"In some conversations, I do the majority of the talking. Meaning, I start a conversational thread, we talk about it for a bit and then it dies down. I start up a new one and the same thing happens. Sometimes the women give one word answers and invest little into the conversation. I'm not getting the indicators of attraction that I want. I will ask them a question, they will answer, but then that's it."
All Love Systems Master Instructors post and reply regularly on The Lounge, and veteran dating guru Tenmagnet got to this one first. If you'd really like to learn how to get a girl to like you, you should checkout some of Tenmagnet's material.
If you're having problems attracting a girl, it's usually because of something you're doing wrong earlier in the interaction. There are a few things you might be doing wrong:
1) Being too "gamey." MORE IS NOT BETTER when you're talking about PUA routines. Too many can get weird pretty quickly.
Attraction routines are great for when you get stuck - when you don't know what to say next. But what really generates attraction is when you demonstrate confidence, humor, etc., and of course great body language and non-verbal communication. If you're not demonstrating these things (or the other attraction switches from Magic Bullets), you're not generating attraction, attraction routine or not.
Solution: You want to engage the people in her group, make them laugh, generate a bit of attraction and then CHILL. That is to say, once you HAVE attraction, you need to move forward to the next step in the Love Systems Triad (click here for the free download). If you keep trying for more attraction you will blow it.
2) Being weak on the opener/conversation starter. If your opener is weak, you'll usually see the effects about a minute or two in. Opening poorly can make it very hard to get attraction.
If your first line sounds nervous, awkward, too eager, or like you're reading a script, or if she's seen you wandering around the last 15 minutes getting the courage to approach her... well, you risk getting the kind of reaction you described a couple of minutes later when you try to continue the conversation.
Solution: Practice your openers, practice making them spontaneous, invent your own openers, and above all else, HAVE FUN when you're out, and make that energy infectious. [NS: Braddock's Blog has a great new post about this - click this link]
3) Giving up too early. Some women will giggle and be all over you when they're attracted - many will not. Some women are bad conversationalists, some are shy, and some have bad "game" themselves and mess things up when they are attracted.
Indicators of attraction (the "tells" or "giveaways" that women do without knowing it that show when they are attracted to someone, listed in Magic Bullets) are guidelines, not a straightjacket.
Solution: Don't be too strict in worrying about the lack of indicators of attraction - if they're not coming but you're having a good conversation, keep moving forward along the Love Systems Triad Model and see what happens. Don't bail just because a woman isn't giving you strong "I like you" signals.
There's another thing to think about too - the overall "vibe" of the room. A lot of the time, the women I approach early in the night are friendly enough, but chemistry doesn't come easily.
You can do really well for yourself by bailing from those approaches after a couple of minutes - on a high note - and re-opening at midnight when the girls have had a chance to relax, be social, and see you having a great time around the bar, attracting her can be easier then. Attracting a girl can be difficult, but you stand a much better chance when following this advice.
- Chris Shepherd
(Tenmagnet) has been a senior Love Systems instructor since 2006. His contributions range from the Physical Progression Model of the Love Systems Triad to innovative work on dates, anti-flaking, humor, state, and everything in between.
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