practice your stories.
- Learn how to have a good hook line (e.g., "Do drunk I love yous count?").
- Learn how to leave open threads for your audience to ask about (e.g., "I was in Japan last week, and all over Tokyo there are these machines that look like they sell soft drinks, but it's actually like 50 flavors of milk. And you don't put coins in them, you use your cell phone to dial a drink..."). The open thread here of course is "what were you doing in Japan?"
- Learn how to seek input for your stories in "safe ways" that don't risk derailing the intention of your story. For example, if you are telling a story about your nephew, you might start with "My 8-year old nephew Samuel did the funniest thing this morning. You like kids right? [wait for "yes" answer and then continue] Well, anyway, so here's what happened..."
- LIVE the story. This is the most important principle of storytelling. If you are telling a story about a friend's party, you have to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything that you're talking about. Express emotion. Be interested in what you're talking about, or there is no chance that anyone else will be. Take your new friends on a journey with you through your story.
- Sub-communication is the crucial art of communicating something about you, without appearing to be "trying" to communicate it. This does NOT have to be verbal. Not showing signs of interest in a beautiful woman (yet) will sub-communicate that you have and have had beautiful women in your life and that you are not phased by her beauty. Or it can be verbal, often combined with storytelling.
- Here's an example of part of a longer story, which I've exaggerated for effect: "My ex-girlfriend just picked me up at the airport tonight, and instead of her Audi she was driving a Maserati all of a sudden. It was too funny – I tried to pretend that I didn't notice, and then like 100 yards outside the airport, we get pulled over. She didn't tell me until afterwards that they'd just given her the car for a photo shoot she was doing, so when the cop lights came on, I was totally wondering what was up. Finally, I whispered to her: "Karen, if in the last three days you'd become a drug baron and were on the FBI hit list, you'd tell me right?"" Etc.
- In that story, we learn all sorts of things about the narrator. Most of these things, if he said them directly, would come off as bragging and would LOWER his value. But instead, because he sub-communicated them instead of communicated them, they RAISE his value. Here's a quick list of some things that got communicated:
- He has an ex-girlfriend. He's not a total loser.
- He is close enough to his ex-girlfriend that she would pick him up at the airport.
- He has a lifestyle where he travels (he's coming from the airport).
- His ex-girlfriend has an Audi. This doesn't necessarily give her a ton of value, but it gives her a little bit - which gives you a bit of value by implication.
- His ex-girlfriend does photo shoots. She must be attractive.
- His ex-girlfriend does the kind of photo shoots where they'd give her a Maserati for the day as part of it. She must be very attractive.
- The key to sub-communication is to make it subtle. A useful pattern is to be talking about something OTHER than what you are trying to sub-communicate. For example, in the story above, the purpose of the sub-communication is to tell the group that you are attractive to desirable women. However, the story is about getting pulled over by the police.
- Use common sense and err on the side of too much subtlety, not too little. Don't be the guy who says "So I was at my accountant's office today, trying to figure out how much in taxes I owe on the $50 million I earned last year, when he spilled orange juice on the rug. Did you know orange juice stains don't come out?" Stay far, far, away from this.
- Also be aware of WHAT you are sub-communicating. The following things, if sub-communicated effectively, tend to be attractive to most women:
- Social Intuition
- Status (especially being the leader of men)
- Pre-selection (other attractive women want you)
- Interactive DHVs
- An interactive DHV is where you SHOW the group that you have higher value through something you are doing then and there. For example, making people laugh, telling them something interesting, teaching them something, or doing anything that shows that you are a cool guy is in itself a DHV.
Teasing is a very powerful tool. You simultaneously raise your social value relative to hers, while apparently disqualifying yourself as a potential suitor for her. Guys that hit on her simply don't do this kind of thing. She'll know it and her friends will know it. The fact that you are clearly NOT hitting on her sub-communicates several things:
- It makes you a challenge. When every other guy fawns over her but you aren't won over yet, it's more fun for her to try to get your attention and 'convert' you than it is to play a game that's already won.
- It gives you higher value. If you're not hitting on her, you must have other women in your life. Perhaps these women are more attractive and desirable than her. This reflects very well on you.
- It disarms her friends. If people in her group think you are obviously hitting on her, they may try to pull her away or make you look bad in front of her. If you are just a cool, fun guy who doesn't have any obvious interest in her, they'll be inclined to accept you, or even help you later.
Overdoing it can come off as hostile or arrogant, which is unattractive.
Teasing must also be delivered appropriately. Drawing too much attention to them will make them awkward. Forcing her to react to them may make her feel defensive or shy. Teasing is best delivered as a sidebar conversation to whatever conversation you are currently having, preferably with someone else. For example, if you approach two women, Amy and Brandi, and you are interested in Amy, you may be telling them both a story, and, while focusing slightly more of your attention on Brandi, suddenly tease Amy. Without pausing to let a conversation about this develop (and derail your original conversation) you smoothly continue with what you were talking about before, leaving Amy feeling a little bit more insecure around you and wanting your approval, but without putting Amy on the spot and forcing her to say something negative back to you - which would be unhelpful. Brandi, meanwhile, who is tired of standing around while men try to seduce her more attractive friend, will approve of you more for not being like everyone else.
Just like opening, with attraction it is just as important to know when to leave it. Again, the answer is "as soon as you can." A sneak preview of qualification is that you get the woman to hit on you - to win you over. Every once in a while, test to see if she's ready to do this. Ask her "so, what's your story?" or something similar and see if she starts trying to tell you good things about herself. If she does, you're in qualification.
There is a better way to track your progress through attraction than just simply seeing if she is ready to move into qualification. You should look for, and be aware of, indicators of interest (IOIs). These are things that women do when they become interested in a man. Here's an incomplete list to start with:
- She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking.
- She giggles.
- She touches you.
- She plays with / tosses her hair.
- She asks you for your name or any other personal questions (e.g., age, where you live, etc.).
- She disagrees with you but laughs when she does.
- She compliments you on anything.
- She asks if you have a girlfriend or mentions your girlfriend, whether or not you've said you have one.
- She calls you a player or a heartbreaker.
- She introduces you to her friends.
- Her friends go somewhere (to the bathroom, dance floor, wherever) and she stays talking to you.
Once you have a couple IOIs, you are definitely ready to try to move to qualification.
Another important element of attraction is timing. You can't attract and be dismissive of her forever. After a while, she might conclude that you are simply never going to be interested in her (in which case, a continued interaction would only make her feel bad about herself, unnecessarily lowering her self esteem) or that you lack the self-confidence to be open to meeting new people. Attraction should only take a few minutes - and only in extreme cases go to 20-25 minutes. After 25 minutes, if you don't have any signs of interest, you likely never will.
Also, don't confuse interest/attraction with victory. Getting someone interested is very easy. Getting someone to act on this interest is much harder. Don't be satisfied with small wins.
- Magic Bullets
- Routines Manual Volume 1
- Routines Manual Volume 2
- Interview Series Volume 2 - Introduction to Attraction
- Interview Series Volume 9 - Using & Creating Routines
- Interview Series Volume 23 - Cold Reads
- Interview Series Volume 24 - Jealousy Plotlines
- Interview Series Volume 34 - Female Psychology
- Interview Series Volume 35 - Humor
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