I had a question about the line "No you don't; you’re attracted to me." I don’t understand how it would be effective if the girl genuinely says "Nice necklace, where'd you get it?" and I respond saying that. Second question: What’s a good way to respond to an indicator of interest such as "You're cute." I’ve heard of things to say like "Why are you special?"
This is essentially a question about responding to compliments early on in an interaction. The line, “no you don’t; you’re attracted to me” is playfully confident and also creates an explicit frame that the woman is interested in you. Unless a woman specifically contradicts you when you say this, she is implicitly accepting that she is attracted to you, and that you know she is attracted to you. In addition, the display of confidence, the playful challenge, and the “differentness” of the answer can contribute to her being even more interested in you.
In the second example, asking someone why she is special is a qualification line. Interpreting “you’re cute” as a statement that a woman is interested you allows you to see if she is ready to put in the effort to make you interested in her. So, saying “what makes you special?” invites a woman to start talking about her good qualities. The importance of qualification is discussed in Chapter 7 of Magic Bullets.
Essentially, the first response creates a frame and deepens attraction while the second response creates the same frame and attempts to advance the interaction from attraction (where you are trying to get her interested in you) to qualification (where you are trying to get her to work to “get you interested” in her). I put quotation marks around “get you interested” since obviously you already are interested, but it solidifies her attraction to you if she feels like she had to work for it. Or, if she doesn’t qualify herself, you can just continue attracting her normally and try again with a similar line later.
Qualification is an area of dating science where there have been a lot of breakthroughs. One crucial discovery is that qualification can begin in attraction and usually must continue into comfort. We covered this in Magic Bullets. Another is the necessity of actually having a conversation about whatever subject you are qualifying her on. For example, if you act impressed that a woman is a ballet dancer, you should follow that up with a minute or so of conversation about ballet or dance or the arts, so she senses that she has genuinely done something to interest you and that you’re not giving her random compliments so you can have sex with her.
There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with just saying “thank you” in response to a compliment. That’s what I usually do. Act as if you get a lot of compliments so it’s no big deal, but still make your “thank you” genuine. I often find thanking someone and then pausing to be effective. She’ll have to fill the space, and will often start explaining her compliment or giving you more compliments. This helps solidify her attraction to you, and acts as passive qualification (which is too new and too advanced of a concept to really get into here, but you’ll hear more about when we finished testing and systematizing it).
That’s a really long answer to a short question. Thanks for asking.
Thank you for writing Magic Bullets. I’ve only read it once, but I’m sure I will read it several more times. It packs a huge punch into every page. Were you trying for any reason to keep the number of pages down? Why, it’s an ebook? Anyway, I love it and your chapter on phone game is phenomenal. I went on two dates last weekend with women I met Friday night and before that never would have happened. I love your script idea. My question is does phone game change after you have sex? Or do the same rules on flaking and pacing apply?
Thanks for the compliments [This is where I take my own advice from the previous question]. I’m glad to see that you’ve enjoyed success with the book! To get to your first question, my intention was to make a book that would not be intimidating to someone getting started, but still focus on new and advanced concepts. One of the ways I tried to keep it less intimating was in the number of pages. At about 200 pages, it’s not that daunting (and it’s more easily printable). I actually cut it down from almost 500. Who wants to read a 500-page tome? I also wrote Chapter 2, “A simple system you can use tonight” for the same reason. In about 4 pages, you can be up and running. And the “skills” section lets you dive in and out of areas of improvements, like body language, touching, dates, kissing, working with a wingman, fashion, phone game, and storytelling.
As for your second question, the answer really is “it depends.” Sleeping together usually shifts the power in the relationship from the woman to the man. If she feels connected to you – as women often do after sex for reasons I’ll get into in a moment – then the rules on flaking definitely change. If you address bad behavior, she’ll feel it and will be less likely to do the same thing again. If she doesn’t feel connected to you, all that will happen if you get frustrated with her is that she’ll feel bad for a moment, and then some other guy will come along and make her feel better. If she is connected to you, it’s harder for another guy to replace you in her mind.
Why is sex so important? Unfortunately, the person who wants the relationship to move forward the most usually has less power. Before two people sleep together, it’s usually the man who has less power – all things being equal, men are usually more eager to add a notch to their belt than women. After sex, it’s often the woman who wants to move the relationship forward. There are a bunch of reasons for this; here are a couple of big ones:
Women don’t like to feel cheap or easy. Many women after sleeping with a man will want to believe that the man was worth her giving herself to him. Therefore, she can project qualities onto him that he may or may not have. This is similar to the process of cognitive dissonance discussed in Magic Bullets. Furthermore, because women are often choosier about their sexual partners than men, it’s likely that if a woman does have sex with someone, she genuinely has at least some feelings for him.
Men are often after ‘conquests’ and lose interest in a woman after sex. I’m not saying this is good or healthy, but it’s life.
Now, if you don’t notice her being more responsive (answering when you call or calling you right back, making firm plans with you and keeping them, etc.) after you have sex, it might just need a bit more time. In this case, yes, you need to follow the same Phone Game rules that you did before you slept together. Otherwise, you do have more freedom to establish more of your preferences (avoiding long phone calls, avoiding flakiness, etc.) as long as her needs are being met.
Hope that helps. Thanks for writing,