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My question for you is this: what do I do when the woman I want to talk to is with other men? How do I get rid of them to get to the girl?
- B.K., Cherry Hill, NJ
It sounds like you're off to a good start. But before I answer your specific question, I want to talk about your mindset. You talk about "getting rid" of the men in her circle. Maybe that is what you should be doing in a specific situation, but probably it's not. She will value you less if you do not appear to have the ability to get along with - for example - her brother, sister's boyfriend, coworker, or even a platonic male friend. If you appear to disrespect any of these men, that will make it extremely difficult for you to leave a lasting, positive impression on the woman you want to meet. In the long-term, you also don't want to deal with the fact that your girlfriend's friends all hate you.
Most of the time, the best strategy is to befriend the other men. This does not mean kissing up to them, but it does mean treating them with respect. Imagine that you are at the park with your younger sister. What would a man have to do for you to want him to go out with her later, or at least for you to be neutral about it? One trick – imagine the guy is your best friend. Act toward him like you'd act around your best friend, and you might draw him into that frame. Sports, movies, and music are good sources of conversation with other men.
Now, that being said, how does opening what we call a "mixed set" differ from opening an "all-girl set?"
Beyond that, mixed sets are remarkably similar to all-girl sets. Most of the top men in the field prefer mixed sets, since the presence of other men in the group gives them a chance to use tactics and material that doesn't work as well in all-girl sets.
Hats off to you. I've read where one of your instructors said that "enthusiasm is contagious" but it's hard to describe what good enthusiasm, as opposed to manic energy, looks like without actually seeing it. Anyway, I had a major realization that most guys are boring and lack energy when meeting people.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but HOW do you get your energy level up so that this happens naturally?
A.L., Exeter, U.K.
It takes practice to get yourself into this mindset. Beyond practice, here are some tips:
As always, there's no substitute for practice and feedback. It's one more thing to keep in mind, but don't let it stress you too much. As you become more comfortable with Love Systems, you'll be less worried about "what to say next" and have more space to work on body language.
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